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New Years

I am writing most of this on the train as I head back to Southampton, on the WordPress Android app, to ensure I don’t forget anything important. I have decided to do this post by topic rather than a story of how the time went, because otherwise this post would be so long nobody would read it. It’s long enough as it is! So, here goes:

Me vs roommate: J-O said that she has been living with her roommate for months, and in comparison “you are like a stranger to me.” Her roommate also seems to know, at the very least, that I like J-O. She said something along those lines on the first day, though I can’t remember now exactly what she said.

J-O vs roomate’s friend: J-O’s roommate had 2 friends, one of which stayed over in J-O’s room on Saturday night, while her roomate and other friend slept in a friend’s room. J-O complained that when the beds were put together (which was J-O’s idea) that the friend was too close to me. J-O said she was annoyed when her roommate’s friend hugged me when we were out on Westminster Bridge (when J-O was dancing with random guys!), because “she shouldn’t hug somebody she doesn’t know. Doesn’t she know that you are mine?” I asked J-O if I was only her’s when I got close to another girl. She replied that “you can do what you want. Just it did not make me feel good.” Hypocritical much?

Me and roommate’s friend: I somehow ended up telling the basics of me and J-O to her. She said she could relate to my problem and tried to give me advice. I thought she seemed nice, since she was interested in my problems with J-O, but J-O and J-O’s roommate’s other friend didn’t like her. When J-O said she didn’t like her I said thought she was nice. J-O immediately asked “do you like her?”, to which I replied, “I don’t like like her, I just think she seemed nice.” She seemed satisfied with this.

Me and J-O: she only let me kiss her on the lips a few times. When we were sleeping together I did most of the hugging and almost all of the (non-lip) kissing, though she always wanted to intwine her legs with mine whenever we moved. She was wearing just a t-shirt (my Christmas present to her) and (purple, sort of lacey) panties and I started off staying fully clothed. About halfway through the night she suggested I take my trousers off, and I did; later I decided to take my shirt off, too, leaving me wearing just pants. She got up a few times for various reasons, and it was so sexy watching her move in just that; especially when she had to bent over once or twice. She let me touch her though (not like her boobs or lady-parts but anywhere else) and once, when I had my hand on her bottom, she asked how it was. I said it was very nice, it was sexy. I asked if she minded me touching her there, and she said she didn’t mind. We did kiss on the lips at midnight, the first time I have done such a thing. We watched two films together and both times she was very content to snuggle up with me.  Once I put my finger on her lips and she sort of licked it, which was sexy. Her snuggling up to me, hugging me, closing her eyes as she did so, sometimes falling asleep, was cute, but I couldn’t help thinking it was a bit selfish; she could take advantage of me being there, could snuggle up with me, lean on me, not be lonely, yet I was not able, mostly, to kiss her on the lips, or do anything to please me; all I could do was to enjoy her presence, kiss her on the forehead or cheek, not dare, apart from once or twice, to kiss her on the lips. Again when we slept together I hardly got any sleep.

J-O stuff: I learned she kissed random boys in clubs before. When we were on Westminster Bridge after the fireworks (we couldn’t get there before the fireworks, though we could sort of see them where we were) she danced with a lot of random guys and said happy new year to basically everyone she passed by. She wanted me to stay the night again on Sunday night, but I thought there would not be much point cos I wouldn’t get much sleep and have to do uni work the next day. After I texted her that I got home safely, she called me to see how I was. In the background I could hear her roommate shouting occasionally, and I heard that the three of them (the other friend had gone by then) had a bath together and that they had “seen her cooker”. J-O asked what it meant and it was her, ahem, ‘lady-parts’. On fb chat this morning I joked that when I heard that, ‘I wish I had stayed in the end’.

On her coming over on 21st: her roommate’s friend was from Southampton, it turned out. We started talking about J-O coming to Southampton and J-O told her about the fact she would be only there for 6 hours. J-O’s roommate’s friend then offered for J-O to stay the night at hers, since J-O wasn’t comfortable staying at mine (supposedly because she didn’t want the first time she met my parents to be when she was sleeping over, because they might not like her. I tried to say it was ok, but she wouldn’t concede on this). J-O said she had already booked the coach tickets. Today I found out that if J-O cancelled the tickets 72 hours before her coach was due, she would receive a full refund. I said about this on chat and she said: “mmmm okay. lets discuss it tonight okay. please remind me”. I said ok. I doubt she will go for it, and if she does I am sure she would still insist on staying at her roommate’s friend house not mine. At least she’s prepared to talk about it though.

Just Like Old Times

Two days after our clear-the-air talk (approximately) me and J-O had a conversation that was almost like old times. It started after she mentioned that we’d been talking for a year (as of 12th Feb). I said it was ‘a great year’. She said it was a ‘good year’ but it was ‘hard tho’, but overall she was glad we were close and how I supported her. I said I was glad I could do this for her, and that she’s made me very happy over this past year.

