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The Final Goodbye

At the weekend I had my Graduation Ball. On Tuesday I had my Graduation Ceremony. I now have a B.A. (Hons.) History and Politics degree, Upper Second Class. University is officially over for me. So is this blog.

I have enjoyed writing this blog, or rather, have enjoyed the companionship which it has to some extent brought me. I have even made one or two friends through it, albeit online ones. I’ve been disappointed with the lack of comments in comparison to how many views my blog has got, but I do appreciate every comment I get, be it critical or positive ones. In the almost four years I’ve been writing, I’ve got just under 15,500 views on 572 posts (including this one). That’s about 27 views per post, even though a great majority of those are hits on my few top posts that always seem to come from odd internet searches. Probably my blog will continue to see hits long after I have stopped posting here.

I am leaving the site up for now, I am not deleting it. I will keep checking in for any comments or messages I recieve. I will probably continue to update my blog’s Twitter account (found in the side menu) for a while. Certainly if I begin to blog again I will post the new address here, should any of my old followers of this blog seek to check in on me – do not stop following the blog if you wish to do so.

I’ve had a strange life journey throughout this blog. I started off alone and unhappy. The middle section was spent madly in love with J-O. The final section was spent alone and unhappy once more. In many ways those who have followed my blog from the beginning have seen me come full circle. I thank all those who have continued to follow my fortunes since the beginning of this blog, but also those who have only recently discovered me. I thank you all.

Now it is time to say goodbye. For a while at least. I wish you all a very fond farewell, and good luck in your own lives. I will hope that I myself will have some luck too.

Goodbye.

    AnonymousTeenager

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An Apology

I owe everyone an apology for my last post. I let my truly dark side out and many of you, naturally, were appalled. I am sorry. I am sorry for objectifying women, and one particular woman in particular. I did not realise quite how crass I was being. I am in a bad place right now, but I know that this does not in any way justify or mitigate what I said. To be honest, I am not myself sure where this side of me came from. I have always looked down upon those who treated women as objects, and now I find that I am one of those people. I have let myself down.

Categories: Personal, Self-reflection Tags:

21 & Other Things

I turned 21 last week. I don’t feel that different, but I begin to feel old when I realise that I was last technically a teenager over a year ago now. I still feel like a teenager. I celebrated my birthday with a load of my friends. First they came to my house for pre-drinks and then we went into town. I couldn’t remember much after we left my house though. I blame my friend J, because he made me have a shot of absinthe shortly before we left for town – I think that put me ‘over the edge’.

I thought initially that I wanted to find out from my friends what had happened out in town, but then I thought it would probably be really embarrassing and so I didn’t want to know. In the end they told me a few things anyway; I had a little pole-dance with my (male) friend A in Reflex (cringe!), but not for long cos we apparently (and not surprisingly) got ‘weird looks’; my friend A got 6 girls to kiss me (on the cheek) but I apparently ‘wasn’t really interested’, even though I danced with one of them for a while. All in all, pretty embarrassing… I’m actually pretty glad I don’t remember it.

On another topic, J-O is coming back to the UK tomorrow to start her new au pair job, somewhere in Surrey. I haven’t talked to her for a while so I’m not sure exactly where it is (last time we talked, she didn’t know). I will call her tomorrow to check how she is. This is because (A) I do still worry about her (as a friend), especially considering how she disliked being an au pair last year, and now she’ll be doing it with a new family in a town/city she’s never been to before, and (B) because I am determined to ‘keep her sweet’ by acting all concerned and friendly so that she doesn’t try and worm her way out of her promise to come to my Grad Ball with me – I really don’t want to waste the £40 I spent on her ticket (it’s person-specific and non-transferable, you see).

Lastly, I’m not sure what to do with this blog. I’m not a teenager any more, and don’t want to confuse new readers by keeping blogging here. I may set up another blog, but I’m not sure that I will have much to blog about for a while. I dunno if to set it up soon and try and persuade my current subscribers to subscribe to my new blog and probably not post in it for a while, or wait until I have something to write about then set it up and post on here that I have a new blog. I also don’t want to lose the content though, so I will be keeping it up on WordPress whatever I do.

Although I’m not quite yet finished here, I’d still like to say: thanks for everything, loyal readers. It’s been an interesting journey…

Finished Uni!

Tutu

It’s official. I’ve finally finished uni. I had no exams, all my essays have been handed in, all books returned and any outstanding fines are paid. Now I’m just waiting for my result – which is looking kinda shaky, I may end up with a Desmond.  But there’s nothing I can do about it now. I shall be spending the next month or so until my graduation relaxing and searching for graduate jobs. I may not end up with a proper graduate job, I may have to get an ordinary job just to tie me over for a while.

