Home > Friends, Girls, Life, Parties, Personal, Relationships, Thoughts > A Little J-O Update [Updated 22:52]

A Little J-O Update [Updated 22:52]

Today I spent most of the day out with my family, so I didn’t see the comment posted on my last post suggesting I cut all contact with J-O. By the morning I wasn’t angry at her. I was disappointed in a way but really pretty much just resigned to the fact she did this to me once more. After so many of these incidents I’m not too bothered by them. She called me at 5:20pm to ask me some advice on her essay. I was in the car with my family at the time but I decided to talk to her. My dad joked that I was now her private tutor.

A few minutes after I called her, I got a text message from her saying “Are you going to be in Southampton on the 20th of January, because I will come during the day?”. I replied “yeah I will be here. Will we not be able to meet until then?”. She replied “we must be, just asking. hugs”, which I understood to be an autocorrect mistake, as in it should have said, “we might be, just asking. hugs”. I replied “Ok I hope we see each other before then but it would be nice to show you Southampton anyway. Talk soon, hugs.” She replied “Okay I also want to see, what’s worrying me is my uni work, Hugs will call you later”.

She did indeed call me later, when I was back home. It was about helping her with her essay again. At one point I said “it would be easier for you to help me if I was there”, at which point she went silent. After what seemed like minutes but what must have been only 10 seconds, she said that she doesn’t want to disappoint me but feels that she wouldn’t do any work if I was there. She said she was worried that if I stayed I would ‘expect something to happen which wouldn’t happen’ i.e. sex, and I reminded her that I’d already offered to sleep in the other bed even. When she asked me if I meant this, I said, “not exactly. What I mean is, I am not expecting anything to happen other than what we did when we slept together before, just hug and kiss. I know we wouldn’t do anything else, because you explained it before.” She asked me what I thought we ‘were’, and I said that I know we can’t be ‘together’, but we are “more than friends”. She asked me what I meant, and I simply said “well, I don’t think friends sleep together, hugging and kissing.” She again said that she didn’t think she could work when I was here. She said she would call me again later and I said: “ok, how about this. If you decide you want to meet up and spent a few days together you can say so, but I won’t mention it again. It’ll be up to you.” She said ok, we said goodbye and hung up.

The reason I said that is because I know she won’t want me to come, and I’d rather not go through the whole charade again. So now it’s 10pm and I’m watching Independence Day on E4, trying not to think of the impending call. I know I should just forget about it, about her, but I can’t. I’m really very sorry, all my readers who think I should give up, but I’m not ready. I don’t know if I will be for a long time. I know how stupid it is. I suppose it’s like smoking, really. I think ‘how can smokers smoke, knowing how bad it is for their health. They must know the risks. Yet they keep going’.  And so like the smoker I will keep doing this thing is bad for me. One day I may summon the willpower to give up; but I won’t think it’ll be soon.

UPDATE, 22:52: Just got another call from J-O, she only asked me about her work, nothing else. I’ll probably go to bed soon. I’ll have to call into work tomorrow to tell them that I will be working Friday after all. On the positive side, my friend is hosting a small gathering at her parent’s house for new year, which should be awesome.

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  1. bmweed
    29/12/2011 at 2:28 am

    Your dad has a point.

    Hope you have a good New Years at your mates, and get a few New Year smoochies. You deserve it!

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