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New Years

I am writing most of this on the train as I head back to Southampton, on the WordPress Android app, to ensure I don’t forget anything important. I have decided to do this post by topic rather than a story of how the time went, because otherwise this post would be so long nobody would read it. It’s long enough as it is! So, here goes:

Me vs roommate: J-O said that she has been living with her roommate for months, and in comparison “you are like a stranger to me.” Her roommate also seems to know, at the very least, that I like J-O. She said something along those lines on the first day, though I can’t remember now exactly what she said.

J-O vs roomate’s friend: J-O’s roommate had 2 friends, one of which stayed over in J-O’s room on Saturday night, while her roomate and other friend slept in a friend’s room. J-O complained that when the beds were put together (which was J-O’s idea) that the friend was too close to me. J-O said she was annoyed when her roommate’s friend hugged me when we were out on Westminster Bridge (when J-O was dancing with random guys!), because “she shouldn’t hug somebody she doesn’t know. Doesn’t she know that you are mine?” I asked J-O if I was only her’s when I got close to another girl. She replied that “you can do what you want. Just it did not make me feel good.” Hypocritical much?

Me and roommate’s friend: I somehow ended up telling the basics of me and J-O to her. She said she could relate to my problem and tried to give me advice. I thought she seemed nice, since she was interested in my problems with J-O, but J-O and J-O’s roommate’s other friend didn’t like her. When J-O said she didn’t like her I said thought she was nice. J-O immediately asked “do you like her?”, to which I replied, “I don’t like like her, I just think she seemed nice.” She seemed satisfied with this.

Me and J-O: she only let me kiss her on the lips a few times. When we were sleeping together I did most of the hugging and almost all of the (non-lip) kissing, though she always wanted to intwine her legs with mine whenever we moved. She was wearing just a t-shirt (my Christmas present to her) and (purple, sort of lacey) panties and I started off staying fully clothed. About halfway through the night she suggested I take my trousers off, and I did; later I decided to take my shirt off, too, leaving me wearing just pants. She got up a few times for various reasons, and it was so sexy watching her move in just that; especially when she had to bent over once or twice. She let me touch her though (not like her boobs or lady-parts but anywhere else) and once, when I had my hand on her bottom, she asked how it was. I said it was very nice, it was sexy. I asked if she minded me touching her there, and she said she didn’t mind. We did kiss on the lips at midnight, the first time I have done such a thing. We watched two films together and both times she was very content to snuggle up with me.  Once I put my finger on her lips and she sort of licked it, which was sexy. Her snuggling up to me, hugging me, closing her eyes as she did so, sometimes falling asleep, was cute, but I couldn’t help thinking it was a bit selfish; she could take advantage of me being there, could snuggle up with me, lean on me, not be lonely, yet I was not able, mostly, to kiss her on the lips, or do anything to please me; all I could do was to enjoy her presence, kiss her on the forehead or cheek, not dare, apart from once or twice, to kiss her on the lips. Again when we slept together I hardly got any sleep.

J-O stuff: I learned she kissed random boys in clubs before. When we were on Westminster Bridge after the fireworks (we couldn’t get there before the fireworks, though we could sort of see them where we were) she danced with a lot of random guys and said happy new year to basically everyone she passed by. She wanted me to stay the night again on Sunday night, but I thought there would not be much point cos I wouldn’t get much sleep and have to do uni work the next day. After I texted her that I got home safely, she called me to see how I was. In the background I could hear her roommate shouting occasionally, and I heard that the three of them (the other friend had gone by then) had a bath together and that they had “seen her cooker”. J-O asked what it meant and it was her, ahem, ‘lady-parts’. On fb chat this morning I joked that when I heard that, ‘I wish I had stayed in the end’.

On her coming over on 21st: her roommate’s friend was from Southampton, it turned out. We started talking about J-O coming to Southampton and J-O told her about the fact she would be only there for 6 hours. J-O’s roommate’s friend then offered for J-O to stay the night at hers, since J-O wasn’t comfortable staying at mine (supposedly because she didn’t want the first time she met my parents to be when she was sleeping over, because they might not like her. I tried to say it was ok, but she wouldn’t concede on this). J-O said she had already booked the coach tickets. Today I found out that if J-O cancelled the tickets 72 hours before her coach was due, she would receive a full refund. I said about this on chat and she said: “mmmm okay. lets discuss it tonight okay. please remind me”. I said ok. I doubt she will go for it, and if she does I am sure she would still insist on staying at her roommate’s friend house not mine. At least she’s prepared to talk about it though.

