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Archive for June, 2012

A Drunken Late-Night Conversation With Mates

After the England game last week, when we crashed out of Euro 2012 on penalties (again, penalties, always penalties!) me and my friends A and J went to the local park to have a kick-about (yes, at 12pm, yes, we were fairly drunk). We didn’t do it for very long though because it was dark and there weren’t many street lights near the grassy bit. So we decided to make our way over to the playground, and we went on the swings and the roundabout, because we’re that cool. We stayed there for over an hour because we were talking.

What were we talking about? Well, we were all guys, A had just broken up with his girlfriend, and J is constantly having little problems with his girlfriend. So naturally the topic, for most of the time, was sex. Firstly, A and J asked each other what they’d done sexually and stuff like that. Then A started talking about how he “hadn’t had sex in 5 weeks” and so was “so fucking horny”; he said he “couldn’t imagine how [I] must feel”, having never had sex at all, that it must be “unbelievably difficult”; I said “you have no idea”. Then J said how he was having a housewarming party for his new uni house he’s moving into in September, and how we should go to it, and then A suggested that him and J should ‘get me laid’. J said that there’s this girl he knows who kept flirting with him, saying she was looking for “a nice guy” and that maybe they could try and hook me up with her. I went along with it because I know it won’t happen, but their hearts are in the right place.

My friend J then went on to talk about his girlfriend, M, which I won’t really go into here. Basically, they’ve been together for over 4 years but, for various reasons, some justifiable and some not so much, she’s still very insecure about their relationship (for example, they can basically never go anywhere or do anything without each other). Although their relationship is strong, this continues and it a continuous source of low-level annoyance for J. By the end of this conversation it was about 1:30pm and they insisted that I could not walk back alone, and so I stayed at J’s house. They are such good friends, it was such a great night.

Just a shame about England…

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Socialising with Co-Workers?

Today one of my co-workers at my part-time job invited me – along with most of the other staff our age – to his ‘housewarming party’ (he’s moving in with his girlfriend; I’ll explain how I know that in a minute).

Now, I’ve never socialised with my co-workers before. I’ve been there almost five years now (which is crazy) but I’ve never met anybody from work outside work (aside from bumping into them in town on a night out once). Partly this is because when I first started, and for the first 3 years or so I was there, the majority of the staff were much older than me.  As such, I never got into the habit of going on staff socials. However, in the past 2 years most of the old ‘uns have left, and a much younger cohort of people now staff the store. Yet because I’ve not been to staff socials before I didn’t try to get into the habit, not to mention that because I’d been so reluctant to before, nobody bothers mentioning such things to me, I still haven’t been on any. Because of the young cohort that are now at the store though, I have been thinking about preparing to go on a staff social.

So, I began to seriously think about going to this ‘housewarming party’. However, there was one major snag: the person who was hosting the party. I knew him in primary school. He was the same age as me but was in the year below as he’d been kept back a year by his parents. He used to have this little ‘gang’ that used to harass me in… year 4 or 5 I think it was. As you can imagine, this meant that I hated him, and have vowed to never speak to me since. His mum and my mum are still friends and although we both work at the same place (though he works only one day that is the same as when I work) I basically never speak to him, except when I have to.

So, this put me in a dilemma: do I go because it will be socialising with my co-workers (one who I kinda fancy said she was going) or do I not go because I don’t like this guy because of what happened 10 or more years ago and I don’t want to be friends with him?

My mum suggested I go, but with a friend, so I can have a person to fall back on if it doesn’t go well. I’m not sure to be honest. I’m still thinking about it. I will call my friend and see if he would like to go with me (presuming I would be able to take him with me if I go) and then I’ll decide nearer the time I think (although it’s only next week actually, so I don’t have very long to decide).

