It’s Late, and Those Regrets Have Surfaced Again

It’s 12:50 in the morning. I’ve just finished watching Get Over It, and as I was about to get ready for bed, those regrets hit me again, and I feel the need to vent them here.

I should have gone in halls. On Facebook, every day there is a reminder of how many friends everyone else has made, how much of a good time partying they’re having. Friends talk about how they’ve gotten off with some girls. And here I am, sitting at home, typing away on a computer, or playing Modern Warfare 2, e.t.c. I’ve missed out on so many experiences, so many friends I didn’t make, so many fun nights missed. Everyone is having a good time but me.

I’m such an idiot, such a Mummy’s boy, such a square (yes that term is way old and never used any more but sue me). I’m afraid of new experiences, of moving outside my comfort zone. But my comfort zone is so small, so restrictive, so impossible to escape from, that it is ruining my life. I know it’s too late. In some ways, I wish I fail this year so I can go to another uni, far, far away, where I can go in halls and have a good time, expand my horizons and draw so many things into my comfort zone so that I will never have to worry about social situations ever again. But that won’t happen, because a good student, who lives at home with his parents. I’m doomed to a life of boredom, loneliness and no sexual experiences whatsoever.

I can hear you thinking: ‘that’s all this is really about, isn’t it? Sex, kissing, all that.’ And you’re probably right. But it is something I am concerned about, because I know how this experience not will affect the rest of my life. And from what I see from the current picture, my life is going to suck.

So if you don’t mind, I’m now going to comfort myself by looking at pictures of the good times I had with me college friends. Goodnight.

She Made Me Feel Happy

I’ve been feeling down in the dumps for the last few days, because I felt alone, and that my friends and I weren’t very close. All that changed yesterday when I had a video call with E on Skype.

She was in a good mood, and her happiness was very infectious, as it always is. The funniest bits where when she was making funny expressions, albeit inadvertently. She’s one of those people that have a face that is very amusing pretty much whatever expression she has on her face, it’s the same with J. The other funny thing was when she was listening to music and ‘dancing’, despite the fact she was sitting on her bed – basically it involved funny hand movements. I found it so funny.

The whole day today I was very happy, and it was because of that. I found myself singing (in my head, that is) cheerful songs when I was walking back from the train station after university.

New Semester

The new semester starts tomorrow, it should be good. Hopefully the fact I’ve chosen most of the units this time (the first semester you don’t get a choice in what you do) means it’ll be more interesting to me, I’ll actually enjoy it more. I did enjoy the first semester stuff, but it wasn’t what I’d choose, really. It should mean that I’m a bit more enthusiastic about it and put more effort in. Although admittedly I do seem to have done more work than most of my friends.

Which brings me nicely to another reason why a new semester, with new classes, different people will be good. Because hopefully I’ll be able to make more friends than the paltry few I have at the moment. Not that quantity counts, but I want to have more than a few friends at uni. Perhaps I’ll even meet some nice girl, although considering I’m still in Southampton and not Portsmouth would make anything impossible. Still, it would nice to make some female friends finally, get some practice on befriending girls in (god knows, I need it) and if a good proper friendship or (dare I hope) relationship develops, all the better. I doubt it’ll happen though. But you never know… life is full of surprises.

Uni: Now I’m Officially Screwed

Today at university I did (amongst other things) go to the Freshers Fayre, where I hoped I could join some societies and then start to actually, finally, make some friends at uni. Alas, I was wrong. It turned out all societies met on days when I am at work back in Southampton. When I realised this I completely capitulated emotionally. With me staying in Southampton, and my job being there too, there is simply no way I can go to the societies and make friends, and because I’m not in halls but living at home I cannot make friends in halls like everyone else does. I could give up my job, but with little chance of finding a weekend job with the current financial situation, that is simply not possible.

Thanks a lot Labour, you’ve really screwed me over on this one! It’s going to be your fault that I’m going to be without friends at university and also have no prospect of getting a girlfriend there either! I’m going to be a 21 year old virgin by the time I come out of university, and I bet I still won’t have even kissing a girl for the first time in that time either. Thanks a f**king bunch, stupid world!

I Thought I’d Made A Friend…

On Monday at university I got introduced to some lecturers and information about my course, and also met people in my tutor. Typically, we had to do some icebreaker exercises, and I was paired up with a girl, our jobs being to find about about each other and inform the rest of our tutor. We seemed to strike up a bit of a rapport during the exercise and I assumed (somewhere naively) that we could be friends, because obviously in university, because everyone is coming from far away and doesn’t know anyone, it is supposed to be easy to make friends. However, after tutor she buggered off without so much as a ‘goodbye’. Oh well, university is going to be a lonely experience…

Sudden Realisation About University: Dammit!

I have just realised he probably should have done halls at Portsmouth rather than staying here in Southampton and commuting in, in order to make lots of friends at uni. In my current situation I won’t spend enough time actually in Portsmouth to make any friends. People in halls make lots of friends like lightning, whereas I’ll have to wait until proper lessons start and I get involved in socities first, and probably not make anywhere near as many friends as I would have done had I been in halls. I’m so stupid! Oh well, too late now I suppose, I’m just totally screwed…

I won’t spend enough time actually in Portsmouth to make any friend