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Will I Ever See Her Like Again? (J-O)

You know, I’ve been thinking about something. I thought it might be a good subject for a blog post. But I’m not sure. Why? Because you might judge me as sexist, superficial, or something like that. I admit that perhaps these thoughts do lean a bit that way. But I can’t help it, so don’t blame me.

I can’t help thinking that J-O is the sexiest girl/woman (still not sure which of those words to use. I’m 20 but somehow to use the word ‘woman’ seems to be a bit too grown-up) I will ever go out with (especially since I wonder at the moment if she’ll be the only girl I’ll ever go out with). Warning: the following will be quite gushing in regards to details about sexiness; you have been warned!

She has a nicely toned stomach. I felt it a few times, once when we were in the pub on our first day together; we’d finished our meals and she moved from across from me on the table to sitting next to me (it was a table with 4 seats) and we began making out, and as I did so I slipped my hands up her clothes and touched her stomach. I did similarly the first and second nights we slept together (both of those times her being content for me to touch her).

She may have small boobs (though I never touched them) but her bottom is so sexy. The second night we slept together she was just wearing panties and a t-shirt and I touched it several times. It is just perfect, lovely and pert (okay I feel slightly cringey using that word). It was even nicer when she had to get up out of bed and bend down to pick something up from the floor; I could see the perfect contours of it and I could see the slight… crest (?) where I could tell that was her… you-know-what (for a guy that’s only seen a girl naked in porn, I was simply in heaven to notice just that in real life). Okay that sounds kinda fucked up but it’s the truth of how I felt at the time.

Her legs are so sexy too. One of my favorite things to do when we slept together the first two times was to slip my hand inbetween her legs, right at the top of them, and just keep it there for a bit, just touching her. Thinking about it now, it seems almost a bit of a phyrric (not sure if that’s the right word, it’s hard to say what I mean, but I think you’ll get the gist when I explain it) thing to do; I couldn’t get my, *ahem*, you know, ‘between her legs’ (as such) so having my hand there was like a substitute for that.

Having said that, on the second night we spent together I almost went one further. I don’t think she was asleep, but I wasn’t sure, so I didn’t go to far in case she was. I mean, I kinda knew that she breathes quite heavily when she sleeps, and she wasn’t, but it could have been that she only does that when she’s in deep sleep. Basically, she could have been trying to get to sleep, and so not saying anything, or not saying anything to see what I’d do, or she was asleep. I wasn’t sure, so I didn’t go all the way. What I did was, is I put my hand on her waist, slightly down into her panties, similar to what I’d been putting my hand under her top beforehand. After a while I slightly moved my hand down a bit further. But since I wasn’t sure if she was asleep, (and she certainly didn’t react to what I was doing), I didn’t go far enough down to touch ‘it’ (you know). That’s the furthest I’ve got to getting anywhere near, *ahem*, that. But at the same time it was pretty hot to think that here I was, in bed with a very sexy girl, with one of my hands literally down her panties.

So, you know, I don’t think I’ll ever get with somebody that sexy ever again. I might be wrong of course. But I am glad that before we completely became just friends, I did get some, if limited, ‘action’, ‘experience’, etcetera. It sounds superficial, and it is, if I’m being honest with myself, but I do hope that my next girlfriend, if indeed there is going to be another one, might be some way to being as sexy as J-O.

What Did I Do To Deserve This Life

What did I do to deserve this life. Oh yeah, I was just myself. How the world hates that. Sometimes I think we should bring back modest clothing and arranged marriages. F**k sake. Why do girls have to be so sexy? Why do they have to wear such revealing clothing when they are out on the town, that torments and tortures all guys who have no chance in hell of ever coming even within 10 feet of them? Why the hell am I this shy, why can’t I go out to town and get with some random girl? Why, when I’m nearly 20, have I never even held hands with a girl, never mind anything else? Why do women find me so repulsive and uninteresting? Why am I so repulsive and uninteresting? Why doesn’t ‘being yourself’ actually count for f**k all in the real world? Maybe I should resort to internet dating. Maybe I should go to a strip club or pay for a prostitute. Or maybe I should just throw in the towel. Anything to get me away from this torment. I wish there was so such thing as sex or girls.

Weight Issues Part I

J-O has been going to the gym a lot recently, and it’s making me feel awful, frankly, in three ways.

One, it’s making me feel like I am fat – I checked my BMI on some govt website the other day and I am only just in the ‘healthy’ BMI range. Every time she says ‘I went to the fitness today’ I imagine her sweating buckets doing lots of exercise and then I just keep imagining how I must look, perpetually slobbed out in my room, only getting up to go to uni, work or to eat.