Song That Caught A Feeling

This song came on the radio when I was having my hair cut the other day and it really resonated with me. Those regular readers will be able to guess why…


I always thought that I knew 
I’d always have the right to
Be living in the kingdom of the good and true
and so on

But now I think how I was wrong 
And you were laughing along 
And now I look a fool for thinking you were on, my side

Is it any wonder I’m tired 
Is it any wonder that I feel uptight 
Is it any wonder I don’t know what’s right 

Sometimes 
It’s hard to know where I stand 
It’s hard to know where I am 
Well maybe it’s a puzzle I don’t understand 

But sometimes 
I get the feeling that I’m 
Stranded in the wrong time 
Where love is just a lyric in a children’s rhyme, a soundbite

Is it any wonder that I’m tired 
Is it any wonder that I feel uptight 
Is it any wonder I don’t know what’s right 
Oh, these days 
After all the misery you made 
Is it any wonder that I feel afraid 
Is it any wonder that I feel betrayed 

Nothing left inside this old cathedral 
Just the sad lonely spires 
How do you make it right 

Oh, but you try 
Is it any wonder I’m tired 
Is it any wonder that I feel uptight 
Is it any wonder I don’t know what’s right 
oh, these days 
After all the misery you made 
Is it any wonder that I feel afraid 
Is it any wonder that I feel betrayed 

Just Life

When you’re happy
It’s just life

When you’re sad
It’s just life

When you’re confused
It’s just life

When you’re perplexed
It’s just life

When you’re ecstatic
It’s just life

When you’re depressed
It’s just life

Life
At the end of the day
It’s all just life

21 & Other Things

I turned 21 last week. I don’t feel that different, but I begin to feel old when I realise that I was last technically a teenager over a year ago now. I still feel like a teenager. I celebrated my birthday with a load of my friends. First they came to my house for pre-drinks and then we went into town. I couldn’t remember much after we left my house though. I blame my friend J, because he made me have a shot of absinthe shortly before we left for town – I think that put me ‘over the edge’.

I thought initially that I wanted to find out from my friends what had happened out in town, but then I thought it would probably be really embarrassing and so I didn’t want to know. In the end they told me a few things anyway; I had a little pole-dance with my (male) friend A in Reflex (cringe!), but not for long cos we apparently (and not surprisingly) got ‘weird looks’; my friend A got 6 girls to kiss me (on the cheek) but I apparently ‘wasn’t really interested’, even though I danced with one of them for a while. All in all, pretty embarrassing… I’m actually pretty glad I don’t remember it.

On another topic, J-O is coming back to the UK tomorrow to start her new au pair job, somewhere in Surrey. I haven’t talked to her for a while so I’m not sure exactly where it is (last time we talked, she didn’t know). I will call her tomorrow to check how she is. This is because (A) I do still worry about her (as a friend), especially considering how she disliked being an au pair last year, and now she’ll be doing it with a new family in a town/city she’s never been to before, and (B) because I am determined to ‘keep her sweet’ by acting all concerned and friendly so that she doesn’t try and worm her way out of her promise to come to my Grad Ball with me – I really don’t want to waste the £40 I spent on her ticket (it’s person-specific and non-transferable, you see).

Lastly, I’m not sure what to do with this blog. I’m not a teenager any more, and don’t want to confuse new readers by keeping blogging here. I may set up another blog, but I’m not sure that I will have much to blog about for a while. I dunno if to set it up soon and try and persuade my current subscribers to subscribe to my new blog and probably not post in it for a while, or wait until I have something to write about then set it up and post on here that I have a new blog. I also don’t want to lose the content though, so I will be keeping it up on WordPress whatever I do.

Although I’m not quite yet finished here, I’d still like to say: thanks for everything, loyal readers. It’s been an interesting journey…

Dreaming of J-O

I had a dream about J-O last night. It wasn’t a very long one. I think it’s pretty obvious what it means though. The thing is, I tried to talk to her on Skype yesterday, but she didn’t respond. I expected as much but it clearly affected me. Here’s my dream:

J-O was living in Southampton (for some reason) and we had just met up for a catch-up. We were walking back the same direction for a while until we split off in different directions. I kept walking for a few minutes but then I decided to turn back to try and catch up with her and stay with her for a bit longer. However, I could not find her, even though she can’t got gone far in the time since we’d parted. I then trudged back home in the rain along with a lot of other people that were randomly walking in the same direction.

It’s pretty clear what it means: I know we’re going in different directions, I want to return to her, but it won’t happen.

Lost

It’s the weekend
I crawl out of bed
I venture out my door
The house is dead

I venture downstairs
Unsure what to do
I feel kinda lost,
Without purpose

I stare at the floor
My mind has gone blank
Not knowing why I’m here
I retire back to my room

I sit on the sofa there
I turn on my PS3
But I just stop and stare
I cannot decide what to play

So instead I sit here
Writing out this feeling
In the hope that this act
Would make it disappear

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