Archive

Posts Tagged ‘music’

Song That Caught A Feeling

This song came on the radio when I was having my hair cut the other day and it really resonated with me. Those regular readers will be able to guess why…


I always thought that I knew 
I’d always have the right to
Be living in the kingdom of the good and true
and so on

But now I think how I was wrong 
And you were laughing along 
And now I look a fool for thinking you were on, my side

Is it any wonder I’m tired 
Is it any wonder that I feel uptight 
Is it any wonder I don’t know what’s right 

Sometimes 
It’s hard to know where I stand 
It’s hard to know where I am 
Well maybe it’s a puzzle I don’t understand 

But sometimes 
I get the feeling that I’m 
Stranded in the wrong time 
Where love is just a lyric in a children’s rhyme, a soundbite

Is it any wonder that I’m tired 
Is it any wonder that I feel uptight 
Is it any wonder I don’t know what’s right 
Oh, these days 
After all the misery you made 
Is it any wonder that I feel afraid 
Is it any wonder that I feel betrayed 

Nothing left inside this old cathedral 
Just the sad lonely spires 
How do you make it right 

Oh, but you try 
Is it any wonder I’m tired 
Is it any wonder that I feel uptight 
Is it any wonder I don’t know what’s right 
oh, these days 
After all the misery you made 
Is it any wonder that I feel afraid 
Is it any wonder that I feel betrayed 

Songs That Catch My Mood – In The End

In the End – Linkin Park

This song caught my mood the other day, I found I could really relate to it about how I feel about J-O these days.
All I know
time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It’s so unreal
Didn’t look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on but didn’t even know
Wasted it all just to
Watch you go
This really caught my mood. It makes me think of all the time I spent ‘waiting’ for her, over 1 1/2 years of my life that I wasted because I was ‘with’ her and was fooled into thinking we’d make it work together. How I spent all that time waiting for her, thinking she loved me, yet it was inevitably going to fail because of the way she thinks.
I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter

I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter

The first line here reminds me of how for ages there were danger signs that I chose to ignore until it finally crashed down around me. The second line makes me think of how I am trying to move on, how I hope that my feelings for her will become just memories. The other lines, particularly the “it doesn’t even matter” bit, again makes me think of how it was probably inevitable that it would fail, not because of any actions of mine, but how she thinks ruining it.
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I’m surprised it got so (far)
This I found particularly significant because of the way she has treated me since she came to the UK, only seeing me when she wants, only talking to me when she feels like it, acting like I was hers even though she wasn’t mine. The last two lines were significant because of a previous argument before she came to the UK that, looking back, gave a strong indication towards what she would later think about ‘us’ working as a couple Southampton-to-London.
Things aren’t the way they were before
You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore
This relates more to my hopes, how I hope to successfully move on from J-O, leave my feelings for her behind, leave me with memories, being able to remember the good times and not feel bitter about the bad times.
Not that you knew me back then
This is an important line because it reflects my feelings that, although we talked so much when we were ‘together’ online, she doesn’t seem to have actually payed much attention; during one argument just after she started uni she said “I don’t know you”.
I’ve put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
Lastly, this part really strikes me. It makes me think of how I trusted her when she said that she loved me; how I trusted her when I was assured we would be together, and for a long time; how despite the distance Southampton-to-London we could make it work together. How this all came crashing down, seemingly inevitably because of her feelings on this that she made known once she was here; how it doesn’t matter what I feel, what I want, she only thinks about what she wants.

Love Songs Are Depressing

I currently hate love songs. I mean, I’ve always disliked love songs, being chronically alone and etcetera, but currently I hate them, for obvious reasons (for regular readers anyway). When you’ve just realised the only girl who’s ever been interested in you is really only your friend now, and it will always be so, you do get pissed off when somebody sings a song that’s positive, saying how much they, or the third party subject of their song is having a great romance with some very nice woman.

I say this because when me and my family was having dinner the other day a James Blunt song came on and it made me feel very depressed, instantly. For some reason it also made me laugh though, which I’m not sure how to explain. Maybe it was a sort of tired, depressed kind of laughter, a sort of dark laughter, the sort crazy people in films have. The sort of laughter that somehow says, without appearing to; oh god, I’m so alone, it’s so depressing.

