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The Word ‘Virginity’

I always hesitate to use the word ‘virginity’ in my posts, it’s kinda strange, but I think I know why.

For most of time, ‘virginity’ has been associated with women – it was considered (and to some extent still is considered) as virtue to be a virgin. In contrast, to be a man and be a ‘virgin’ is to be a complete failure at being a man. This still holds true today, with men still considered to be a good man by sleeping with as many women as possible.

Therefore, for me to say ‘virgin’ is an immediate attack on my masculinity, and therefore makes me pause any time I think about writing that word.

It’s certainly a thought-provoking subject…

(That was a terrible way to end this post. It almost seemed to have no point at all, with an ending like that.)

  1. 30/11/2009 at 9:56 pm

    reading your blog, you remind me of me a few years ago. i felt completely alone (and i was). i desperately wanted someone else. i wanted to love and be loved and it hurt me so horribly to feel that that was impossible. and, yes, i wanted to be with someone else in various states of undress – i felt strangely ashamed because i’d never had such an experience.

    so…now that i have been given this mystical gift of time travel, i’d like to give myself some advice. your unfortunate celibacy is not so unfortunate. everyone ultimately sleeps with someone else, it’s almost unavoidable. it’s also virtually painless when it happens but it’s not likely to be earth-shattering. in fact, my first time was totally unmemorable. not exceptional, not terrible. just quite bland. (don’t believe the hollywood notion that everyone remembers it clearly).

    as for loneliness. perhaps you really are meant to be a couple but, after i got through the terrible loneliness of my teenage years and inexplicably began attracting people, i found so much value in solitude. i still have moments when i’m gripped by the panic of loneliness and feel the urgent need to be with someone. but, as i have never met anyone who i feel supremely connected to, i have begun to find a lot more value in the life i can live without a lover.

    i hope i don’t sound condescending when i say any of this. i think the pain you’re experiencing is 100% real and legitimate. and i absolutely, positively do not want to tell you anything as dishonest as ‘it gets better as you get older’. i don’t even want to tell you that a genuine love is something that you shouldn’t desire. what i do want to say is that things can get a lot better right now if you question the supreme value of a life lived as a couple.

    • 01/12/2009 at 2:59 pm

      Yeah, I understand where you’re coming from – I realise that love is hard to come by and having a partner isn’t everything – and I hope I’ll be able to fully realise that later, what I’m more mature.

  2. 01/12/2009 at 11:56 am

    I agree, I think that the emasculation of men when it comes to virginity is awful.

    • 01/12/2009 at 3:02 pm

      That’s not exactly what I was saying. What I was saying was that I feel this way, but that doesn’t necessearily mean that it is right. I suppose I didn’t really tackle if it was right or not in the post, perhaps that should have been it’s ‘point’. In my view I think that these stereotypes should be eroded because they are not beneficial things.

      • 01/12/2009 at 7:24 pm

        I suppose I ought to clarify. My comment should have been two sentences. On the one hand, I was agreeing that it’s there, I too can see it. My second statement was my opinion that it’s not right to look at virginity as a gendered concept.

        • 01/12/2009 at 7:54 pm

          Oh right sorry, the way you worded your first comment kinda confused me.

          • 01/12/2009 at 9:34 pm

            Haha my bad, no need to be sorry. If anything, I think that your ideas are refreshing which I throughly enjoy.

          • 01/12/2009 at 9:40 pm

            Thanks 🙂

  3. 01/12/2009 at 11:29 pm

    whenever I say that I’m a virgin, people say “nice!” and “good. hold on to it.”
    it wasn’t until I read your post that I realozed that when guys say they are virgins that I think (and sometimes say) “what?” and then think their weird or there is something wrong with them.
    I think guys shouldn’t be stigmatized for being virgins and girls shouldn’t either for NOT being virgins.
    then again, the world is full of double standards…

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