Be Right Back Etiquette

Here’s why I’m now not happy and so am back blogging:

J-O and I were talking on Skype, as usual, on Tuesday. At one point I decided to check if we were still going to watch a film on Wednesday as we had planned. But instead of giving a response, she said “brb” (be right back). I thought that was strange in itself, the fact that she seemed to deliberately avoid the question.

50 minutes later, she still wasn’t back. That also annoyed me, since by definition, ‘be right back’ does not mean you’ll take a long time. I think 20 mins is the very limit, which a friend of mine agreed with. It not only seems rude but it’s frustrating; I’d much rather she say something like, ‘oh, I’m going to go do whatever, I’ll probably be a while’ then I could not think about it, where she is, what she’s doing, why she’s not back.

So, like I said, it was 50 mins after she said “brb” and I was tired, not to mention a little annoyed. So I decided to go to bed. I said “I’m tired, I’m off to bed now, see ya” (the lack of affection, the casualness of “see ya”, said deliberately to imply I was annoyed) and signed out of Skype and turn off my computer.

But that’s not the end of it. When I signed in the next day and she did a bit later (Skype only sends messages received when you were offline when the other person signs in you see, unlike msn), I received a message from her, which said “oh sorry I am back [and then saying goodnight]“. Skype indicated that this message was sent 1 minute after I’d gone offline. It was almost as if she was still there all along, like she was ignoring me. If she didn’t want to talk to me at least she could have said she was going and doing something and wouldn’t be back for a while (as I said), or that she was going to bed. But making out like she still wants to talk to me then showing she’s there all along seems harsh to me.

Am I overreacting? All I know it that it pissed me off and put me in a very bad mood…

Time For A Break

I’ve decided that I shall take a break from talking to M  on MSN or inviting her around my house from now on. This doesn’t mean, however, that I will ignore her if she talks toNot that I talk to her much anyway these days, by that’s not the point.  I decided to do this for several reasons. And those reasons come under two broad sections, one ‘selfish’, the other ‘selfless’.

The selfish reasons are:

• These days when we talk she plays her Xbox at the same time and takes about 10 minutes to reply. I can’t tolerate this any longer. (See this post).
• She is the only person around since everyone went off to university and I need to get used to her not being around before she actually isn’t any more.
• However, I must admit I do suspect that my subconscious may partly be influencing me to make this decision so that she will talk to me more again, though I do recognise this possibility and will strongly attempt to resist it from having that effect.

The selfless reasons include:

• Today I remembered about how she said when J, her boyfriend, is away that she starts thinking about others, including me. I don’t want to undermine that in any way, however slight. (See this post).
• When I talk to her I almost always end up talking about myself, or saying something stupid, and I don’t want to put her through any more of that.

I Hate To See Her Upset

E is feeling very unhappy today, she’s having a lot of problems all cropping up at once, it seems, and this, coupled with it coming up to the anniversary of a close relative’s death, means she’s pretty sad at the moment. I do so hate to see her sad, as she’s such a nice and happy person, she always makes me smile.

So I had a talk to her on MSN about it. At first I said that I wish I could help but I didn’t really know what to say. Then she said “just you being there is enough “. That was really cute, I said “aww” and “you always make me smile and I hate to see you upset”. She liked that, responding with “:) * hug *” which I returned. About her relationship problems, I told her she was a really nice person and deserved somebody. She seemed to cheer up after all that, which was good. We talked about other stuff and at the end of the conversation she said “thanks for the chat really needed it”. I was pleased that I’d managed to cheer her up a bit, and just said “that’s ok, it’s what I’m here for”.

Although her problems are still present, I hope I went a little way into cheering her up. She such a nice person, I hate to see her upset. I just wanted to go visit her straight away and give her a big hug. Luckily easter is just round the corner so I’ll be seeing her soon. I can’t wait

More Good News

I’m a bit surer that that Bulgarian girl likes me now. Two days ago, when we were talking on Skype, she asked me what I was doing. Funnily enough, at the time I was actually talking to E about how I fancied her. (E was very happy for me, she was like “aww”.) I thought about saying “oh, just talking to a friend on MSN”, but then I had a good idea. I said I was talking to a friend on MSN, but then said I was talking about her. Naturally, she asked what I said, and I simply replied “about how u contacted me and how nice you are and stuff”. I eagerly awaiting how she would respond to this. She said “ I am glad that you think it about me and I feel the same.” I just thought “wow she said she feels the same way” Of course it’s not like she directly says she likes me in that way, but it’s a good start She wasn’t online last night though and I was quite disappointed. One of my friends asked “missing her? lol” and I was like, “a bit “

