Posts Tagged ‘M’

A Drunken Late-Night Conversation With Mates

After the England game last week, when we crashed out of Euro 2012 on penalties (again, penalties, always penalties!) me and my friends A and J went to the local park to have a kick-about (yes, at 12pm, yes, we were fairly drunk). We didn’t do it for very long though because it was dark and there weren’t many street lights near the grassy bit. So we decided to make our way over to the playground, and we went on the swings and the roundabout, because we’re that cool. We stayed there for over an hour because we were talking.

What were we talking about? Well, we were all guys, A had just broken up with his girlfriend, and J is constantly having little problems with his girlfriend. So naturally the topic, for most of the time, was sex. Firstly, A and J asked each other what they’d done sexually and stuff like that. Then A started talking about how he “hadn’t had sex in 5 weeks” and so was “so fucking horny”; he said he “couldn’t imagine how [I] must feel”, having never had sex at all, that it must be “unbelievably difficult”; I said “you have no idea”. Then J said how he was having a housewarming party for his new uni house he’s moving into in September, and how we should go to it, and then A suggested that him and J should ‘get me laid’. J said that there’s this girl he knows who kept flirting with him, saying she was looking for “a nice guy” and that maybe they could try and hook me up with her. I went along with it because I know it won’t happen, but their hearts are in the right place.

My friend J then went on to talk about his girlfriend, M, which I won’t really go into here. Basically, they’ve been together for over 4 years but, for various reasons, some justifiable and some not so much, she’s still very insecure about their relationship (for example, they can basically never go anywhere or do anything without each other). Although their relationship is strong, this continues and it a continuous source of low-level annoyance for J. By the end of this conversation it was about 1:30pm and they insisted that I could not walk back alone, and so I stayed at J’s house. They are such good friends, it was such a great night.

Just a shame about England…


Travel Plans Progressing

I posted a few weeks ago about how I want to do a bit of travelling. Well, in my last ever uni seminar the other day, during the break, somebody mentioned that there are cheap coaches to several European cities from London. I mentioned this on my Facebook to see if any of my friends wanted to go. Well, J-R posted a comment saying she’d like to go again (she’s been before) with me and M. I asked if she would be willing to do it with some of my other friends too but she didn’t respond.

Well, today I started talking to J-R on fb chat and I slowly steered the conversation towards discussing it. I asked if she was serious and she said yes. I asked who she wanted to go with and she said M and J-A (M’s boyfriend and one of my best friends). I asked J-R if she wanted to invite her boyfriend and she said:

nah coz he lives in kent
we arnt mega mega close
not like [J-A & M]

So, if this does happen, it will be just me, J-R, who by the sounds of it won’t be with her boyfriend by that time, and M and J-A. i.e. a couple and me and her, two single people. If that doesn’t sound like a trip engineered for something to possibly happen between me and J-R, I dunno what is. Okay, maybe I’m overthinking it. Maybe it’s just innocent. But I can’t help feeling slightly hopeful…

An Incongruous Question

When I visited M the other weekend, she asked me a question. It was a question that puzzled me at the time but I’d forgotten to mention on here. It was question I did not want to answer, could not answer, and one she should not have asked.

She said to me: “J (her boyfriend and one of my best friends) said that he thought that you used to like me when I first came into the [friendship] group.” Then she asked me: “Is that true?”, quickly adding “you don’t have to answer if you don’t want, I’m just curious.”

Why would you ask such a question? Why would you expect an honest response to such a question?

I must confess that I did like her, actually for quite a long time, until the end of college (almost 2 years). I still kind of like her, actually. But at the same time I knew my place. J and M quickly got together, and I was happy for them. They were such a cute couple, and still are, and I think they will last a long time. I knew that I could not give in to my feelings, because it would be wrong to do so. I am not the type of person who would do that. I have quite a strong sense, especially for these times, of friendship, honor and chivalry. It forms a strong part of who I am. To not follow these ideals would give me no positives about myself to draw on. So, just like I could not show my feelings then, so I could not show my feelings now. I simply said to her “I can’t remember, it was so long ago”, and left it at that. She didn’t push it any further, and apologised for asking it.

