Home > Friends, Friendship, Life, Personal, Self-reflection, Thoughts > Pessimism and Idealism

Pessimism and Idealism

If you read my blog you’d think I’m a pessimist. I am. But at the same time I’m also an idealist. I suppose that’s not to difficult to imagine, really. I mean, pessimism doesn’t necessarily imply realism, right? Ok, perhaps it does, but I don’t think it always follows.

Take my attitude towards my friends, for example. My feelings towards them is of love and affection, of perfect friendships that work very well and are a lot of fun. However, my model of friendship is outdated and therefore makes our friendships seem not so perfect.

To me, friends regularly invite each other round to have fun, yet it’s been many years since any of my friends did that, even before uni. I fairly regularly invite people round but since their invites had dried up, I stopped too. But I miss it – I miss it a lot and it makes me wonder if my friendships are as strong at they seem in the model in my head.

It’s like with my ‘best friends’, A, J and E. I say they are my best friends, but really, we’re not. A and me have only fairly recently hade up, as you may know, so we don’t really know each other any more, and J has his girlfriend now, and even before that we weren’t really best friends. The only person who’s really stayed my actual best friend is E, as much as it pains me to say it.

I know, partly it’s my fault for not trying once they’d seemed to have given up, or for falling out with A in the first place over a silly misunderstanding, but more importantly, perhaps, for having an idea of friendship that is clearly above what is expected of people our age now. I suppose my vision of friendship is still very much based on the one children have, and that is not what people do at our age, around 18 and over.

It’s not their fault that they aren’t interested in my version of friendship – it’s a long-outdated model. It’s my fault for expecting so much of them. I really have to learn not to expect anything from anyone just because I’ve known them a long time. I have to earn their interest and their friendship, all the time. Otherwise, I’ll only be disappointed.

Wow, that kinda want a bit off topic from what I started talking about…

  1. youngdecember
    30/12/2009 at 12:51 am

    But still, friendship is a balance between being alone and being with that person. Sounds strange, but isn’t a real friendship suppose to be that no matter how much pain and trouble you go through, you still always find your way back? Giving, taking and find joy somewhere in between…

    • 30/12/2009 at 10:41 am

      I suppose you’re right, but it’s still difficult when you think the way I do.

      • youngdecember
        30/12/2009 at 12:01 pm

        I’m sure it is. Well, if you’re not satisfied, why don’t you do something about it? (:

        • 30/12/2009 at 1:22 pm

          Well, I feel that I can’t really say anything because I’m afraid of losing them. Besides, when everyone is only back at uni for a short time, it’s understandable that they don’t have much time to see people. It’ll be better in the summer when we have months off. Although there are still some people around, I don’t like asking them over because then I feel like I’m bothering them, because they are the only few people left so I keep asking if they’d like to come over pretty often.
          It’s just the situation really, it’s not anybody’s fault.

          • youngdecember
            30/12/2009 at 3:33 pm

            Thought about meeting new people? And you’ll never know until you’ve tried (;

          • 30/12/2009 at 10:55 pm

            Well I’m doing that at uni but it’s kinda hard because I’m at home still and the uni is in a nearby city, making it hard to make good new friends. But I am having some success.

  2. puregreenjade
    30/12/2009 at 10:08 am

    “I suppose my vision of friendship is still very much based on the one children have”

    It’s hard to swallow when it hits you that things won’t ever be the same again. Breaks the heart, really…

  3. 30/12/2009 at 11:03 pm

    I feel like friendships change as we get older. I too used to have three ‘best friends’, A&K&E. E goes to school far away so we hardly see eachother, although we did get together somewhat recently to catch up. I’m the only one she even talks to from highschool still apparently, but our friendship has always been one where we sort of pick up where we left off. K and I are the same way. We didn’t hang out for nearly a year after highschool ended, and then suddenly we were moving in together, and then I was moving out, so we’ve hit a rough patch. I hardly see her now that she’s got a new roommate and is working long hours – I try but it’s just not the same. A and I dated, she’s the one I’m having issues with now anyways but again, friendship = pretty much gone.

    I guess what I’m saying is that you aren’t alone in feeling like friendships are disconnected. Trust me when I say though, you will meet new friends whose friendships will be different (not better or worse, but different) than highschool friendships. You don’t have to leave the old ones behind but I guess you have to put them in perspective in where they fit in your life now.

    This is the pot calling the kettle black so if you think I’m rambling, I probably am.

    • 30/12/2009 at 11:17 pm

      Yeah, I know, but I don’t want to lose them, I’m not really losing them, we’re just – drifting apart, I suppose. I suppose it’s just a natural part of life, friends come and go. Some though, some I hope, and I don’t think, I’ll ever lose, because without them I am lost.

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