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Archive for May, 2010

Pissed Off

I’m pissed off. Really pissed off. I feel like hitting something. But I don’t know why. Well, that’s not exactly true. I suspect why I feel this way, but I’m not sure because it seems to be something a bit silly to get pissed off about. Perhaps, though, it’s only one reason, of many, why I’m pissed off. But probably the main reason.

You see, yesterday J-O had her prom, so I didn’t talk to her last night. She texted me in the morning (strangely), saying she was going to bed and that later she would talk to me and tell me stuff about the prom. Then when I logged on to Facebook a little earlier I found she had posted a message on my Wall saying she was going to bed early and that she’s going on a trip ‘with her classmates’ for a few days, out of the blue, and that she’d text me.

I dunno, I don’t like the fact I’m not going to speak to her for a few days, after she said she’d talk to me about the prom tonight, and that this trip has suddenly appeared out of nowhere. I’m being unreasonable, aren’t I? I cannot expect her to ‘drop everything’, not have a life just because I’m such a needy ‘girls blouse’. This could turn into a bit of a problem.

I can also foresee another problem, that has just actually, right now, hit me. I’m back to my old depressed self. That didn’t take long. I hate how I’m so dependant on her already and how I might impede her in the future, if we do eventually get together if she finally makes it over. F**k sake.

How It Is Going

I’ve just realised that I haven’t updated my blog recently about how it’s going with J-O. Mostly it’s because we’re getting on so well that to constantly update the blog on all the great things that we’ve been saying to each other would become tedious and boring. Not to mention that I’m thinking about keeping such things mostly completely private from now on.

We are very close these days. For example, the other day when we were discussing her lack of response from Solent uni, we both got quite upset and cried a little. There has also been a fair bit of sexual tension in our conversation these days, and yesterday she admitted, as did I similarly afterwards, that she sometimes gets “excited” when talking to me. We also both keep talking about how we can’t wait to be “close” to each other. She is so sweet and so pretty. Not to mention pretty sexy too, as I fully realised when looking at some recent photos she posted on Facebook. We’re even developed nice little things we say to each other.

So yeah, all in all, it’s going, well, perfect. I really hopes she gets in to Solent. I cannot wait to see her.

Waiting For Her

I found a girl
From a distant shore
That wants to be with me

We hope to be together
Our love turned into lore
I struggle to believe it

I can only be assured
When she is outside my door
When I can hold her in my arms

So that in the future
When I look at the days of yore
I know I was destined to be happy

Weight

I need to lost weight. My pop-culture t-shirts are starting to get tight; I couldn’t bear not being able to wear them and having to buy new, bigger ones. But I can’t go to the gym or anything like that, that would be openly admitting I have a problem to everyone else, something I don’t want to do – ever, for anything as personal as this. So I think I’m just going to try and cut down on my food intake at the moment, then when summer comes I will do some exercise, probably bike-riding, under the cover of ‘alleviating boredom’. The perfect crime. Hopefully that will see a marked (but very, very slow) reduction in my weight. I hope. Or, such insignificant measure make no difference whatsoever. Oh well. At least I’d have tried.

Looking Forward To Summer

Well, my first exam starts tomorrow and my last exam is on 4th June. It sounds like a long time, but it’s only 3 exams, 1 each week, so it’s pretty good. But I am – as you can probably tell from the title – more looking forward to the summer. 3 months and 2 weeks I have off. 3 months and 2 weeks!!! Either it is going to be great, or it is going to be very boring. I’m going to try my hardest to make it exciting.

I’ll try and make sure me and my friends are doing something cool at least once a week, be it having a party or doing something a little more restrained but still fun. What I’d really like to do is see a lot more of A, E, J and M, since they all live pretty close – within bike-riding distance – to me. The only trouble is that I don’t want to impose on them. I’ll have to talk to them and see what I can come up with. Wish me luck!

Categories: Friends, Life, Personal, Thoughts Tags: , , , , ,

If It Ends Badly, It’s Going To End Really Badly

I really, really like J-O.  I’d go as far as saying that I think I’m in love with her. Not that I know what real love actually is. Which is why this is going to end very, very badly if she doesn’t get in to Solent. I don’t think I’ve ever felt quite this strongly about anybody before. So if she doesn’t make it over here from Bulgaria, I’m not sure how I’m going to deal with it.

This all sounds a bit silly, doesn’t it? I’ve never actually met the girl, I’ve only talked to her on Skype, yet I say “I think I’m in love with her”. Isn’t that stupid? Isn’t that naive? Isn’t that… ridiculous? I suppose that’s just me really – I get swept up in ’emotion’ (okay now that sounds effeminate) and get a tad obsessed. Perhaps ‘obsessed’ is a more apt word than ‘love’ – although is there much of a difference between those two?

Anyway, so yeah. I don’t know how I’ll cope if she doesn’t come over. I suppose I’ll manage. I just hope it doesn’t come to that.

Moving To The Physical Side

I’m ashamed to say that I’ve began thinking about the ‘physical side’. It started fairly soon after I first asked her out. I suppose that in some ways it is a natural progression. But that doesn’t make it right. It just looks like I’m a person who only cares about sex and stuff like that – girls bodies, not their personality. But I do really like her personality, I like the way she is, we have a fair amount in common. But I still find myself thinking – at night, when I’m trying to get to sleep – about what it would be like to kiss her, to hold her in my arms, to… well, you know… yeah. That. I’m ashamed to admit it – and rightly so – and I’d stop myself if I could. But I can’t. And it’s also a bit premature as she’s not even over here yet, and won’t be for a while. It doesn’t help that I like her so much either. But that topic is for another day.

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