Another Good Night

Me and J-O had another nice night watching a movie together (Megamind). Not as good as the last one but it lifted my spirits at least – for the time anyway. But once she’d gone to bed, I realised I’m still sat here alone, she’s still hundreds of miles away. It’s times like these when I wonder if it was all worth it. Before her, I was lonely, sure. But not this lonely. I didn’t have the hope that somebody would come along and be with me; in many ways that was comforting. To know I’d always be alone, to not get my hopes up that I would find somebody. I could get on with my life.

But then I think, although I may feel lonelier than ever sometimes, at least I have times – sometimes quite sustained – where I’m very happy. I think that in many ways I’d rather be really sad sometimes and really happy sometimes, then sad most of the time and kind of happy only very occasionally. I don’t know really. I can only hope that we can be together one day soon, that all this deep loneliness will have been worth it. That I can finally be happy.

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  1. puregreenjade
    14/02/2011 at 11:01 am

    Your happiness shouldn’t have to be dependent on the existence of a romantic partner. That said, Happy Valentine’s Day… hope you can enjoy it with your loved ones around you 🙂

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