Archive for February, 2009


I hope I’m not being premature about this but with a mere 4 months to go until my 18th birthday, it would seem that my acne is finally sibsiding for good. I’n glad that’s over, as is every other teenager who goes through it.

Let’s hope I’m right. I’ll be very annoyed if I’m wrong. I’m probably right…

Perhaps now I won’t shatter mirrors, break cameras and scare girls wherever I go. Hell, a girl might start to like me, you never know. Stranger things have happened.



I think my main trouble is overthinking. Before I do anything, I always consider “Is this right?” “Will this negativly or positivly effect my life in the long run?” “Won’t this be really embarassing?”. This inevitably leads to indecision and stagnation of my personality and fears. I should do more stuff without seriously considering the consequences for my social and mental well-being, but these thought processes are so ingrained into me that I don’t think I can get rid of them.

Oh well. Just the way it is I suppose…


I sit beside her
I stare into her beautiful eyes
I caress her pretty ginger hair
Drawn in by her voluptuous lips

We both lean in
Our lips lock
I treasure the moment
We lie down together

All of a sudden I’m awake
I look around at my empty bedroom
I sigh
I go back to sleep

Later I reflect
How I wish it was true
I imagine it again
I’m so happy

I don’t think of it being impossible
It’s too difficult to bear

I chickened out again

Well I’ve again managed to chicken out of telling my friends how much they mean to me ( I just couldn’t seem to find the right moment and was too embarassed to say it. I’m so stupid. I might never get a similar chance. I just don’t want to lose them. Not that that’s likely, but I still want them to know, all the same.

My ‘Poetry’

Some commentors have suggested my poetry is good. I really appreciate this complment, but I’d just like to say why I think it isn’t very good.

I do English Literature at college, so I know a little about poetry. Poetry I’ve read includes innumerable metaphors, evocative images, and subtle description. Mine includes no metaphors, simple images and obvious, plain descrption. There’s no sense of subtlety whatsoever.

That’s why my ‘poetry’ isn’t really poetry, it’s really just my thoughts put into a poetic structure. I might as well just write it as a story rather than a poem.

Friendship Speech

Well my special primary school best friends are coming over today. I’m definatly going make that speech this time. This is what I plan to say:

“I would just like to say that if I ever hurt our friendships, I’m really sorry. I would never intentionally hurt our friendship, because you guys are my best friends. You’ve always been there for me, no matter what, and I hasvn’t always done the same. I just want to say that you’re like brothers and sisters to me, I love you guys. I just thought I’d say it, because I felt it something I need to say. I’d hate to lose you guys, I’d be completely lost without you.”

I’m crying about it just writing it. I don’t know why it gives me such a strong response. All I can say is that I mean every word of it.

Taking Things Personally

Some people say I take everything too personally, like my post on the 9th. What can I say. I’m insecure. Any slight thing that goes against me I take as something that must be my own personal fault. I always think ‘if I hadn’t have done this, this bad thing wouldn’t have happened’ even perhaps when it isn’t my fault at all. However, 99.99% of the time it is my fault. Also, I think it’s because I value friendship so highly I expect others to do the same, when in reality this isn’t the case. That’s because they have other things to be happy about. I don’t. Friends are all I have. I’ll never give up on them.

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