That wasn’t the reason why it was like old times. I asked her if she ever does the lottery, and she said she did a long time ago. She said wouldn’t know what to do if she won the lottery, but then said she would ‘take the first plane to London’. I said I would do something similar, namely go to her town and when I am there, phone her to say where I was as a surprise. Then she suggested ‘we could go anywhere’. I suggested Paris, and she said it would be awesome. Then she said she was imagining it and that she was ‘smiling so much’ when imagining it.

It wasn’t just that though. I think that the next bit was actually even nicer. She said that if I won the lottery I could even have Angelina Jolie. I said “but I don’t want Angelina Jolie. There’s only one girl I want”. She then pretended, in a jokey way, that she didn’t know who I meant. Deciding to go along with this flirtatious coyness, I said “I’ll give you some clues”, then said this person (her) was ‘beautiful, clever, nice, her name begins with J”. She continued with the joke, asking if it was a friend of hers whose name beings with J. I said “no. It is you.” She replied “ I am glad.”

That’s the first time she’s sent me a kiss emoticon since we ‘took a break’. It felt just like back when we were ‘together’. It was great. I can’t wait to finally be with her.

Spin the Bottle

There goes the bottle
Around and around
Quietly spinning
Nobody makes a sound

Suddenly it stops
On its next willing victim
Eyes open wide,
He’s so glad it picked him

He leans over
With that glint in his eye
The other comes to meet him
His hand’s on her thigh

On the game goes
For a while in the night
Frolicking on the floor
Apparently that’s all right

Occasionally I look in
Only standing at the door
Watching in bemusement
As they frolic on the floor

I can see it must be fun
Kissing all the while
It’s the embodiment
Of the teenage lifestyle

But it cannot match
The passion of love
That’s why I can only
Watch from high above

Kissing, Or Lack Thereof

Closer together they do move
Closing their eyes in anticipation
Ready for the kissing groove

Their lips lock in a warm embrace
They linger, for the enjoyment
They part, savouring the feeling

I look away
I cannot watch
I wish I could experience
That warm embrace

Here I am
Nineteen years
Without the feel
Of a woman

Time stretches out before me
With no end in sight
To my inexperience
To my coldness


When did you have your first kiss? I’ve not had mine yet (as you can probably tell from that poem), and was wondering at what age most people have theirs. Please take my poll: https://anonymousteenager.wordpress.com/2011/01/06/first-kiss-poll/

First Kiss Poll

I’m 19 and I am yet to have my first kiss, and I was wondering what the average age people (generally) have theirs. So I’ve set up a poll that I’d really appreciate if people voted on – I’m sure you’d find it interesting what other people put too. Thank you for voting 🙂

Frustrated. Very Much So.

[Warning: This post is extremely misogynist and sad]

I’m at the end of my tether, I really am. I’m just at the point where I just want to kiss a girl. I want to know what it feels like to put my hand on a girl’s hip, to hold a girl’s thigh as we get more intimate. To experience what it feel like to feel the warmth and excitement of a girl’s body against mine as we’re ‘doing it’. I don’t care who it is, as long as she’s fairly fit.

Ha!. Isn’t that the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard? Firstly, there’s no way I could get into a situation where that is remotely possible. Secondly, even if I did, they wouldn’t go for me. Thirdly, even if they did, I would just try to get out of there because I’m scared of intimacy. Not to mention that it’s totally against my principles. (Although that in itself is partly because of jealousy. What a hypocrite I am.)

I do make myself laugh so.

Very Strange and Slightly Disturbing Dream

I had this really strange and disturbing dream last night. I very rarely have dreams (that I remember anyway) so that makes it even more interesting and troubling (even though I’m only an amateur who thinks he knows about psychology) from a psychological viewpoint.

Basically, in the dream I was showing E (one of my best friends, who is a girl, if you’ve never read my blog before) something on my laptop. We were sitting on my bed with the laptop just beside me. Then, for some reason, she fell over onto me. Then she kissed me on the cheek. Then she started kissing me on the lips, and it was at that point my parents came in and said (something along the lines of) “Oh, look what [my name here] is doing up here! I knew he liked her!” That was the end of the dream.

The thing is, in this dream it is her that kissed me, so hopefully that means that I don’t like her in that way. Although of course, just because it was her, not me, that started it, doesn’t necessarily mean I don’t like her in that way. I’m not sure about that but. The reason it was strange and disturbing though was not any of that – it was the kiss. In the dream, the kiss wasn’t something nice. When she kissed me it hurt, quite a lot. I cannot really work out what that means, although my theory is that it might be saying that I consider any relationship I would start with her would be painful, at least in the end, not a good thing at all.

I don’t know what you people think, but any thoughts would be much appreciated.

P,S For all those who don’t read my blog regularly, in the dream my parents said “I knew he liked her” because my parents think I like her in a sexual way. In actuality I consider her a close friend, more like a sister to me, actually, and I’ve told them this, but they don’t believe me. A lot of other people seem to think it too, but they’re all wrong.)

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