EDIT: I only just received a message from her that she apparently sent yesterday that I didn’t get, it was really sweet. She said:
[my name] just to tell you
good night and
sweet  dreams
have a good day
tomorrow

Disappointingly, however, I realised yesterday that September is still 6 months away Even if she does like me now, I hope she doesn’t lose interest by then

Too Much Focus On Girl-Friends

Last night (night is a time when I do a lot of my musings that end up on here) I just realised something. For ages now, I’ve been focussing most of my attention on my female friends. They are mostly the people I invite over these days, I haven’t had a male friend come round for a while now. It’s the same with MSN conversations, they are almost exclusively with girls these days. I suppose it must be a sort of slight release valve for sexual frustration that I feel.

Well, this trend stops now. I shall not use my female friends in this way. From now on, I will make an effort to see more of my male friends. It’s quite a good time to realise this, since I also recently realised that I’m drifting apart from some of my male friends, which I don’t want to do.

This is very good realisation.

Am I Scared Of Girls?

During an interesting and rather surreal MSN conversation once, somebody asked me “are you afraid of girls or something.” I did, like any man would, say categorically “no”. But then, unlike a lot of guys, when I said that, I was lying. Am I scared of girls? You bet I am.

I dunno what it is about girls that scare me (when I say girls, I mean like, ones I don’t know – I’m not scared of girls I know. Much). Perhaps it is their ‘otherness’, the fact they are different, which means I don’t know how they think or act, that scares me. I don’t like trying to start a conversation with one, through not knowing the best way to start a conversation with one these other-worldly beings. I am certainly scared of intimate contact with girls, as my previously-mentioned-in-this-blog dislike of spin-the-bottle (by the current people-of-my-age standards a positively tame game) and in real life just general aversion of intimacy. Perhaps I’m scared they’ll get to know me, and dislike me, even though there is (possibly, I’m not so convinced) a just-as-likely chance that they’ll actually like me.

I dunno, really. I’m just messed up.

Talk To Me Properly, Or Don’t Bother At All

Picture the scene. You’re talking to someone and halfway through they suddenly walk away and play a video game for 5 minutes, come back and expect you to carry on like nothing has happened. That’s what has essentially what happened the last few times I’ve talked to M on MSN. I’d be talking to her and she’d take about 5 minutes later finally reply. If you’re going to go on MSN and talk to people, do so. If you want to sign off MSN and play a game, do so. Don’t try and do both and end up being very rude and have to pause your game every 5 minutes to go back to your computer to reply. After a while she said “brb” (be right back), and only came back 20 minutes later when I was going to say goodbye, at which point she revealed she’d decided to fire up her Xbox.

I just don’t understand it at all. Maybe I’m just old fashioned, but when your talking to someone, aren’t you supposed to give them at least most of your attention? Does she not get how rude it is? Also, isn’t it simply inconvenient to try and talk to someone on your computer and play a game at the same time? I know I’d hate doing that. I cannot understand why she couldn’t just have said “I’m going off to play Dragon Age: Origins, see you soon, bye” or whatever. Why did she try and talk to me and try and play the game? It really doesn’t make sense to me. Also, it’s about manners, like I said. Is it not her basically saying to me ‘a videogame is important than talking to you, my friend’. At least I know where I stand, I suppose…

One Of My Best Friends Is Back From Uni For The Weekend!

One of my best friends, E, is back from uni for the weekend and she’s going to come over for the afternoon on Sunday. I can’t wait! Every time we’re talking on MSN we’re both like “miss you!”, it’s so lovely. It does occasionally get a bit ridiculous though. We are such close friends, it’s really nice to have a friend you’re that close to.

It’s so funny, when I was talking to her on MSN she said she liked serveral guys at uni, and every time I talked to her after that I kept exaggerate the figure. I eventually stopped when we agreed that if anything changes in each of our relationships-with-the-opposite-sex situations changes we’ll tell each other, instead of both asking each time, and each time saying “no change”. I also teased her about if she ‘liked’ any girls instead. She just said “oh, you’re so funny! ” (sarcasm by the way). I love annoying her, well, anyone, all the time. Sometimes I have to stop because I do it too much, but she doesn’t mind mostly. Especially teasing her about boys.

