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The ‘Ideal’ Girl?

The post I wrote yesterday got me thinking about what I really look for in a girl. This is hard to say, as I’ve never had a proper girlfriend before, been on a date, or even had a friendship with a girl that could have progressed further. I’m not just talking about looks, but personality, likes and dislikes, all that stuff.

Starting on looks, I can’t say I’m too picky. I’ve not got a particular preference as far as hair colour is concerned, although if I had to choose one I’d say brown; I’m not sure why but I find it sexier than other colours, and fairly long, at least shoulder height I’d say. As for eyes, I really do have no preference. For build, I’d just say normal, ‘healthy’, as such. Also freckles (as I’ve mentioned before) are cute but not essential by any means.

As for personality, I’m actually attracted to the shier, quieter girls. Perhaps it’s based on the assumption that shy = nice, I dunno. It certainly adds a level of mystery that’s kinda sexy, I guess. I don’t think I’d be keen on a ‘outdoorsy’ type girl, I guess that I would like girls with a similar personality to me, a little geeky and nerdy, but not too much.

As for likes and dislikes, she’d have to at least have an moderate appreciation for sci-fi, particularly Star Wars, a fan of comedies like American Pie and Superbad, classic comedies like Airplane, and like action films too, like Bond, Indy, LOTR. I’m not too big into romantic comedies but I think I could like them if the right girl came along, so I don’t mind if she was a slight romantic comedy fan, but not a massive one.

Anyway, that’s my ideal girl, as much as I can pin her down in my mind. Of course I realise that as an ideal, it is subject to compromise. And hey, maybe as (if?) I get more experienced with relationships, I’ll get a better idea what I like and don’t like and this will change. But this is it, for now anyway…

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What Did I Do To Deserve This Life

What did I do to deserve this life. Oh yeah, I was just myself. How the world hates that. Sometimes I think we should bring back modest clothing and arranged marriages. F**k sake. Why do girls have to be so sexy? Why do they have to wear such revealing clothing when they are out on the town, that torments and tortures all guys who have no chance in hell of ever coming even within 10 feet of them? Why the hell am I this shy, why can’t I go out to town and get with some random girl? Why, when I’m nearly 20, have I never even held hands with a girl, never mind anything else? Why do women find me so repulsive and uninteresting? Why am I so repulsive and uninteresting? Why doesn’t ‘being yourself’ actually count for f**k all in the real world? Maybe I should resort to internet dating. Maybe I should go to a strip club or pay for a prostitute. Or maybe I should just throw in the towel. Anything to get me away from this torment. I wish there was so such thing as sex or girls.

I’ve Had Enough!

I’ve had enough of caring about what other people think. I’ve had enough of feeling that I am ugly, that no girl would like me. So what that one or two people have said I’m ‘repulsive’ or something along those lines? I don’t actually agree any more. I used to feel the same when I looked in the mirror, just because of what they thought, but I refuse to accept that any more.

I am not ugly. I may not be the most handsome man in the world, but I don’t think I’m that bad. Besides, I have other things that I think are much more important. I know that I would make a great boyfriend to a girl; I’m loyal, loving, (fairly) funny and (fairly) intelligent. If they can’t see that, it’s their loss, not mine.

This isn’t indicative of a major shift in position though; it is not a declaration of confidence by any means. I’m just saying that it’s not as bad as I once thought.

I don’t know how long I will stay with this view though…

Protective Paternalism

She said she must be ugly
She said she can’t be pretty
Because of that rejection
But I think, on closer inspection
Of her personality, that, even if true
Is not really the point

I said she is not ugly
I said she is pretty
But I said also that she is nice
Which is what counts, was my advice
For if a man likes your body only
Then I am sorry, it will not last

I said that it is his loss
I said that he was not right for her
I hate to see a girl rejected
I said these things to keep her protected
For the feelings of a kind soul need it
Or else the kindness is lost forever

It Keeps Coming Back To Haunt Me

It’s another blog post about that girl I used to like. If you’ve been reading this blog for a while you must be really tired of hearing about her, and for that I apologise. For everyone else, if you would like to know what I’m going on about here, see the link above and scroll down to the ‘trackbacks’ tab to read the entire saga unfold, if you like. But I digress.

The whole thing keeps coming back to haunt me. Every time I notice some photos have been posted on Facebook of her (only if it appears in the news feed though, I don’t actively look every day or whatever), I always think about what could have been – what it would be like if it was me standing beside her in the picture, in a happy relationship. I hate her for rejecting me but still kinda like her and the same time. However, the fact this is about photos finally made me realise something.

I never actually properly liked her. Hell, I didn’t really know her. I was just taken in completely by her looks. It’s particularly bad since I believe relationships shouldn’t just be based on looks, but on feelings – I’d betrayed myself, basically. She’s just so unbelievably sexy, and I must admit I became (and do some extent, still am) completely taken in by her looks. I really want to try and forget about it, but as of yet, I cannot. It is probably because I haven’t really taken with any other girl since, therefore she does still hold a certain amount of power over me.

Hopefully though, I’ll eventually be able to get over this stupid infatuation. It’ll just take time.

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