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An Injustice (J-O)

This morning when I woke up I had a thought. A thought about one major injustice in my recent life. That me and J-O were ‘together’ for over a year and yet I never had sex with her, whereas this new boyfriend of hers has not known her nearly as long, nor will have been in a relationship with her for anywhere near as long, yet will probably get to have sex with her soon, if they haven’t had sex already. Read more…

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Walking Away

Walking away
I look back
Seeing your face
I wave goodbye
You wave back
And smile
Your perfect smile

Walking away
I look back
I can’t see you
Something’s in the way
I frown
But keep walking

Walking away
I look back
Seeing your face
I wave goodbye
You wave back
And smile
Your perfect smile

Walking away
I look back
I just see the
Back of your head
Your curly black hair
Bobbing  gently in the wind

Walking away
I look back
I see your back
As you walk away
Wishing you’d turn
So I could see
Your perfect smile

I have to walk away
Though I don’t want to
I can’t keep looking back
Though I want to
I have to go, have to miss
Your perfect smile

The ‘Ideal’ Girl?

The post I wrote yesterday got me thinking about what I really look for in a girl. This is hard to say, as I’ve never had a proper girlfriend before, been on a date, or even had a friendship with a girl that could have progressed further. I’m not just talking about looks, but personality, likes and dislikes, all that stuff.

Starting on looks, I can’t say I’m too picky. I’ve not got a particular preference as far as hair colour is concerned, although if I had to choose one I’d say brown; I’m not sure why but I find it sexier than other colours, and fairly long, at least shoulder height I’d say. As for eyes, I really do have no preference. For build, I’d just say normal, ‘healthy’, as such. Also freckles (as I’ve mentioned before) are cute but not essential by any means.

As for personality, I’m actually attracted to the shier, quieter girls. Perhaps it’s based on the assumption that shy = nice, I dunno. It certainly adds a level of mystery that’s kinda sexy, I guess. I don’t think I’d be keen on a ‘outdoorsy’ type girl, I guess that I would like girls with a similar personality to me, a little geeky and nerdy, but not too much.

As for likes and dislikes, she’d have to at least have an moderate appreciation for sci-fi, particularly Star Wars, a fan of comedies like American Pie and Superbad, classic comedies like Airplane, and like action films too, like Bond, Indy, LOTR. I’m not too big into romantic comedies but I think I could like them if the right girl came along, so I don’t mind if she was a slight romantic comedy fan, but not a massive one.

Anyway, that’s my ideal girl, as much as I can pin her down in my mind. Of course I realise that as an ideal, it is subject to compromise. And hey, maybe as (if?) I get more experienced with relationships, I’ll get a better idea what I like and don’t like and this will change. But this is it, for now anyway…

Falling Behind

While trying to get to sleep after a night out with my friends last night, I had a concerning realisation: my lack of experience ‘with the ladies’  means that I am falling further and further behind everyone else. I can just imagine, if I suddenly find a girl this year that wants to go on a date with me, me saying that I, a 21 year old man (and I am now a man, supposedly, I realise) has never been on a date before; if it progresses further and we sleep together then I have to explain that I’ve never had sex before. I mean, that’s crazy, isn’t it? If any girl I went out with heard any of that, she would laugh in my face. So then lack of experience breeds lack of experience and it’s an endless cycle. I’m not sure if there is any point at this stage of starting a relationship because of this. I dunno. I’m probably overreacting. But at the same time, it’s still a concern; how many people can say, at age 21, that they’ve never been on a date? Not many, I think…

An Issue With Chuck Season 3

One of my favorite TV programmes is Chuck. If you don’t know anything about it, it’s about a nerd called Chuck Bartowski who works at an electronics store (called the ‘Buy More’) and one day is sent an email by an ex-college friend which, upon opening, places all the secrets the CIA and NSA knows into his head, called “The Intersect”. By season 3 this had been upgraded to the “Intersect 2.0” which also imparts various abilities such as kung fu, and the like. Throughout this he is protected by his NSA handler John Casey and CIA handler Sarah Walker, with whom (Sarah) he is romantically linked in an ‘will-they-won’t they’ kinda thing that TV shows like to do.

Now, here’s the thing. At the end of season 2 Sarah and Chuck almost run away together, but Chuck decides to stay with the CIA to learn how to be a ‘real spy’. They are again not together, as is required by the ‘will-they-won’t-they’ thing. Then, on a mission, Chuck encounters a woman, Hannah, he likes and after talking basically gets her to come work at the Buy More. At the same time Sarah is linked with a new agent, called Shaw. However, the shows writers decide that the best thing in order to preserve they ‘will-they-won’t-they’  thing between Sarah and Chuck, is for Hannah to make an exit just a few episodes after being introduced.

Personally, I would have liked to have seen the relationship between Chuck and Hannah develop. It would have been nice to have seen Chuck have a bit of success with the ladies for once, and the writers could keep their ‘will-they-won’t-they’ kinda in play as the potential for Chuck and Sarah to get together is still high; they could easily just lose Hannah at the same time they lose Shaw (through an unrelated thing to each other, I mean), especially since Shaw is only really around for season 3 anyway. I dunno, maybe it has something to do with projecting my feelings onto the characters, but I still think the show could be just as good if Chuck and Hannah stayed together a little longer.

The Simple Life

This poem was an attempt to write down how I feel when I stroke our pet rabbit sometimes. He’s so cute, when you stroke him he often lies down and just sits there like he’s really enjoying it. In those moments, especially on a sunny day like yesterday, it is almost as comforting as having a girl there – but the moment you stop, you realise how empty you really feel, how much you long for human contact. It kinda fails as a poem, it sounds a bit weird to be honest, but at the same time it’s how I feel so – I’m putting it out there and letting ‘the public’ decide, as it were.


I lie there
Stroking your hair
We’re both just content
To stop and to stare

I look up, gazing
At the clear blue sky
Wondering why I
Aren’t with my own kind

I slowly stand up
Give you one last stroke
You wander off
Back to nibbling the grass

It’s nice to lay there
To stroke your fur
But at the end of the day
You’re not her

Song That Caught A Feeling

This song came on the radio when I was having my hair cut the other day and it really resonated with me. Those regular readers will be able to guess why…


I always thought that I knew 
I’d always have the right to
Be living in the kingdom of the good and true
and so on

But now I think how I was wrong 
And you were laughing along 
And now I look a fool for thinking you were on, my side

Is it any wonder I’m tired 
Is it any wonder that I feel uptight 
Is it any wonder I don’t know what’s right 

Sometimes 
It’s hard to know where I stand 
It’s hard to know where I am 
Well maybe it’s a puzzle I don’t understand 

But sometimes 
I get the feeling that I’m 
Stranded in the wrong time 
Where love is just a lyric in a children’s rhyme, a soundbite

Is it any wonder that I’m tired 
Is it any wonder that I feel uptight 
Is it any wonder I don’t know what’s right 
Oh, these days 
After all the misery you made 
Is it any wonder that I feel afraid 
Is it any wonder that I feel betrayed 

Nothing left inside this old cathedral 
Just the sad lonely spires 
How do you make it right 

Oh, but you try 
Is it any wonder I’m tired 
Is it any wonder that I feel uptight 
Is it any wonder I don’t know what’s right 
oh, these days 
After all the misery you made 
Is it any wonder that I feel afraid 
Is it any wonder that I feel betrayed 

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