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Archive for May, 2009

Rant – Life

Life is rubbish, what’s the point? Worrying over exams? Worrying over driving tests? Worrying over girls? Worrying over future job prospects / the awful debt Brown’s got the economy into? Worrying about other people having a much better life than you? Because that’s how it seems to me! Everyone else has such a fun time, partying (there’s one going on next door as I type and it’s really annoying me since all I can hear is girls laughing and screaming every so often!), drinking, easily getting on with / literally getting on the opposite sex (stupid teenagers, of which I am one but not like that!), seemly not, for some reason I can’t fathom, worried about anything like exams and certainly not some random girl who I don’t really know that well but still have a pointless infatuation with which will lead absolutly nowhere! Life for me is a constant worry about where I’m going, where I’ve come from and how everyone obviously thinks, or rather knows, that I’m a total nerd who will never get near a member of the opposite sex without being incredibly scared and shy, even though I’m not the bad but hell I might as well be because that might get me the sympathy vote! The entirity of modern society sucks and is dragging all the good people down with it because they’re not attractive enough or interesting enough to get noticed by anyone let along some random girl who I don’t know that well but have been agonising over if to make a move on for a good while now. Well, a few weeks anyway!

How fickle am I!?

Asking Her Out – What’s The Point?

So, the endless, pointless saga that surrounds that girl I like continues. I woke up today and thought – what’s the point?

Firstly, I hardly know her, really. She’s not going to even consider going out with someone she doesn’t really know. Secondly, she is way out of my league, she’s not going to go for an ugly, annoying guy like me. She’s so nice she could have anyone she wants, she’s not going to go out with silly old me! Thirdly, she’s not even bothered about getting a boyfriend so why would she go out with anyone, let alone me? Lastly, I probably don’t even have the balls to ask her out anyway so I’m really agonising over nothing. I’m so stupid.

The Devil Is In The Detail

They say “the devil’s in the detail”. It certainly is when it comes to girls. When around a girl you like and are talking to them, you have to pay attention to everything they say and every little gesture they make, to work out if they like you.

Take that girl I like, for example. When I went into town with her there were two things that really stood out for me. The first was when we were talking about uni and I said I was staying her like she was, and she and her friend looked at each other in a strange way. It suggests to me (although I could be wrong) that they know I like her and that they realise that since I’m staying I’ll probably ask her out at some point – if I was going away, I wouldn’t be able to, obviously, since it would be pointless. The other thing was that when we were in Starbucks, they randomly started about if they wanted to get married. Okay, perhaps it’s just one of those girl things where they just decide to talk about that kinda stuff, but I don’t know. She said she wasn’t enthusiastic about marriage, and that she certainly wouldn’t want to religious ceremony. I said I didn’t really know if I wanted to get married.

It’s all so confusing for us guys – how do we tell if a girl likes us or not????

Asking Her Out – Delusions of Grandeur

Well, going to town with that girl was a bit of a non-event. As I was getting there, I recieved a text from her saying “Is it okay if my friend comes along” and hell, it wasn’t like I was going to say no!

They want to Hollister while I went to HMV then Game. we then went to Starbucks, then they went into some clothes shop and I went to asda, then we went to TopMan and Benneton where we didn’t buy much and I wasn’t particularly enthusastic. I didn’t really get anywhere, it was really a non-event. When talking to her afterwards on MSN, I asked if she’d like to do something else after the exams or something and she said yeah, only to then suggest going to the pub with a load of other people.

I’ve realised I was very nieve here, I thought it would just happen. I realise now I have to work on it for a little while, and eventually get myself into a much more favourable position to ask her out. Let’s hope it works out, and I don’t stay stuck in the ‘friend zone’.

I Really Like This Girl…

I’ve kinda known this girl a bit for a year or so, and recently we’ve started talking on MSN and then also in college too. In one of our conversations we were talking about the upcoming Summer Ball (not an actual proper ‘ball’ though obviously), the last thing of college before everyone moves on to university. I asked if she was going, and she said yes and she’s got her dress. We then started talking about clothes and I mentioned I don’t really have any fashion sense. She then offered to go into town with me to look at clothes. 

I don’t know whether to say something then, like “I really enjoyed this, want to do something else some time?” or something like that, or wait until another occasion. You see, the day before we’ve arranged to go into town we both happen to be going to the same person’s party, and then there is the Ball a few weeks later and she’s coming to my birthday party which is the day after that.

I’m a bit worried because she’s previously said she’s not bothered about having a boyfriend, but I think that seen as college is going to be over soon anyway, I might as well go for it. I’ll probably try and ask one of my friends for advice.

The Room

I slowly go into the room
It’s walls are blank
It’s walls are grey.

I look about, all that’s there
Is a table, and a chair.
On which rests pen and paper.

I sit down at the chair and write
About all my sorrows
On my own plight.

Then I hear the door open
I turn around to see who’s there
It’s a girl of unimaginable beauty 

She takes me by the hand
And leads me out
Into the shining world

The door behind me shuts
Suddenly, it locks
Shut to me forever.

What does it matter?
I’m in a better place.
But not perhaps forever.

The Pit

Down the endless pit I fall
All is dark, I cannot see
My arms outstretch
Looking for hand to save me

For nearly eighteen years
I have fallen down this pit
Looking for hands to hold
People to save me

Occasionally I do discover
Helping hands
But my strength is limited
I cannot hold for long

But perhaps there is something
Inside of me, that doesn’t want to hold on
I do not blame those that let go
For doing so.

The fault is mine 

Back down the pit I go
Still looking for that elusive hand
That will save me forever
From this terrible pit

I see none forthcoming
I see only darkness
For ever and ever

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