Yet I still can’t understand why she would ask me this. For me to answer such a question does nobody any good. I have to keep my mouth shut, just like I had to keep those feelings shut up. No good can come of either.

Last Weekend & The New Girl

Last weekend I visited a friend, M, at her uni. On the same weekend, this girl who I’d met before, who is a friend of M’s and who I’ve talked to about relationships (including J-O) before (although only through fb chat), was visiting too. So I thought this might be a good opportunity to get to know her better in person.

We spent most of the time with M and her housemates, who were all a bit geeky, to varying degrees. We spent the early afternoon playing on M’s Xbox and I started drinking a bit before everyone else. Eventually we all headed to a pub, where we had dinner and each bought a round of two mixer jugs (as it was a Wetherspoons and they do a deal on that). This was when my level of drunkness peaked and, if I’m honest, I was concentrating on drinking more than interacting with everyone else (which, if anything, thinking about it, is just an excuse to be shy; I can’t talk because I’m busy drinking).

We left the pub at about 22:30, heading back to their house. When we got there more of M’s friends arrived and we played Mario Kart Wii for several hours. Again I didn’t interact much with the others. Firstly this was because I was concentrating on getting used to the Wii controls (I’ve never used a Wii before), but then everyone started talking about relationships, which I really did not want to talk about, so I stayed silent. Luckily, this was when everyone else’s drunkeness peaked, so they didn’t notice my shyness.

Finally, at about 3am, we began to wrap up Mario Kart and get the sofas ready for me and the girl to sleep on (one each, adjacent to each other). Everyone else said goodnight and we settled in for (what was left of) the night. Given my lack of interaction for the entire day with everyone, but especially with this girl (who I kinda like, if you didn’t already guess, though my Twitter followers may know already), I expected that we’d just go straight to sleep.

This didn’t happen, though. Instead, she decided to talk about M’s relationship problems, which I won’t go into. Then she began to discuss the day. She said how she liked M’s flatmates, that they seem really nice, that it’s a shame all but one of them be moving away next year (they are all second years but are moving for some reason I can’t remember). Then we moved onto discussing relationships, the topic being introduced by her via asked how me and J-O are doing. I said to her how I was trying to move on but that I didn’t think I would find anybody else soon. Then she started talking about her relationship, specifically her last one. She said that she wasn’t sure about starting a relationship at her uni or back here, since both would involve distance that she said she is keen to avoid, as her last relationship (which ended badly), was distance-based. I said that it is understandable. Then she said that she prefers to be friends first with guys, before going out with them. Immediately after she said that, she said she considered me to be a friend (which sounded suggestive to my mind, but might not actually be). She also said, a few minutes later I think, that her ideal guy would be a mix between the me and the 3 guys in the house. I pointed out that this was a strange ideal guy, based as it is on quite geeky people, though I can’t remember what was her response to this. She then said that I seemed quite quiet, perhaps because I was sobering up, and I agreed this probably was the cause, though I also said that it was also because they’d all started discussing relationships, which I didn’t want to talk about. She said ‘yeah, I think we peaked at different times, you were going down [in drunkeness] while I was still going up’. I’m not sure if that is significant in any way but it felt it at the time. She also suggested we visit M more often, and she said it would be good if I went at the same time as her because she ‘prefer[s] going with somebody else’ when visiting friends. I said that it sounded like a good idea (ok, that is probably just friendly but it does show she does want to spend time with me, for whatever reason).

So yeah, that was pretty much it. It was a mixed bag really, if looked at positively, or perhaps just friendly if looked at neutrally or negatively. I dunno. Maybe something will happen; maybe it won’t. It would be nice to have another friend at least. Interestingly, in the time since the weekend, I’ve found that her and J-O take up about the same amount of my thoughts. In a way I hope that it swings towards the former rather than the latter. Okay, the former isn’t exactly positive, but it’s better than dwelling on J-O; anything that’ll help me move on is good.

