Posts Tagged ‘lonliness’

The Final Goodbye

At the weekend I had my Graduation Ball. On Tuesday I had my Graduation Ceremony. I now have a B.A. (Hons.) History and Politics degree, Upper Second Class. University is officially over for me. So is this blog.

I have enjoyed writing this blog, or rather, have enjoyed the companionship which it has to some extent brought me. I have even made one or two friends through it, albeit online ones. I’ve been disappointed with the lack of comments in comparison to how many views my blog has got, but I do appreciate every comment I get, be it critical or positive ones. In the almost four years I’ve been writing, I’ve got just under 15,500 views on 572 posts (including this one). That’s about 27 views per post, even though a great majority of those are hits on my few top posts that always seem to come from odd internet searches. Probably my blog will continue to see hits long after I have stopped posting here.

I am leaving the site up for now, I am not deleting it. I will keep checking in for any comments or messages I recieve. I will probably continue to update my blog’s Twitter account (found in the side menu) for a while. Certainly if I begin to blog again I will post the new address here, should any of my old followers of this blog seek to check in on me – do not stop following the blog if you wish to do so.

I’ve had a strange life journey throughout this blog. I started off alone and unhappy. The middle section was spent madly in love with J-O. The final section was spent alone and unhappy once more. In many ways those who have followed my blog from the beginning have seen me come full circle. I thank all those who have continued to follow my fortunes since the beginning of this blog, but also those who have only recently discovered me. I thank you all.

Now it is time to say goodbye. For a while at least. I wish you all a very fond farewell, and good luck in your own lives. I will hope that I myself will have some luck too.




My Worst Fear

My worst fear, I can safely say
Does not bother most today
In the age of the social network

But it is one with a colourful past
In the poets of the world, whose work will outlast
Many things produced today

It is the fear of being alone
To pass through the world, unknown
To anyone else

I can see it in my mind’s eye
My bed unattended when I die
The image chills my thoughts

Perhaps I should give in to it
Make my peace, meekly submit
So it may haunt me no longer

I wish it could be done, to eliminate the pain
But no matter how much I try, it is in vain
For it can only be vanquished
By finding that special someone

Frustration Upon Frustration

I’m frustrated. I’m frustrated on two levels. I’m emotionally frustrated, and I’m sexually frustrated (yeah, I bet you really wanted to know that. not). But there is only one cause. The thing I always go on about constantly, the one that you must be sick to death of hearing from my boring blog: girls. It’s always about girls. I wish it wasn’t, but as a guy at my age I just. can’t. help. it. So sue me.

Here we go again. I’ll list the old clichés that I want to write down in respect of these thoughts of frustration. Feel free to doze off.

I want someone that I can hold close. I want someone to kiss. I want someone to.. you know. I want someone to talk to. I want someone to listen to. I want somebody to love me. I want someone who I can give all my love to.

I just want some nice, pretty girl to like me, go out with me, get to know me, and, hopefully, eventually love me. I just don’t want to be alone any more.

Sudden Attack Of Depression

I had a sudden attack of depression today. Well, at least, what I’d call depression. I’m not exactly sure how badly you have to feel to call it proper ‘depression’, but suffice to say I wasn’t feeling very good about myself or my situation.

You see, I suddenly realised that I’ll only really be able to see people during the holidays, unlike in college and school where we all saw each other every day basically. I suddenly really missed everyone. Not that I didn’t miss them before, but today it was rather more acute – I almost cried, but that’s by-the-by.

I’m just so used to being around them most days, that to suddenly realise I’d only be seeing them every 3 months or so seemed like a scary prospect. As you know if you’ve been reading my blog regularly, I live for my friends, and so you can imagine how I must feel now they’re gone. I feel like my life has no purpose, that I have nothing, nobody, to live for. (Okay I do sound kinda suicidal there but, don’t worry, I could never do that).

I honestly don’t know what to do. I thought about qutting university, but that won’t bring my friends back, and it won’t put my in good stead for any future job prospects. It’s all screwed up. M was meant to come over yesterday but didn’t, I think that might have had something to do with it. Who knows? All I know is, all my friends are off having a good time with new friends and I’m stuck here all alone, with my pathetic excuse for an existence. Oh well, things could be worse I suppose…

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