Secondly, it’s also given a rateable point of reference – when she told me how much she weighed, it was almost half what I weigh (7 stone and 4 pounds to my 12 stone and 8 pounds (approx.), i.e 46kg to 81kg)! That was really depressing.

Lastly, it has made me feel like I don’t deserve her. She’s so beautiful, slim, fit and sexy, and she’s sweet, kind and caring. I’m not very attractive, kind of fat, not sexy and kind of weak and unfit. It honestly worries me – I can’t hold a candle to her, I worry that any decent-looking guy coming along would be enough to make her ‘jump ship’. It sounds stupid, probably, but I really can’t see why she would like me at all. It’s probably silly but I am really that insecure and unconfident.

How It Is Going

I’ve just realised that I haven’t updated my blog recently about how it’s going with J-O. Mostly it’s because we’re getting on so well that to constantly update the blog on all the great things that we’ve been saying to each other would become tedious and boring. Not to mention that I’m thinking about keeping such things mostly completely private from now on.

We are very close these days. For example, the other day when we were discussing her lack of response from Solent uni, we both got quite upset and cried a little. There has also been a fair bit of sexual tension in our conversation these days, and yesterday she admitted, as did I similarly afterwards, that she sometimes gets “excited” when talking to me. We also both keep talking about how we can’t wait to be “close” to each other. She is so sweet and so pretty. Not to mention pretty sexy too, as I fully realised when looking at some recent photos she posted on Facebook. We’re even developed nice little things we say to each other.

So yeah, all in all, it’s going, well, perfect. I really hopes she gets in to Solent. I cannot wait to see her.

I Still Think About Her

Hey, it’s yet another post about that girl I used to like. Boring, I know. Anyway, I still think about her. It’s so stupid. As I said before, it’s really just because she is really fit that I liked her. Every time I see her or think about her, I always think how great it would be to her as my girlfriend, someone that so incredibly sexy. But I know there was never a chance of that – I knew that from the beginning. (All this is against my ‘principles’, I know).

I still kind of hate her. Well, I don’t really. I hate myself for thinking I had a chance. I hate myself for thinking of her only in terms of her body. I hate how, even now, I cannot get over the fact she rejected me. What is wrong with me, seriously? Is is because she is the last person that I fancied, that I need someone new to enter my sights to get rid of this cloud that hangs over me.

Arg!!

Girls and Winter

What is it about girls that think that in cold weather they still need to wear skirts and have exposed legs? Or rather, what is it about society that makes them think that they should sacrifice warmth for the preying eyes of men?

I mean, surly they must be freezing! How can they stand having their legs exposed in conditions like that? It is because they want to still look sexy for guys? Do they actually not mind the cold? Do they somehow have special insulation yet unknown to man to enable them to not be freezing?

Don’t get me wrong, I like seeing girls in short skirts, with their sexy legs exposed, as much as the next man (providing that next man isn’t gay. I joke), but it does very much concern me also – as you can see by this post. Perhaps I’m wrong, perhaps they don’t actually mind the cold… but I doubt it.

Categories: Girls, Life, Thoughts Tags: ,

It Keeps Coming Back To Haunt Me

It’s another blog post about that girl I used to like. If you’ve been reading this blog for a while you must be really tired of hearing about her, and for that I apologise. For everyone else, if you would like to know what I’m going on about here, see the link above and scroll down to the ‘trackbacks’ tab to read the entire saga unfold, if you like. But I digress.

The whole thing keeps coming back to haunt me. Every time I notice some photos have been posted on Facebook of her (only if it appears in the news feed though, I don’t actively look every day or whatever), I always think about what could have been – what it would be like if it was me standing beside her in the picture, in a happy relationship. I hate her for rejecting me but still kinda like her and the same time. However, the fact this is about photos finally made me realise something.

I never actually properly liked her. Hell, I didn’t really know her. I was just taken in completely by her looks. It’s particularly bad since I believe relationships shouldn’t just be based on looks, but on feelings – I’d betrayed myself, basically. She’s just so unbelievably sexy, and I must admit I became (and do some extent, still am) completely taken in by her looks. I really want to try and forget about it, but as of yet, I cannot. It is probably because I haven’t really taken with any other girl since, therefore she does still hold a certain amount of power over me.

Hopefully though, I’ll eventually be able to get over this stupid infatuation. It’ll just take time.

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