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Archive for October, 2008

The Logic Of Not Playing Spin The Bottle

Spin The Bottle is a standard teenage party game. It involves people sitting in a circle with each person taking it in turns to spin a bottle. When it stops the person must either kiss the person it’s landed on or take a shot. I do not participate in this game and I have an entire set of logical analysis as to why.

Firstly, I don’t want my first kiss to be in a drunken game of spin the bottle, I want it to be meaningful. But this is neauralised by the fact that nobody would want to kiss me anyway. So that means I would have to take a shot. But this goes against my ‘principles’ as I don’t think getting really drunk is a good thing. So therefore if I refuse to take shots and nobody will kiss me, then why play? So I don’t. I just watch, and look away every time people kiss. Also, I don’t like the idea of kissing my friends, that’s really weird.

Why do I look away when the other people kiss? Becuase I see it as a private thing between people who like each other. But this is spin the bottle. They’re kissing becuase it’s nice, not because they like each other.

So why do I look away? Because I’m a crazy idiot who is too ‘principled’ to have fun. But my priciples are stupid. So why do I follow them? It’s because I’m stupid and have no confidence.

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I’ve Never…

I’ve never had a girlfriend. I’ve never had sex. I’ve never felt a girl’s boobs. I’ve never kissed a girl. 

This is just one of the various things that go through my head when I’m thinking about relationships. I hate to think that way, but as a guy I think it’s unavoidable. I don’t think girls get that kind of thing, but I could be wrong. What do I know about it? Nothing, as you can probably judge from that first line.

Why is this, I ask myself? It’s because I’m ugly. I look in the mirror and think ‘ugh, who would look at that and like it?’ Nobody. The nearest I got to a girl was when I went to Berlin on a (secondary) school trip (year 11) and my classmates persuaded two English girls, who were staying at the hotel with their school, to dance with me. I refused like the idiot I am and so they instead gave me what everyone now calls a ‘lap dance’ but it wasn’t even that really, and I was scared s**tless. So basically, no girl has every shown a genuine interest in me in that way. Brilliant…

Why Make This Blog?

Everybody makes a blog for a reason. Some make it to air their views on something. Others make it to merely make money from advertising revenue. Some make it simply to have an outlet for their thoughts on whatever subject.

I fall into that last category.

I have the urge, when I’m thinking about serious matters of self-reflection, to consult people on it and ask for advice, a bit like Colonel Cathcart in Catch-22. However, I don’t want to bother my friends with my insane and pointless ramblings about relationships e.t.c. For that reason, I’ve decided to make this blog to satisfy that urge to discuss my ‘problems’ while keeping it away from my friends, so as not to bore them to death or frustrate them about my stupid outlook on life.

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