This whole J-O situation is really stressing me out, properly. I swear that worrying about it last night managed to cause a headache. The goings-on of the last few weeks have been emotionally exhausting, and has left me feeling tired and completely drained. I’ve been having trouble getting to sleep, and when I try and read a book to take my mind off it, I just begin thinking about her again as soon as I’ve put it down.

Seriously. The problem is not just that she completely refused to talk to me on Monday and Tuesday. It’s that even when she has talked to me on Skype over the past few weeks, it’s pretty much been:

Me “Hi, how are you?”
Her: “Fine, you?”
Me: “Fine thanks”
Her: “brb”
[a few hours later]
Her: “back. I am going to sleep now. Good night”
Me: “Goodnight, sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite”

I mean, what. the. actual. fuck? I know she said that when I didn’t call her for a few days when she arrived was like I didn’t care about her, but how does she think I feel when she doesn’t really talk to me for three weeks! Does she even care about me at all? It doesn’t seem like it! I swear we used to talk more on Skype in one day when she was in Bulgaria than we have in the past three weeks since we finally met up. I wouldn’t mind so much, if she actually explained why the hell she’s doing this. But to carry on, expect me to go along with it, as if it was normal and fine, just leaves me in such a state of confusion I think I might explode.

I’m so glad I’m away for the week from Saturday, I really need to get away from her for a while. I think I’ll tell her tonight that I’ll only call her 2 or 3 times, and say to her it’s probably for the best. She’ll probably agree since she seems to hate talking to me at the moment.

I swear relationships are not this difficult for everybody else. I’m going to have to have a serious talk with her next time we meet face-to-face. Whenever that is. What makes it all the more confusing is how happy she seemed when we met. If you’d have read my post about it it’s quite clear she was enjoying my company. Also, when we went on webcam yesterday, she seemed really pleased to see me (although she might have been watching something on YouTube at the same time so it might have been that she was smiling at).


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