A Song That Makes Me Get Up and Dance Around My Room

Specifically, the part of the song which goes “haven’t you done quite enough, (I’ve?) only gone and broke my heart” (time in video = 2:25). The video is not by the band, but by some local college student’s project. Really makes me think about J-O when I sing that lyric out loud.
I also like the lyric “I wish every inch of you would lay down on my bed and tell you everything that’s been happening in my head, but it’s unlikely that you’d listen to a plea of re-admission to your heart”, which comes just before the previously mentioned lyric.

Songs That Caught My Mood Today

Today I brought my headphones with me when I went to uni. I was listening to some music on the way back home and two songs caught my mood. I’ll post the video and the specific lyrics that caught my mood below:

Thnks Fr Th Mmrs by Fall Out Boy

I want these words to make things right
But it’s the wrongs that make the words come to life
“Who does he think he is?”
If that’s the worst you got
Better put your fingers back to the keys

This caught my mood because of what J-O asked me when we were arguing the other day: “what do you want from me?”

One night and one more time
Thanks for the memories
even though they weren’t so great
“He tastes like you only sweeter”
One night, yeah, and one more time
Thanks for the memories, thanks for the memories
“He, he tastes like you only sweeter”

This reminded me of the night I slept with J-O the other week, the last time I saw her, which occurred inbetween two arguments, after each of which we didn’t speak to each other. Although we didn’t actually have sex, it was a one night stand in that it was basically only a one night thing, since, as I just said, we’d fallen out beforehand and afterwards. Also, the ‘tastes like you only sweeter’ makes me think of this guy she went to visit last week (which was the reason for our argument), that is to say I imagine that’s what she is thinking (that he’s sweeter than me).

Been looking forward to the future
But my eyesight is going bad
And this crystal ball
Is always cloudy except for
When you look into the past (look into the past)
One night stand (one night stand off)

This caught my mood because, as you saw in a post the other day, I have been thinking about my future, which looks uncertain.

Stop Me If You Think That You’ve Heard This One Before by Mark Ronson

Stop me, oh, stop me 
Stop me if you think that you’ve 
Heard this one before 
Stop me, oh, stop me 
Stop me if you think that you’ve heard this one before 

This made me think about how much this blog repeats itself, a concern I’ve raised before on here. Indeed I recently said how I want to stop repeating my endless moaning about the same things over and over again. Of course, even this post is guilty of this repetition. Sorry.

Set me free why don’t you, babe,
Get out my life why don’t you, baby,
Coz you don’t really love me, no no no,
You just keep me hanging on…

This is related to me trying to stop me thinking about J-O, trying to forget about her. Trying to forget how I slept with her, how that was probably a way just to keep me sweet enough to be a backup if she feels lonely. I know she doesn’t love me any more, and I don’t think she even likes me at all (in that way) any more.

Nothing’s changed 
I still love you, oh, I still love you 
…Only slightly, only slightly less than I used to, my love

This of course relates to me trying to get over J-O. I know I still love her, it’s slightly less, but I still do, and I have to get over her.

A Little Indicator of My Mood

Here’s a little indication of my mood today. Here are the songs I’ve listened to today, according to my last.fm profile:

  • Travis – Why Does It Always Rain On Me?
  • Yeah Yeah Yeahs – Maps
  • Doyle & The Fourfathers – Nationally Anthemic
  • D12 – How Come
  • The Streets – Dry Your Eyes
  • Doyle & the Fourfathers – When Will The Children Learn?
  • Travis – Sing
  • Eminem – Beautiful
  • Franz Ferdinand – Walk Away
  • The Killers – Somebody Told Me
  • Red Hot Chilli Peppers – Snow ((Hey Oh))
  • The Killers – When You Were Young

Great Song – Thanks Newswipe and Charlie Brooker!

I’ve been a massive fan of Charlie Brooker for ages, and I loved his Newswipe series. I also liked the intro theme, but I only discovered the song it came from, the Fortdax remix of Nathan Fake’s You Are Here. It’s a really great song in it’s own right. It’s strange, because it sounds, as it is used, as something from the beginning of a current affairs TV show. Yet it is enjoyable to listen to on it’s own, the whole 8 and 1/2 mins of it. I’m not particularly a fan of ‘electronic’ music, but somehow this really hits the spot. I hope you enjoy it as much a I have. You can listen to the whole song in the above embedded YouTube video.

%d bloggers like this: