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Archive for April, 2011

Weight Issues Part I

J-O has been going to the gym a lot recently, and it’s making me feel awful, frankly, in three ways.

One, it’s making me feel like I am fat – I checked my BMI on some govt website the other day and I am only just in the ‘healthy’ BMI range. Every time she says ‘I went to the fitness today’ I imagine her sweating buckets doing lots of exercise and then I just keep imagining how I must look, perpetually slobbed out in my room, only getting up to go to uni, work or to eat.

Secondly, it’s also given a rateable point of reference – when she told me how much she weighed, it was almost half what I weigh (7 stone and 4 pounds to my 12 stone and 8 pounds (approx.), i.e 46kg to 81kg)! That was really depressing.

Lastly, it has made me feel like I don’t deserve her. She’s so beautiful, slim, fit and sexy, and she’s sweet, kind and caring. I’m not very attractive, kind of fat, not sexy and kind of weak and unfit. It honestly worries me – I can’t hold a candle to her, I worry that any decent-looking guy coming along would be enough to make her ‘jump ship’. It sounds stupid, probably, but I really can’t see why she would like me at all. It’s probably silly but I am really that insecure and unconfident.

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Waiting Together

You always make me smile
Every little thing

When you laugh
When you talk
When you yawn

I even just like to
Hear you breathing

Even though you are
A thousand miles away
Our talks make me feel
Like you are right here

It could only be better
If you were here
It will happen soon
I know it

I am here, waiting
To hold you in my arms

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