Home > Friends, Friendship, Girls, Life, Personal, Relationships, Self-reflection, Thoughts > Current Exhaustion, Why I Feel How I Feel About J-O, and Companionship

Current Exhaustion, Why I Feel How I Feel About J-O, and Companionship

I’ve been feeling pretty exhausted, both physically and mentally, and today I found myself being upset for no apparent reason. Although it was last day at university, that wasn’t the reason… having commuted there and made few friends in the three years I’d been there means that the place doesn’t have much hold over my thoughts. It might have been due to the recent return of my dissertation and it’s disappointing 2:2 mark. To be honest, I don’t really know. But it did also get me thinking about why I still feel so strongly about J-O, and I think I may have figured out why.

For the last three years and, well, way before that too to be honest, I either had hardly any friends or, when I was close to my friends during sixth form college, I wasn’t actually that ‘close’ to any of them. Neither did I have a girlfriend to talk to. Thus when she took and interest in me, made the effort to converse with me every day, to actually just talk to someone about anything and for them to seem interested was a major thing for me. I’ve spent the last 5 years or more mostly only staying in contact with people while at college or uni during breaks or on occasional social events, but little else apart from that. I’ve spent most of my time over the last 5 years when I wasn’t at college/uni or out with my friends sitting at my laptop trying desperatly to pass the time, without any communication with the outside world; and the outside world of my friends wasn’t too keen to peer in either, and who can blame them?

In short, for once in my life, I felt like someone cared about me, was interested in me, with whom I could share all my thoughts. And now, for the last year (in being, in fact, almost exactly a year since our argument over her finally arriving in the UK in the early morning with only 2 days notice requiring me to move heaven and earth just to see her, which I couldn’t them do and have regretted ever since [gasp for breath]), again nobody has cared about me, and I haven’t given anyone a reason to care about me (except perhaps you, dear readers, who I do appreciate, but at this same time isn’t anywhere near the same, I regret to say). So forgive me if I haven’t fully gotten over her yet…

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