Home > Friends, Friendship, Girls, Life, Parties, Personal, Self-reflection, Thoughts > The Solution That Isn’t A Solution (J-O)

The Solution That Isn’t A Solution (J-O)

Well, on the subject of my last post, there has been a conclusion of sorts. A very messy, uncertain conclusion.

I decided to say to J-O that unless I could sleep in her bed, I wouldn’t go. She didn’t quite concede on that point. What she said was that if bringing a sleeping bag was the problem then I didn’t have to bring one, and that they could push the beds together and we (that is, J-O, me, her roommate, and her roommate’s cousin, of whom I don’t know if it’s male or female, although I’m guessing female) could all sleep on there. She also suggested I could use the next room as the person who usually lives there gave J-O the keys for in case her mum wanted to sleep there. I said I wouldn’t be comfortable sleeping in another person’s bed, especially since that bed belongs to a man. (The thought of sleeping in another man’s bed is not good, you have no idea what kind of things they’ve got up to in there. If it was a woman’s that would be okay, because, well, it’s hard to explain, but you know what we guys are like). She said ok but I suspect she may yet suggest it again.

In amongst talking about all this, we ended up in another discussion about ‘us’. She basically said that she wants us just to be friends and when I said that all I want is for us to be able to do whatever we want when we meet, as we have done, she said that “just because it” (kissing and suchlike) “has happened before, doesn’t mean it will happen again”. I basically accepted that in a way. I told her that all I asked of her was to remember how I feel about her. She asked if that meant she had to do anything, and I said no, because that’s not fair on her. The reason I accepted this was because I figure that so far, every time we have met we have ended up, eventually, bring more than friendly. I know that there is a strong possibility that this won’t happen every time, but I am gambling that because tonight will be a night of drunken festivities, there is an increased likelihood that we will end up more than friendly; after all, the one time she texted me that she missed me was when she was drunk with her mum. I can only hope the theory is true, that if she is drinking she is more likely to reveal how she really thinks of me, remember how much she likes me, as more than a friend.

I feel terrible for not going to my friend’s New Year party and telling her at such short notice though. I know it’s not good, not something a good friend would do, but I just can’t resist the opportunity to see J-O. It’s an awful excuse, but I can’t help it. Especially since, as I’ve said, there is an opportunity that, again, in the heat of the moment, J-O will throw caution to the wind and, shall we say, ‘enjoy my company’.

  1. Random Stranger
    31/12/2011 at 5:57 pm

    Dude, I came across your blog randomly through a google search for fireworks and got reading the last few entries. The bizarre nature of the internet allows me to give you totally unsolicited comments, so here they are…

    Get over J-O right now. It’s a new year, good time to start. Forget about all the “just be friends” arguments for a moment. This relationship is shit for you and it will always be shit for you no matter what happens. She’s fickle and takes advantage of you to amazingly selfish degrees. Your feelings for her cannot survive how negative she is, that’s why it’s tearing you up so much.

    To put it simply, you don’t actually like her that much.

    You’re infatuated for some internal reason. You won’t be happy until you let that go and build your self-respect. Any time you say “I know, but…” you are lying to yourself. Here’s a basic rule about relationships – if a girl flakes on you three times, then she’s not giving you the respect you want for yourself. That’s when you cut her off and start looking for someone who knows how to respect other people.

    You can still be friends with her if you like. Just choose for yourself that’s what it is. If she wants something from you (help on papers, etc.) then you only give it as you would to a friend. You don’t need to reply to texts immediately.

    So go on. Bring your control back to yourself. It’s internally what you need, for some reason you will find you are projecting it onto her (and in a subconscious way you both know that).

    Have a happy new year. 2012 is going to be a fun year of experiencing other relationships and having a bunch of fun in them. Relationships are supposed to be fun. Remember that.

    Comments unsolicited, assuming, but meant in the best way. Good luck.

    • bmweed
      02/01/2012 at 8:11 pm

      Everything about this comment I love and totally agree with.

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