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Archive for July, 2009

She’s Fit But My God She Doesn’t Know It

Yes, unfortunatly it’s another post about that girl I like. If anyone reads this blog regularly they probably think I’m a bit obsessed with her, but when you like someone, can’t you help but become obsessed? Well, I can’t help it anyway.

One of the strange things about her that she is fit, unbelievably so. Yet she doesn’t think so (yes the title of this post comes from a The Streets song), always criticising her appearance, saying things like “my stomach sticks out” e.t.c, yet I know that your stomach is is supposed to stick out, that’s how it’s shaped, and if it’s not then you have some serious health issues. Indeed, she says she had aneorexia at one point, although she says she’s over it now. However, looking at some of the stuff she says about herself, you wouldn’t think so. I’ve had to stop mentioning how her criticism of herslef annoys me, in order to stop her being pissed off with me and me having no chance of asking her out.

This is going to sound really gay, but this is something that I would like to try and change if I do go out with her – I want to try and persuade her that she is unbelievably hot and beautiful. It sounds like a bit of a cliche but I want to try and make her she herself for what she is – a beautiful, attractive, lovely young woman.

Unfortunatly I don’t have much chance of her saying yes when I ask her out, and probably even less of a chance of changing her mind about her body even if she does say yes. I can only try, I suppose.

No, The World Doesn’t Revolve Around You

Don’t you hate it on Facebook if you type a cryptic status update to hint at something to a particular person or people, and the wrong person picks up on it and goes “are you talking about me? screw you!” Some people seem to think the world revolves around them, when it doesn’t. Just don’t take it out on me. Especially if the response is something like “if that is directed at me, i have more important things than facebooking u”, which is so harsh I couldn’t believe it.

‘Huggy’ Drunk

There are widly considered to be six types of drunk – angry, horny, crying, nurturing, fake and huggy. I come under the ‘huggy drunk’ category. I didn’t even realised this was a category of drunk until I was told I am a ‘hugging drunk’. TheCollegeMan.com defines the huggy drunk as:

“Not to be confused with the Horny Drunk, Hugging Drunk’s are very content and loving drunkards. Hugging Drunks, obviously, spend the majority of their time hugging passer-bys. Anyone in an arms length of the Hugging Drunk is fair game. Also, every action at a party usually calls for a hug to the Hugging Drunk. Like, you just won beer pong! Let’s hug it out! Your girlfriend just fucked another guy! Put your arms around me, big guy! You have Chlamydia! Time for a hug, man.”

I think I know why I’m the ‘hugging drunk’. It’s because I feel that nobody likes me, and so I hug people to feel like people do like me. Secondly though, since I tend to hug girls and not guys (excpet once but that was my best friend so kinda in some strange way understandable).

I think it’s also to do with my lack of physical contact with girls – I hug them to alieviate this need, but am not the horny drunk because I lack the confidence and it goes against my principles, even when I’m drunk. Therefore I settle with hugging, which is not seen as being sexual yet does give me the feeling that I’m physically close to a girl. That is also a good way of being seen as well, since where horny drunks are obvious and often rejected, the huggy drunk is seen as innocent and friendly, and so is welcomed.

I think about these things far too much.

Friends

I love my friends, and I can’t understand why they don’t value friends as much as I do. Well, that’s not true at all – I know why, I just choose to ignore it. Friends are all I have, in my mind. I’m not happy with the rest of my life. They, clearly, are happy with their lives, their situations – they don’t need friends as much as I do. When you think have only have one thing, you hold on to it with all your strength. What you don’t realise is, all that strength can be taken the wrong way by others who see the world differently. This strength could cause them to leave – then I will be left with nothing. This is what I fear. I cannot let them out of my sight for long, but keeping them in my sight will push them away – but how can you balance something in this way, when your feelings only lean towards one side, and not the other? This is what I constantly fight against, but constantly lose.

One day, there will be nobody left. Just me, sitting alone, with only my thoughts, not to comfort me, but to torment me. Until the day I leave this world.

A Forest Walk

I slowly walk down the lonley path
Admiring the beauty of nature around me
The squirrels playing amongst the trees
Green leaves rustling in the wind

Do these things realise their beauty?
Do they look upon me in contempt?
These thoughts drift through my mind
Like leaves carried by wind


I slowly walk down the lonley path
Admiring the beauty of nature around me
I walk past a man absorbed in his thoughts
He sees himself, perhaps, as a poet

I look upon him in contempt
He thinks his thoughts are high and mighty
All I see is a man, alone only with his thoughts
Yearning for happiness that occurs only in the company of others

My Friends

I don’t understand my friends

I am so enthusiastic about our friendships
They appear complacent and bored
I make every effort to see them
They could not care less

Perhaps I am the one at fault?
Do I love my friends too much?
Do I put too much pressure on our friendships?
Are they bored, exhausted by my exuberance?

Perhaps being a good friend, is not what is good in a friend.

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