Archive for January, 2010

My Worst Fear

My worst fear, I can safely say
Does not bother most today
In the age of the social network

But it is one with a colourful past
In the poets of the world, whose work will outlast
Many things produced today

It is the fear of being alone
To pass through the world, unknown
To anyone else

I can see it in my mind’s eye
My bed unattended when I die
The image chills my thoughts

Perhaps I should give in to it
Make my peace, meekly submit
So it may haunt me no longer

I wish it could be done, to eliminate the pain
But no matter how much I try, it is in vain
For it can only be vanquished
By finding that special someone



Animals are a lot easier to get along with than humans – their needs are simple and if you meet those needs they will like you for it.

For example, we have a rabbit (well, it’s my brother’s). Most of the time he will spend eating grass, when it isn’t in the hutch sleeping, or in the run. If you want to stroke him, he’ll let you – if he isn’t particularly interested, it’ll continue doing whatever it’s doing. But sometimes he’ll lay down and really enjoy it. It’s great when that happens because it means you can lay down next to him and give him a nice long stroke (ok, yes, unfortunately this bit is getting to sound a bit iffy).

It’s a very calming experience – when that happens I forget all my problems, and in a way also makes me think that I do not need a girlfriend or anything, that an animal is all the company I need to feel loved.

I’ve always wanted a cat. Perhaps I’ll get a cat when I’m older, that I can take care of and make me feel loved. Then I won’t ever have to worry about girls ever again.


Who am I?
Who do I think I am?
Who do others think I am?

What is my main goal in life?
What do my friends see in me?
What is the reason for the way I think?

When did I become what I am?
When was my mind so damaged?
When will I get back on the right path?

Why do I act like I do?
Why am I scared of others?
Why do I question myself so?

Who can save me?
Who would want to save me?
Who would love me like I wish to be loved?

How can I make someone love me?
How can I make someone notice me?
How can I love them just as well in return?

How can I get some answers??

Protective Paternalism

She said she must be ugly
She said she can’t be pretty
Because of that rejection
But I think, on closer inspection
Of her personality, that, even if true
Is not really the point

I said she is not ugly
I said she is pretty
But I said also that she is nice
Which is what counts, was my advice
For if a man likes your body only
Then I am sorry, it will not last

I said that it is his loss
I said that he was not right for her
I hate to see a girl rejected
I said these things to keep her protected
For the feelings of a kind soul need it
Or else the kindness is lost forever

I Still Think About Her

Hey, it’s yet another post about that girl I used to like. Boring, I know. Anyway, I still think about her. It’s so stupid. As I said before, it’s really just because she is really fit that I liked her. Every time I see her or think about her, I always think how great it would be to her as my girlfriend, someone that so incredibly sexy. But I know there was never a chance of that – I knew that from the beginning. (All this is against my ‘principles’, I know).

I still kind of hate her. Well, I don’t really. I hate myself for thinking I had a chance. I hate myself for thinking of her only in terms of her body. I hate how, even now, I cannot get over the fact she rejected me. What is wrong with me, seriously? Is is because she is the last person that I fancied, that I need someone new to enter my sights to get rid of this cloud that hangs over me.


Music Makes Me Happy

If I’m feeling down, or if I’m just bored, I find that music can easily bring a smile to my face.

Not just any old thing though. Something fun. Something like Eminem’s more fun songs, like Just Lose It. Even better, practically anything by “Weird Al”, with something like ‘Fat’ being a fun song to listen to when bored/down in the dumps.

However, none of those can beat the sheer comedic power and typical-guy-humor of Tenacious D. Listen to anything by them, but especially Wonderboy and Tribute, and all my troubles seem to melt away. Fantastic stuff.

Too Much Focus On Girl-Friends

Last night (night is a time when I do a lot of my musings that end up on here) I just realised something. For ages now, I’ve been focussing most of my attention on my female friends. They are mostly the people I invite over these days, I haven’t had a male friend come round for a while now. It’s the same with MSN conversations, they are almost exclusively with girls these days. I suppose it must be a sort of slight release valve for sexual frustration that I feel.

Well, this trend stops now. I shall not use my female friends in this way. From now on, I will make an effort to see more of my male friends. It’s quite a good time to realise this, since I also recently realised that I’m drifting apart from some of my male friends, which I don’t want to do.

This is very good realisation.

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