From now on this new girl I like will be referred to as J-R (I know it’s similar to J-O but it just makes it so much easier, for a reason I won’t disclose, but you might be able to guess). I doubt there will be many posts about her for now, but it may increase if (and I say if) anything happens. Which it probably won’t. But it’s nice to hope…

I Hit Back This Time

Several times J-O has asked me about if I liked a few of my female friends (such as E and M) and has pointed out a picture on Facebook where I jokingly took a picture of M’s cleavage as part of a long-running joke in my friends group. Several times I’ve told her I don’t like them, and that this picture was simply a joke. But she kept bringing it up every so often. When she brought it up today, I decided to fight back.

I pointed out a picture on Facebook she had taken with her friends, of one of them naked on the toilet, with just his hands covering his… you know. I said that despite this, I realised it was a joke, I trusted her. I said that to her. She said it was different, but when I asked how, she said it was ‘a picture of his personality’, which I did not understand at all. I said: ‘his personality is about sitting naked on the toilet?’ She said she didn’t look at his… you know… whereas I did. I told her that it was a long-running joke, that I did not start, that I was just continuing it in fun. She accepted this, but still didn’t seem happy.

It’s just annoying, that she makes me feel bad for her thinking, unjustifiably, that I liked other girls. I was annoyed that I had to feel bad, guilty, for her thinking this, when it’s not my fault she thinks this way. It’s annoying that I trust her and she doesn’t trust me. Yes, I know, the distance means she has reason to be cautious. But I have never shown myself to be anything other that trustworthy and faithful, so that’s why I’m annoyed.

I just hope that once we meet and she realises how genuine I am, she will trust me.

Every Single Time…

M was supposed to come over my house today, as she was back from uni for a few days. I thought she’d actually come this time, but still suspected she’d pull out. I was right. Shortly before she was going to be here I got a phone call from her saying she couldn’t come because she had to help her sister move stuff because her sister wasn’t feeling well. I swear this happens every single time these days. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. I know that they are all valid reasons, but it does get really annoying. I think from now on, I’ll work on the assumption that she won’t be able to make it, to avoid disappointment. That might work. This time it was even her idea to come over, which is very unusual. We have re-arranged it for Tuesday, but since I’ve got work at 4 that day, I doubt she’ll be here for any more than 2 hours. Oh well. At least it is some company for once.

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Abundant Rabbits and Friendly Squirrels

The other day I went to visit M at Chichester University where she has just started (she did a third year at college you see).  I had quite a good time, we watched some DVDs, walked around the town and I met some of her friends and finally got first-hand experience of halls (if you don’t read my blog regularly, I’m a student living at home). It – not for the first time, and probably not the last – made me think that I probably should have gone into halls. I’ve missed out on so many friends, good times and great stories. Well, that’s just me I suppose. Always missing out on the fun because of my shyness and dislike of change and challenges.

Anyway, enough of my self-indulgent and depressing reflections, it’s time to come back to the title of this post, which held out so much promise of good things. Rabbits and squirrels.

When I visited Chichester, M told me about the abundance of rabbits hopping about the campus. And she was right. We saw several rabbits wandering around, a few adults and some really cute baby ones. It was strange, and I couldn’t work out why they were there. Were they wild? If so, why were they hanging around a university campus? Or are they let out by the uni? If so, how do they stop them hopping away? I can’t get my head around it.

But then that’s not the only strange animal phenomenon I noticed there. There was this park near M’s halls which was full of squirrels and for some reason, they were very, very friendly. I know this because in the Southampton Common, if a squirrel is about he’ll scamper straight up a tree. But not these ones. They’d happily come up to you if you extend a hand out to them. I don’t understand how this could have happened, unless maybe they were released into the ‘semi-wild’ after being recovered from some injuries or something but couldn’t be put back in the ‘wild proper’. Anyone have an answer?

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