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Archive for December, 2008

Similarity Between My And A Sad-O

There’s someone at college that is universally accepted as a ‘sad-o’ but he doesn’t realise it. I’ve had to put up with him being around since primary school, and I hate his guts – he’s been annoying me for over 12 years now. I know he’s been bullied a lot but it doesn’t excuse him for acting like he does. The other day though, I realised how much me and him have in common, how much we are similar.

We have both been bullied, even though with me the bulling was considerably less harsh, and we both feel very lonley people inside. I think that if I’d caved in emotionally, I could have become him.

But that’s the difference between me and him. He caved in, and became resentful. I soldiered on, not wanting to let the bullies win. His resentfulness fuels people’s dislike for him, which in turn fuels his resentment at the way he’s been treated.

Most importantly, I had my friends, and my positive attitude towards people, that kept me from becoming this monster.

And yet, I cannot help but feel that I still have the potential to be like that other person.

How Do I Get Through The Day?

If you’ve been reading his blog even for a only a short amount of time, you’d be able to gather that I a pretty depressing and depressive sort of bloke, and your probably wondering how I get through the day without being incredibly sad.

One element is simply British ‘stiff upper-lip’, not wanting to show weakness, but mostly it’s my friends. Some of them have known me for practically my whole life, and the memories of the great times we had make me feel very happy, if fact, so much so that I can start to cry with hapiness. I’m doing that now. I see them everyday at college so that’s nice. In combination with them is the rest of my friends who I’ve mostly known for about 5 years now, and some more recent ones I’ve only known about a year, but all their cheerfulness and craziness keeps me happy. 

Without my friends I am nothing. I’d be just a sad little man, sitting in the corner, crying.

The Mechanics Of It…

When I think about sex, I mean the mechanics of sex, I find it actually a disgusting thing. Well, just sex, normally, seems kind of ok to me. It’s other things that repulse me.

Blow-jobs: why would a woman want to do that? Surly they don’t get anything out of that situation? It must be disgusting, having, you know, that in your mouth?

‘Eating someone out’: why would you want to put your tongue in there? Surly you must get a tonne of STDs? Something that I will not do.

I don’t really know much else about this subject though, that’s pretty much it.

Categories: Girls, Relationships, Sex, Thoughts

Girls and Their Shoes

At the recent event I discuss before, an interesting (well, not interesting, but you know what I mean) subject came up. Girls shoes. Or rather, their high heels.

Two of my friends were complaining, at the end of the night, that their feet hurt because they were wearing high heels. So why wear them, if they hurt you, I said? They said it’s because they want to look good. Me and another friend said that nobody cares about what their shoes were like. They didn’t have any reply to this.

What I said, you see, after that, was that they can’t complain because it was their choice to wear those high heels, and can’t say it was guys fault becuase they want to see them wearing nice shoes, because we just said we don’t care. If you still think you should be able to complain, then why don’t they – wear something else!?

Honestly though, I swear that girls possess no sense of logic whatsoever.

Categories: Friends, Girls, Parties, Thoughts

My Friend and Alcohol

One of my friends turned 18 recently and she seems to have decided that at every social event (well, party, that is) she has to get drunk.

Firstly this is strange because this person, as I know her, isn’t the sort of person to do something just because she can, especially something as morally questionable as drinking. She is an alter sever at her local parish church, after all.

Secondly, I don’t understand why anyone would want to anyway. These parties, you can have as much fun, probably more fun, if you’re sober. If you’re drunk – well, if she’s drunk – she’ll just start talking about random things and falling over, and I think that interacting with friends, playing games, talking e.t.c is much more fun than staggering around with people laughing at you, and no remembering everything you did that night.

Just my opinion, obviously she doesn’t see it that way.

Female Contact

I’ve mentioned before how I’m scared of female contact (as in literal contact between body parts) and I have been trying to think why I am like this.

One of the theories is that I immediatly associate body contact between genders as sexual, and I’m afraid of any sexual relations at all.

Another thoery is that I want any female contact to be on my terms, so I can control what happens, as I’m uncomfortable with girls generally, and relationships. I don’t want anything going wrong, I want a situation in my control so everything can go the way I want.

If anyone else has any theories, please feel free to post them in the comments section.

Looking Into The Future

I can just imagine the day when someone actually likes me and asks me out. Here’s how I think it would play out:

“Would you like to go out with me?” (or similar)
I’d reply “Yeah sure but… why?”
“What?”
“I mean, why would you want to go out with me? You could clearly do much better than me.”
“I like you! Do you not want to go out with me?”
“Yes I do! I’m sorry! I just… I’m not the most confident person, you see, and it’s just in my nature that I can’t believe this is happening. I’ve been really stupid now and I should probably just go…”

I don’t know how it would go after that though. She might say “it’s alright” or she might go “your weird, I’m not going out with you!” which would be understandable, considering that exchange.

I’m probably being silly, but that’s how I see it going.

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