Posts Tagged ‘women’

Walking Away

Walking away
I look back
Seeing your face
I wave goodbye
You wave back
And smile
Your perfect smile

Walking away
I look back
I can’t see you
Something’s in the way
I frown
But keep walking

Walking away
I look back
Seeing your face
I wave goodbye
You wave back
And smile
Your perfect smile

Walking away
I look back
I just see the
Back of your head
Your curly black hair
Bobbing  gently in the wind

Walking away
I look back
I see your back
As you walk away
Wishing you’d turn
So I could see
Your perfect smile

I have to walk away
Though I don’t want to
I can’t keep looking back
Though I want to
I have to go, have to miss
Your perfect smile


Less Than 1 Week Until Grad Ball…

It’s less than 1 week until my university’s Graduation Ball and I still have no idea if J-O will be coming. I sent her a message last weekend (7th) reminding her that it was in two week’s time, to which she didn’t respond. Although it was not a message that was worded in a way that required a response, it would be nice if she’d acknowledged it, as her ignoring things usually means no. But as I say, the message didn’t require a response, so I hope it’s not an indication that she’s backing out. I tried to chat to her on Thursday, just generally; she did respond initially, but then stopped, although I think fb chat was having problems that day. So, basically, with less than a week to go I still have no idea if she’s coming or not.

She’s been back in the UK almost 3 weeks now but I’ve not talked to her much, because I don’t want to get on her nerves. I’m hoping that my lack of contact will not be interpreted negatively, as used to be a problem. Usually these days she views lack of contact a good thing, as it shows I only like her as a friend, so I hope she’ll take it that way (although you never can tell with her). The plan is that I will send her a message tomorrow saying that we should arrange a time to talk about the Grad Ball in the next few days. If she ignores it, I know where I stand; if she does arrange a chat, I will still be very skeptical, but it will be overall taken as a positive indication.

Overall, I’m 99% sure she’ll say she can’t come, for some reason or another, if true or not. Basically, I can’t trust a word she says any more. I think it’s a good thing. At least this way I’m not disappointed when she inevitably says she ‘can’t come’. To be honest, I’m not even sure I want her there – I’m not sure how I’d feel seeing her for the first time in 6 months, especially as she’ll be all dressed-up. If she does come, I better not drink too much because I am likely to get ‘over-friendly’ if so. I just wish I knew if she was coming, and that I’d feel ok about it…

The ‘Ideal’ Girl?

The post I wrote yesterday got me thinking about what I really look for in a girl. This is hard to say, as I’ve never had a proper girlfriend before, been on a date, or even had a friendship with a girl that could have progressed further. I’m not just talking about looks, but personality, likes and dislikes, all that stuff.

Starting on looks, I can’t say I’m too picky. I’ve not got a particular preference as far as hair colour is concerned, although if I had to choose one I’d say brown; I’m not sure why but I find it sexier than other colours, and fairly long, at least shoulder height I’d say. As for eyes, I really do have no preference. For build, I’d just say normal, ‘healthy’, as such. Also freckles (as I’ve mentioned before) are cute but not essential by any means.

As for personality, I’m actually attracted to the shier, quieter girls. Perhaps it’s based on the assumption that shy = nice, I dunno. It certainly adds a level of mystery that’s kinda sexy, I guess. I don’t think I’d be keen on a ‘outdoorsy’ type girl, I guess that I would like girls with a similar personality to me, a little geeky and nerdy, but not too much.

As for likes and dislikes, she’d have to at least have an moderate appreciation for sci-fi, particularly Star Wars, a fan of comedies like American Pie and Superbad, classic comedies like Airplane, and like action films too, like Bond, Indy, LOTR. I’m not too big into romantic comedies but I think I could like them if the right girl came along, so I don’t mind if she was a slight romantic comedy fan, but not a massive one.

