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Dreaming of J-O

I had a dream about J-O last night. It wasn’t a very long one. I think it’s pretty obvious what it means though. The thing is, I tried to talk to her on Skype yesterday, but she didn’t respond. I expected as much but it clearly affected me. Here’s my dream:

J-O was living in Southampton (for some reason) and we had just met up for a catch-up. We were walking back the same direction for a while until we split off in different directions. I kept walking for a few minutes but then I decided to turn back to try and catch up with her and stay with her for a bit longer. However, I could not find her, even though she can’t got gone far in the time since we’d parted. I then trudged back home in the rain along with a lot of other people that were randomly walking in the same direction.

It’s pretty clear what it means: I know we’re going in different directions, I want to return to her, but it won’t happen.

The Pessimistic Dream & Nightmare

The Dream:

I am 30. I have a good job which enables me to live comfortably. I have a flat in which I live on my own. The main room has a massive TV in it, and a range of games consoles. I can afford to regularly treat myself with nice evenings out at restaurants and other places. I have a fridge well-stocked with not very healthy food and drink but I also exercise regularly at a gym so I don’t get fat. There is no woman in my life, but I am happy with what I have.

The Nightmare:

I am 30. I have a rubbish job working at a supermarket and I don’t have much money. I am still living with my  parents and still have the TV I bought when I was 18, along with my PS3. I am fairly overweight. There is no woman in my life; I’m miserable but try to not let it both me too much.

A Stupid Daydream

For some reason, when I was at work yesterday I had this strange sort of day-dream almost. In this day-dream my phone rang and it was J-O. She asked me “do you really love me?”, to which I replied “yes, of course I do.” Then she said “then come see me tomorrow”.

What a stupid think to dream about. It’s like something out of a terrible romantic comedy. Honestly. Talk about wishful thinking! I think I have some way to go towards moving on from this thing.

The Only Dream

I had a dream
I was kissing you

I had a dream
I was hugging you

I had a dream
That would once be real

Then you broke the spell
You returned me to hell

The dream was just that
So, lonely, I sat

Dreaming the dream
That may never come true

But try as I might
All I dream of is you

A Strange Dream

Last night I had a really weird dream. My family have a rabbit, you see. Last night I dreamt that I was at home during one of the days I don’t have to go into uni, and while our rabbit was out in the garden. When I was looking out the window onto the garden, three hares (I think) came into the garden and started attacking our rabbit (I’m not sure if a hare would attack a rabbit). They circled it, biting it every so often. I ran out to scare them off, and then (here comes the strange bit) somebody leapt over our back fence and started to run towards them, scaring them off.

Really weird.

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I Wish I Could Just Get On A Plane…

Last night, when trying to get to sleep, I suddenly thought ‘I wish I could just get on a plane and visit her’. What probably prompted this thought was when my friend J said that him and M were going to visit Bulgaria and joked (I think it was a joke anyway) that I could come along with them and see J-O. However, looking back on it I’m not even sure he said that. The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that I dreamt he said that, or imagined it somehow. Anyway, I would love to visit her in Bulgaria. I have time – 3 months (from today) to be exact in which I could do it.

There are only several major problems with this idea. Firstly, how to explain about J-O to my parents and then convince them to go on my own or with J and M (if it turns out I didn’t dream J saying that). If that wasn’t difficult enough, I’d have to then organise it, spend lots of money on flights and converting currency to spend while I’m there. (Oh yeah and I’ve talked to J-O and she said I could stay at hers rather than stay in a hotel, so that would save a lot of money) And I’d have to ask work if they’d give me a week off, which I’m not sure they will do even though they’re always very accommodating.

And this is all presuming J-O’s parents can be convinced to let a-random-stranger-that-their-daughter-has-only-met-on-the-internet stay in their house, probably in her room(!),for a few days (not the whole week – J-O suggested we go away to the beach for a few days you see). Yeah, that sounds like an easy obstacle to get over. Not. (And similarly with my parents, letting their son go to a far-away country on his own to meet some random girl (who may not be who she says she is!).)

It’s a nice idea. But it’s never going to more than an idea, a pipe dream.

Very Strange and Slightly Disturbing Dream

I had this really strange and disturbing dream last night. I very rarely have dreams (that I remember anyway) so that makes it even more interesting and troubling (even though I’m only an amateur who thinks he knows about psychology) from a psychological viewpoint.

Basically, in the dream I was showing E (one of my best friends, who is a girl, if you’ve never read my blog before) something on my laptop. We were sitting on my bed with the laptop just beside me. Then, for some reason, she fell over onto me. Then she kissed me on the cheek. Then she started kissing me on the lips, and it was at that point my parents came in and said (something along the lines of) “Oh, look what [my name here] is doing up here! I knew he liked her!” That was the end of the dream.

The thing is, in this dream it is her that kissed me, so hopefully that means that I don’t like her in that way. Although of course, just because it was her, not me, that started it, doesn’t necessarily mean I don’t like her in that way. I’m not sure about that but. The reason it was strange and disturbing though was not any of that – it was the kiss. In the dream, the kiss wasn’t something nice. When she kissed me it hurt, quite a lot. I cannot really work out what that means, although my theory is that it might be saying that I consider any relationship I would start with her would be painful, at least in the end, not a good thing at all.

I don’t know what you people think, but any thoughts would be much appreciated.

P,S For all those who don’t read my blog regularly, in the dream my parents said “I knew he liked her” because my parents think I like her in a sexual way. In actuality I consider her a close friend, more like a sister to me, actually, and I’ve told them this, but they don’t believe me. A lot of other people seem to think it too, but they’re all wrong.)

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