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The Solution That Isn’t A Solution (J-O)

Well, on the subject of my last post, there has been a conclusion of sorts. A very messy, uncertain conclusion.

I decided to say to J-O that unless I could sleep in her bed, I wouldn’t go. She didn’t quite concede on that point. What she said was that if bringing a sleeping bag was the problem then I didn’t have to bring one, and that they could push the beds together and we (that is, J-O, me, her roommate, and her roommate’s cousin, of whom I don’t know if it’s male or female, although I’m guessing female) could all sleep on there. She also suggested I could use the next room as the person who usually lives there gave J-O the keys for in case her mum wanted to sleep there. I said I wouldn’t be comfortable sleeping in another person’s bed, especially since that bed belongs to a man. (The thought of sleeping in another man’s bed is not good, you have no idea what kind of things they’ve got up to in there. If it was a woman’s that would be okay, because, well, it’s hard to explain, but you know what we guys are like). She said ok but I suspect she may yet suggest it again.

In amongst talking about all this, we ended up in another discussion about ‘us’. She basically said that she wants us just to be friends and when I said that all I want is for us to be able to do whatever we want when we meet, as we have done, she said that “just because it” (kissing and suchlike) “has happened before, doesn’t mean it will happen again”. I basically accepted that in a way. I told her that all I asked of her was to remember how I feel about her. She asked if that meant she had to do anything, and I said no, because that’s not fair on her. The reason I accepted this was because I figure that so far, every time we have met we have ended up, eventually, bring more than friendly. I know that there is a strong possibility that this won’t happen every time, but I am gambling that because tonight will be a night of drunken festivities, there is an increased likelihood that we will end up more than friendly; after all, the one time she texted me that she missed me was when she was drunk with her mum. I can only hope the theory is true, that if she is drinking she is more likely to reveal how she really thinks of me, remember how much she likes me, as more than a friend.

I feel terrible for not going to my friend’s New Year party and telling her at such short notice though. I know it’s not good, not something a good friend would do, but I just can’t resist the opportunity to see J-O. It’s an awful excuse, but I can’t help it. Especially since, as I’ve said, there is an opportunity that, again, in the heat of the moment, J-O will throw caution to the wind and, shall we say, ‘enjoy my company’.

A Late-Night Call (J-O Update) [Edited]

I was getting ready to go to bed last night when I got a call from J-O. She said she had not done any work that day, and had spent a few hours in the pub with a friend. So much for her worrying about not working if I was there! Earlier in the day we’d talked again about me coming to see her. I said that I’d wait until 4pm to call work to tell them I was coming in as usual tomorrow (now today). I didn’t hear anything from her so I’d called as I said as so will be going to work today. During the call she said that her roommate had contacted her to say she wouldn’t even be back for New Year, as J-O thought, never mind the next day (today). I have no idea when this was, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was before 4pm! So J-O said she would probably spent New Year alone. After about 1 minute of dancing around it, I said that I would be willing to go up and spent New Year with her. She said she would think about it. I know she’s going to say no, so I’m not really thinking about it. She then told me that she had bought a coach ticket to come to Southampton on the 21st January. She said that the coach leaves London at 6-something a.m. [actually I must have heard wrong, the first coach leaves at 10 and arrives at 12:05], and doesn’t get here until past mid-day. She said she coach she’s getting back leaves around 7pm. I said that wasn’t very long to stay, and suggested she could stay at my house. She said that she didn’t like the idea, because ‘it would not be good if the first time I saw your parents I am staying overnight, do you?’. I said, unconvincingly, “no, I suppose you’re right”. We left it at that. I’ll discuss this development in another post later.

Then I asked if she wanted to have a little Skype video call and she said it would be nice. It wasn’t the best video call though; she spent most of the time tidying her room while kind of talking to me at the same time. She did sit down for a few minutes and chatted. But then she decided she would go have a shower and get ready for bed, and left me sitting there like a lemon (she decided to keep the call going while she did this) for about 20 mins in total. Then I decided to get my own back a bit by showing her the present I got her. She asked what it was, as I knew she would, and told her that I wouldn’t tell her, but that if she’d met up like I had suggested, she would already know what it is. She said “thanks for reminding me.” Eventually we went to bed, with her saying she will text me when she gets up in the morning.

