Loneliness

I think my last year at uni will be defined, much like most of my first year, by loneliness. I’ve probably lost J-O, and if I haven’t, then I think I have had enough of her anyway. I won’t be making any friends this year, probably. I signed up for the politics and debating society, but now I’m not sure if I will even go. My existing female friends, I think I’ve also had enough of, as they only serve to remind me of my loneliness and my behavior towards them when I’m drunk, of getting quite friendly but only insofar as hugging, is annoying them and embarrassing me. I don’t know what to do about my male friends, maybe I’ll keep them, but I suspect they will become less relevant anyway, as mostly guys aren’t bothered about keeping in contact.

That’s my current thoughts on the subject of loneliness anyway. If I follow through these ideas is another matter entirely. Since it’s mostly a product of my current mood, it may fade as I recover from what has been going on these last few months; two funerals and my ongoing J-O problems (which aren’t ongoing any more, by the looks of things). Who knows. All I know is, I’m in a bad place right now and it doesn’t seem like there’s going to be anything that could lift my spirits.

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