The summer might be ok apart from that. I’m going to see Tenacious D in London next week and I shall be going to Amsterdam with a few friends at the end of August. Also, something might be happening between me and that J-R girl (but then it might not).

I’m not sure what I’m going to do with this blog once I’ve graduated. I’ll probably stop using it, since it was supposed to only be about my teenage years (hence my username) but got extended to include my uni years. I’m not sure if I’ll start another one right away, as I doubt I’ll have anything much to talk about for a while. If I did do another blog, I have no idea what I’d call it. If I do start another blog in the next year or so though I will be sure to post it here (if it’s anonymous).

Anyway, I’ll probably have a few posts between now and graduation, so see you all around 🙂

A Little Revive

I’m bringing back the blog already! Over the last few days I’ve had reasons to post topics I’ve been thinking about. I think I needed this break to recharge my blogging batteries. However I can’t say that this will be a permanent revival of this blog. I have 8 posts which I will go live one per day over the next week or so, but beyond that I can’t say if I’ll be doing any more posts. I hope you enjoy the ones I have written though – the first one will drop in a few hours.

Oh, One Last Thing

I’d just like to point out a few things that I decided after I posted my supposed ‘last’ post:

1) I may return to the blog if I feel like it. This may only be a temporary break, if I can think of new, interesting things to post about.

2) I will still be updating my Twitter account, if you still want to follow me in some form in the meantime.

3) I will still be checking my blog stats, comments and feeback form regularly, so feel free to continue to use those parts of the blog.

4) I will still be checking the email account I set up for this blog: 

Thanks again for reading, everyone.

The End Of The Blogging Road

I don’t remember if I mentioned it on here (I know I did on Twitter), but yesterday I went to a gig in London with J-O. It went ok apart from an argument after I thought she’d left the venue early, without me. This time, she gave out no mixed signals at all. When we were heading back (and I was drunk) I started to kiss her cheek, but she told me to stop. When we were sleeping together, she didn’t hug me or even intwine her legs with mine as she’d done before (though she did motion to me to hug her several times, and held my hand and played with my hair a few times). It seems that we now really are just friends. When we parted this morning I cheekily stole one kiss on the lips, for which I was (not particularly seriously) reprimanded for. Considering it was the last kiss I’m going to have for a long time, it was worth it.

When we walked to the train station together, I asked her why she’d asked me, just before we went to bed the night before, how I felt about her. She said she didn’t know why she asked. She said that she remembers her old relationship fondly, wished she had the same thing now. But she said that she didn’t see herself going into a relationship while she is at university in London, because everybody lives so far away from each other, compared to her old boyfriend who lived just 30 mins walking distance from her house in Bulgaria. I took a sort of solace in this, though was skeptical as to if she would still think that if some nice guy came along.

This time I managed not to cry when we parted. I did apparently look upset though, as she told me: “don’t worry, we will see each other on Saturday, it’s not long”. (She is not staying for the night, she decided.) Yet all through my train journey, and my 25 min walk home, I was fighting back tears. When I got home (the house was empty), I cried for about 15 mins. Not because me and J-O are now seriously just friends. I’d expected that to come eventually, even if not so soon. It’s because I suddenly felt so alone, I suddenly realised fully that I was alone again. It was because I realised that there was no prospect of meeting another girl who liked me for ages, that I’ve wasted pretty much 2 years of my life revolving around this one girl, and now there’s nobody else left.

Since J-O took over the blog anyway, and that’s now ending, I feel it’s time to bring this blog to a close. It’s deteriorated pretty badly in the last year. Not in terms of views, which have gone up, but in terms of content. It’s become all about J-O, a never-ending cycle that was boring and frustrating many readers. It’s burnt me out of blogging, at least for a while. I will leave this blog here, I won’t delete it, so others can read it. I may yet come back to blogging and, if so, will post the link to my new blog here. But I think it’s time to move on. I think it will also help with my personal problems as, if anything, this blog has made me more focused on the details of what troubling me, causing me to focus on them more, in a never-ending spiral. Maybe if I stop thinking so many about things in this blog, I can stop being so uptight, begin to loosen up. Who knows, I may yet return here in something interesting happens. Certainly I will post when I graduate from uni, to bring it to a proper closure.

Lastly, I’d like to thanks all my regular followers and commentors, who have shared their wisdom, some of which was used, others of which were discarded, perhaps wrongly. Thank you for being interested in my life, at least. I wish you all the best of luck in yours.

Goodbye, at least for now,

AnonymousTeenager

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