She did indeed text me this morning. But she also called me about an hour ago to ask for some advice on her essay, which I gave. She then said about this American summer work thing, if I would be interested in it, because she is thinking of going. I’d liked to think she was implying we could go together, but I doubted it. So I said, entirely truthfully, that I wasn’t willing to go on my own. She then said that I could go with her. I basically said I still wasn’t sure, and she said she’d send me the link (which she has; it’s here). The conversation then ended, with her saying she’d call me after work, and, as I said goodbye, I said “miss you”. Strangely, she responded to that with “oh, please, you don’t miss me“. I replied sarcastically (although I’m not sure she picked up on the sarcasm) “okay, I don’t miss you, if you say so”. I seriously don’t understand what her fucking problem is sometimes. So screwed up…

My Ideal Christmas Break J-O Visit

As you know, if you’re a regular reader, it’s likely that I will be visiting J-O in London sometime between Christmas and New Year (her Christmas card I got today said “before New Year’s Eve). While I was at work today I decided what I’m going to say to her when we discuss me visiting her (which I’ll write below, then go on to say what the ideal visit would consist of).

I’ll start off by asking if she’d hear my idea first before she says what she would like. I know she doesn’t like not being in control but I’m hoping that on the spur of the moment she’ll concede on this point, giving me the advantage. I’ll say: “I thought I could come over on Wednesday and stay for three nights until Saturday (New Year’s Eve). Then, on New Year’s Eve, I can either go home in the morning” (I can’t stay because her roommate will be coming back for that night) “or I can pop back to Southampton, deposit my stuff and get changed, then go back for the evening” (this will be a good argument because I think she might not want her roommate to know I stayed, and also makes sense for what I’ll say next). “I know I cannot stay but since the last two trains back are at 2:35 and 4:05 I can stay until past midnight, and we can see in the new year together with your friends.”

I’ll also then say: “Now, I know you may have a few problems with my idea, but before you say what you think of it, I’d like to say a few things about any problems you may have. Firstly, I know it’s a long time to stay and you will need some time to work on your essays, but I have essays to do too, and so I thought that I can bring my laptop and some books and so when you want to work, we can work together and not distract each other. Secondly, I know that when we slept together I tried some things you weren’t comfortable with, but I promise it won’t happen again. I’m also perfectly happy with sleeping on your roommate’s bed if you want. Also, if you unexpectedly get a call from a friends asking if you want to go out for a few hours, and don’t want me to come, I’m fine with going off and doing my own thing. Lastly, you don’t have to worry about any food or anything for me, I will sort all that out myself.”

Now I know what you’re going to say about that, that it’s ridiculous and letting her walk all over me, but the way I see it is that most of those point will just reassure her that I will not interfere with her life too much while I am there; I don’t think she’ll take me up on any of those points. As for New Year’s Eve, I don’t mind going home because a friend might be holding a party that day anyway, so I can go to that.

Now, onto my ideal visit. Ideally, obviously, I’d like to be able to stay from Wednesday to Saturday (I’ve already got Friday off work just in case), and spend New Year with her and her friends, getting the 2:35 or 4:00 train back (because hopefully we might go out somewhere after watching the midnight fireworks, maybe), as I just said. As for what we’d actually do, we’ve already discussed going ice skating. I’d like to take her to Richmond Park (which I’d only heard of after that whole Fenton thing) to see the deer. I’d like for us to visit a restaurant at least one night. I’d like to make love with her one night but I think it’s unlikely (though I’ll bring condoms just in case; when we slept together she did say she still wanted to make love with me, even though we didn’t for various reasons) I’m not sure what else really. But it’s a good start, and if I don’t stay there that long, probably enough.

Hope I haven’t bored you with the very long post. I think this will probably be the last post until the start of the new year (unless I am successful with my plan, in which case I’ll post the news on here – probably by Monday evening I’ll know). If so, I hope you all have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

A Setback

There has been a bit of a set-back in the long-running J-O saga. She got the results of her English test yesterday and she didn’t get as high a mark as she wanted. She has decided to take the test again, and that will be in about a month or so. That means that she will not come over to Britain before Christmas or New Year. I am kind of sad because I was hoping she’d be here by Christmas, so I could see her a lot over the Christmas holiday and invite her down to Southampton to see my friends when we meet up over Christmas or New Year, before everyone goes back to their unis.

I just hope that my relationship with her does not make her more anxious about getting a good score and coming to London as soon as possible, to rush her, to put pressure on her. I know she loves me, and sees our relationship as a very good thing, I wonder if she might have been better off without me, as she would be under less pressure probably. I would hate to have done that to her.

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