Anyway, that’s my ideal girl, as much as I can pin her down in my mind. Of course I realise that as an ideal, it is subject to compromise. And hey, maybe as (if?) I get more experienced with relationships, I’ll get a better idea what I like and don’t like and this will change. But this is it, for now anyway…

I’m Ashamed To Admit This…

I have something I want to admit. I’m not proud of it. I don’t want to admit it, but I feel I need to.

I am shallow.

My vision of an attractive woman is strongly influenced by cultural norms of what is and isn’t attractive.

I dunno if it’s weird to admit that as if it’s a sin, as if it’s wrong. Maybe it’s just me. I mean, everyone knows it’s wrong to ‘judge a book by it’s cover’, but most people do it anyway, like it’s normal. Perhaps it is normal. I don’t think it should be normal, but then I subscribe to this hypocrisy too, so it is confusing.

Okay, maybe I should qualify this. It’s not a wholly unrealistic vision of women. I mean, sure, it’s of a thin-ish girl, but not anorexic or anything like that; a ‘rack of ribs’ is not an attractive thing on a woman. Of course, thin is sexy, but I wouldn’t say I’m attracted as such to that – I’m more thinking of a just normal-sized woman. You know, not thin, not large, but just normal, healthy. I say this because as I look on dating sites, as you would expect, you have every type of woman on there – from thin to ‘large’, and as much as I’m disgusted by myself, I’m not at all interested in any of the ‘larger’ women there.

I dunno, what do you guys think? Is it normal? Is it normal but shouldn’t be so? Please comment.

Falling Behind

While trying to get to sleep after a night out with my friends last night, I had a concerning realisation: my lack of experience ‘with the ladies’  means that I am falling further and further behind everyone else. I can just imagine, if I suddenly find a girl this year that wants to go on a date with me, me saying that I, a 21 year old man (and I am now a man, supposedly, I realise) has never been on a date before; if it progresses further and we sleep together then I have to explain that I’ve never had sex before. I mean, that’s crazy, isn’t it? If any girl I went out with heard any of that, she would laugh in my face. So then lack of experience breeds lack of experience and it’s an endless cycle. I’m not sure if there is any point at this stage of starting a relationship because of this. I dunno. I’m probably overreacting. But at the same time, it’s still a concern; how many people can say, at age 21, that they’ve never been on a date? Not many, I think…

The Simple Life

This poem was an attempt to write down how I feel when I stroke our pet rabbit sometimes. He’s so cute, when you stroke him he often lies down and just sits there like he’s really enjoying it. In those moments, especially on a sunny day like yesterday, it is almost as comforting as having a girl there – but the moment you stop, you realise how empty you really feel, how much you long for human contact. It kinda fails as a poem, it sounds a bit weird to be honest, but at the same time it’s how I feel so – I’m putting it out there and letting ‘the public’ decide, as it were.

I lie there
Stroking your hair
We’re both just content
To stop and to stare

I look up, gazing
At the clear blue sky
Wondering why I
Aren’t with my own kind

I slowly stand up
Give you one last stroke
You wander off
Back to nibbling the grass

It’s nice to lay there
To stroke your fur
But at the end of the day
You’re not her

My Patience Has Run Out

Before, I used to be happy to be patient with a girl. If I liked somebody, I was happy to sit back and let things take their course, by which I mean I would not do anything at all about it and eventually after several months or more likely more, I would finally lose interest and move on to another girl.

No longer.

I now have almost zero patience when it comes to the opposite sex. I can’t really be bothered to be friendly with J-O when she doesn’t care. J-R seems to have lost interest and when I txted her the other day about meeting up, when I didn’t get a response the next day I gave up (and I still haven’t recieved any type of response). I was messaging a girl on OKCupid (just a penpan type thing, this girl lives in Brazil), when she didn’t reply the next day as she had done before, I immediately assumed that was that.

At this stage I just don’t have the patience for girls. They’re not interested in me, and I’ve got little appetite for chasing them. Screw them, I don’t need them, I’ll be fine without them.

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