Home > Girls, Life, Personal, Relationships, Self-reflection, Thoughts > Perhaps It Wasn’t Love? (J-O)

Perhaps It Wasn’t Love? (J-O)

Several people who follow my blog have said, basically, that I wasn’t really in love with J-O, I was simply projecting my needs onto her. Basically, that I didn’t love J-O, rather I loved the idea of J-O. I’m beginning to think there might be something in this argument.

On the one hand, I am pretty sure that when we were just knew each other online, when we seemed to have this perfect long-distance relationship where we could chat for hours on end every day on Skype, would share everything, have pet names for each other, have cute in-jokes, could do audio chat, do video chat, sometimes not even needing to talk but being content to just look at the other person, and feel happy because it felt like we had somebody. I did get to know her, she got to know me. I was in love with her, the real her.

But I think that it’s true that, once she was here and our relationship was derailed by the reality of being so far apart, along with some mistakes on my part, I perhaps fell into the trap of an idealised love. Because we only saw each other once, where we got on well, and then she decided that it didn’t and she didn’t want to see me again, I thought that if we were just together it would be just like that first day together which seemed to go so well on the day. I couldn’t see her again for months, so that idea stayed. I fooled myself into thinking I loved her, because I wanted somebody to hug and kiss, to feel like somebody loved me.

Yet there is still a part of me that thinks I do still love her for real. I’m not sure that part will ever go away. I think I will always love her. But I can control it. It will slowly wither away.

I hope…

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