Archive for November, 2008

Tendancies towards unhealthy obsession

Reading this post from someone who commented on a previous entry of mine is a good reference point for what I was thinking about talking about here anyway.

You see, when I think I like someone I tend to get completly obsessed with them; always looking at them and looking out for them, trying to get near them but thinking – no, knowing – it’s not going to work and is stupid.

It’s not exactly like that other person’s post, but kind of in a similar vein.


Party Envy

When I posted about carefree teenage parties a few days ago (here) I said that I was annoyed by them, because of the careless pleasure-seeking that they represented to me. However, that’s not really my underlying reason for hating them, if I’m being honest.

It’s jelousy. It’s for the good-looking majority of people who can easily attract members of the opposite sex that manifests itself obviously and uncaringly in the form of people ‘getting on’ others. See the definition in UrbanDictionary if you don’t get what that means.

I long for the day when attracting the opposite sex is as easy and these people make it, but in some ways I don’t because I don’t agree with casual sexual experiences. As I’ve said before, they should be meaningful, otherwise they’re poinless and bordering on the immoral.

Loud Parties

There’s a girl about my age that lives a few doors down and I get really annoyed when she has parties, they’re really loud and annoying and go on so long that it’s still going on when I’m trying to sleep.

But what annoys me more is what those type of typical teenage parties represent: people drinking, making out of simply having too much of a good time. It’s far too self-indulgent and is simply an excuse for excessive frivolity.

Categories: Girls, Life, Parties, Thoughts

I’m giving up on girls

As you would have gathered from reading my other posts, I’m not the most confident person when it comes to girls and relationships and I’ve had no experience of them.

So I’ve come to the conclusion that to boost my self-confidence massivly, I’ll give up on girls and focus far more on friends.

I just think that it means I’d be able to cast off that one big burden on my mental state and this will boost my self-confidence because I won’t be thinking about how girls think of me, that they are repulsed by me and so why I can’t get a girlfriend. 

It’ll just make life so much easier. The only thing is, it means the end of this blog. I’ll miss being able to write my thoughts down uncensored, but, hey, I might come back every so often.

One Regret Of Many

One day when me and my three best friends (the ones that I’ve talked about before) got back together after 5 years kind of apart, as I stopped being friends with one for some time, I planned to something but didn’t and really regret it now. I wanted to say:

I know I haven’t always shown it, but I love you guys. You’ve always been there for me and although I haven’t always been there for you, I do try.

But I chickened out, and I’ll always regret it, because I really mean it and want my friends to know how much I appreciate them.

It Isn’t The End Of The World!

I’ve never had a girlfriend. I’ve never had sex. I’ve never felt a girl’s boobs. I’ve never kissed a girl.

But is this so terrible? Sometimes I think, boobs, kissing, e.t.c can’t possibly be all they’re cracked up to be – how can they? How can these be the best things in the world ever?

Then again, this could just be a big subconscious excuse for me never having to confront my fears. I guess I’ll never know. Unless I get a girlfriend. Which is unlikely…


Rejection is my biggest fear. Anytime I’ve genuinely liked someone I’ve been stopped by fear: fear of rejection, which, as always, comes out of my lack of self-confidence. I’m also just generally scared of getting intimate with a girl, although that really bears no relation to this as that comes later.

I think, “there’s no point in asking her out, she’s only going be shocked and appalled and say no.” As I’ve said before, I really have no concrete evidence for this, but it’s just the way I think.

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