Archive for November, 2010

Loving Duty

When sadness effects the one most dear
Something you do not want to hear
To raise their spirits is your solemn duty

But if you fail to do so
If they are still in fits of woe
To that place your feelings go also

Such influence cannot compare
When your love effects you there
When it saddens your heart

For you know you’ve failed your duty
When the heart of your fair beauty
Is sad, and can not be changed

By any words
By any deeds
Of you


‘Instant’ Messenger

Here they come
Signed in to Messenger, to chat
I’ve learnt my lesson
I won’t do that

I’ve tried to talk
To them by ‘instant’ messenger
They take ages
Or go offline

What is the point
I ask
Of signing in?
It’s a pointless task

If you don’t talk
Why should I care?
It just creates hatred, and
Friendship problems there

It could make me angry
Make me feel alone
Question our friendship
So instead here I moan

(OK so it’s awful. So sue me :P)

A Bad Night

I cried last night after I finished talking with J-O. It was because she said something that reminded me of when she’s likely to come over, and made me think about how far away that seems. I really want her to be here right now, to hug her close to me and know for sure that I’m not alone. But I can’t. I felt very alone that night, and cried because of it. I have nobody to comfort me, nobody around to make hug me and make me feel like somebody is here for me. I need somebody to hug close to me for a while. But I am truly alone.

A Strange Dream

Last night I had a really weird dream. My family have a rabbit, you see. Last night I dreamt that I was at home during one of the days I don’t have to go into uni, and while our rabbit was out in the garden. When I was looking out the window onto the garden, three hares (I think) came into the garden and started attacking our rabbit (I’m not sure if a hare would attack a rabbit). They circled it, biting it every so often. I ran out to scare them off, and then (here comes the strange bit) somebody leapt over our back fence and started to run towards them, scaring them off.

Really weird.

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A Perfect Night

Last night was a great night. A perfect night, in fact. Me and J-O spent about 4 1/2 hours talking on Skype (that is, audio chat). Yet it passed so quickly. We talked about many things, but it was the last 1 1/2 hours or so that were the best. We talked about all the things we wanted to do together, the places we wanted to go together. We talked about the places we wanted to make love to each other. We talked about holding hands when we are together.

She asked me if I would always hug her, always kiss her, and I said I would. We said how much we liked each other. We also did video chat for a while, where we admired each other and said how nice we looked to each other. It was like a dream. She kept saying she should go to bed, but we couldn’t stop talking to each other.

Finally, at 3am her time, she said she would finally go to bed, and I said I would to go bed at the same time, so it would be like we were sleeping together, in a way. We said how much we wanted to be together. Then she asked me if I could read her a few pages of LOTR: The Fellowship of the Ring, to help her sleep. She got into bed but kept her headphones on so she could hear and talk to me. I read three pages, during which she kept blowing me kisses, which was great. Then we said goodnight, and went to sleep.

Well, she did anyway. I couldn’t, try as I might. I just couldn’t help thinking what a perfect night it was, of all the things we had said to each other, of how strong our feelings were for each other. It was magical. I tried to read more of the book to take my mind off it, but it didn’t help. I still thought about her.

I did eventually get to sleep, but it must have been at least an hour after we’d finished talking, probably more. I feel so lucky to have her. It’s great, the strength of our feelings, even though we have never met in the flesh. It will be even better once we have, I reckon. I want to be the best boyfriend I can be. She deserves it, because she’s the best girlfriend a guy could ever want.

I Hit Back This Time

Several times J-O has asked me about if I liked a few of my female friends (such as E and M) and has pointed out a picture on Facebook where I jokingly took a picture of M’s cleavage as part of a long-running joke in my friends group. Several times I’ve told her I don’t like them, and that this picture was simply a joke. But she kept bringing it up every so often. When she brought it up today, I decided to fight back.

I pointed out a picture on Facebook she had taken with her friends, of one of them naked on the toilet, with just his hands covering his… you know. I said that despite this, I realised it was a joke, I trusted her. I said that to her. She said it was different, but when I asked how, she said it was ‘a picture of his personality’, which I did not understand at all. I said: ‘his personality is about sitting naked on the toilet?’ She said she didn’t look at his… you know… whereas I did. I told her that it was a long-running joke, that I did not start, that I was just continuing it in fun. She accepted this, but still didn’t seem happy.

It’s just annoying, that she makes me feel bad for her thinking, unjustifiably, that I liked other girls. I was annoyed that I had to feel bad, guilty, for her thinking this, when it’s not my fault she thinks this way. It’s annoying that I trust her and she doesn’t trust me. Yes, I know, the distance means she has reason to be cautious. But I have never shown myself to be anything other that trustworthy and faithful, so that’s why I’m annoyed.

I just hope that once we meet and she realises how genuine I am, she will trust me.

Home, Alone

What do uni people know
Of loneliness
They have halls
Or houses

What do uni people know
Of loneliness
They have nightclubs
To get off with each other

Here sits the home student
He knows loneliness
He has nothing
He regrets everything

He wants his friends
He wants a girl
He has no hope
He’s home, alone

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