Clearing the Air

The other day I talked to J-O and we had a nice chat that cleared the air. I wasn’t planning to talk to her that day, but she sent me a message on Facebook saying “I am sorry for all the things i made you to go through… maybe you are the only one….” so I decided to talk to her when she came online.

So when she came on I asked her what she meant. She said that she “kinda started to think about the way you might feel”, that she ‘doesn’t want me to feel bad in any way’ and I asked how I felt about what had happened between us. I said that it came as kind of a shock to me, how we were so affectionate before, then all of a sudden when we took the break that completely stopped. She reiterated that she did not feel happy with us being apart, it make her lonely. I said again that I perfectly understood how she felt, that it was fine, but that since we are in different situations, I have reacted differently. She said she felt guilty for making me feel lonely, but I said it was fine, that I understood, that I didn’t want her to feel lonely at all, which is why it was fine.

Then she mentioned about how she didn’t want me to think she wasn’t being honest. That got me thinking about the incident the other day, for which I was planning to not talk to her for a few days over. I asked if she deliberately remove those posts from Facebook that I commented on. She admitted she did do it intentionally, because her friends kept asking her about ‘us’, commenting on things I wrote (not on the posts themselves obviously). She said sorry, that it was foolish, she knows, that she “must not care about what people say”. I said that I did not mind it in itself; it was the deceit I did not like. She said I was right, that in future she will talk to me about it. She said that she realised that if I had done the same, she would “not have felt good” about it.

Then she said something that was sweet, that made me completely forgive her. I asked her what she meant by “maybe you are the only one” in the message. She said she meant I am “the only one who is really honest and says what he really thinks and feels”. I am glad that my honesty is appreciated, especially from her, especially since I try so hard to be honest. My mantra is, as Kant would say, “do as you would be done by”. I think if more followed that rule (as J-O admitted she should have) then the world would be a much better place.

Actually, I think even more sweet was the fact the last thing she said to me in that conversation (aside from saying goodbye): “I wonder what if we knew each other in real… what would happen, between us”. I replied: “I hope, lots of nice things”. She said “yeah”. It’s nice to know that she still thinks about us finally being together.

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  1. 19/02/2011 at 11:26 pm

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