It’s a real shame that she hasn’t settled down in a nice long-term relationship with anybody yet, like my other friends M and J (see this post). She really deserves somebody nice to have a great relationship with, as she’s unbelievably nice, fun to be around, and quite pretty. I’m sure Mr Right will appear one day soon and sweep her off her feet, and I’ll be there to say “awww.”

I can’t wait for to see her

It’s Over, And I Feel Empty

Well, it’s finally over. That girl I like rejected me over MSN yesterday. I can’t say I’m entirly surprised, especially given my recent feelings about the whole situation. Here’s how it went:

her: [my name], i need to tell you something, i know you um, like me

Now at this point time seemed to slow, everything seemed to go quiet. All I could hear was my breathing. My hand actually started shaking with nerves at this point. After was seemed like ages I managed to type:

me: er. yeah…
her: …

I then thought, well, that response can only mean one thing. I felt very sad, but I then typed:

me: so, er… are you telling me you’re not interested?
her: i just wanted to tell you now, so you didn’t get your hopes up, i didn’t want to hurt you
me: that’s ok
me: I understand
her: ok

I then thought “fuuucccccckkkkk”. I’m completely screwed. I wasn’t happy. Then I said:

me: kinda expected that anyway, so it’s ok
her: how come?
me: well, you know, you’re very beautiful, outgoing, talented and I’m kinda the opposite
her: you’re always so down on yourself! you’re going to uni, so you’re talented! got some nice mates, you’re going places!
me: you might be half right but I couldn’t hold a candle to you (I’m assuming you’ve heard this expression)
her: yes i have heard that expression
her: you’re very charming but, even you must know by now i don’t take compliments well – lol!
me: yeah
her: and, you don’t have to be like anyone else
me: no but I just knew we were too different, pretty much from the start. don’t know why I went along with it. and I was really stupidly obvious
her: no you weren’t that obvious, honestly
her: we are pretty different, yes
me: knowing me I probably would never have plucked up the courage to ask u anyways
her: you’ll find someone and feel you have so much in common that you won’t even need courage! it will just come naturally
me: yeah, possibly
her: honest
me: anyway, thanks for telling me
her: that’s ok
me: I suppose it’s one less thing to worry about
her: are you worried?
me: about what?
her: well, you said one less thing…
me: well, uni is a major worry at the moment
me: I kinda feel like I’m staring into the abyss with that
her: know what you mean!
her: anything else?
me: girls in general, but that’s a constant worry so that’s no different from normal
her: we’re not some foreign species you know
me: could’ve fooled me
her: well, we just ‘work’ differently, there are exceptions though, like with everything
me: yeah but I think most guys understand you more than someone like me lol
her: i doubt it
me: girls are about as comprehendable as nuclear fission to me
her: well, if you think of it that way, we will be
me: perhaps, but it’ll be a while before I can think differently
me: if ever at all
her: don’t give up like that!
her: you don’t seem like this infront of people, do you put on a front?
me: oh yeah totally, big massive distraction, always smiley
me: can’t let the side down in front of others, show your weakness
her: no not always smiley, sometimes you say things that are pretty offensive, but don’t realise or know that they are but think it’s ok – and btw, everyone has stuff like that and it’s not a weakness, just a learning curve
me: sorry
me: i’m not very good with those things
me: inexperienced, like with most things
her: i just see it as the way you think, i think you know what you are saying james
me: anyhow I’d love to chat but I have to go, bye!
her: running away?
her: see you
me: no!
me: my dad wants to get on the computer
her: okies
me: anyway, thanks for the talk, bye

So, that was that. I went to bed straight after that, and during the night I experienced a wide range of emotions. When I first went up I felt lonely and depressed, strangely empty and devoid of thought.

Then I woke up at 3 and I was kinda angry, because of when she said “running away? “. I found that very insulting. She is suggesting that I run away from my problems like some coward. I was not doing that at all. That was a low blow, in my opinion. For me, it also implied a lot of other things – that she thought I was immature, that I was an inferior person to her. It’s like I was nothing but a bit of dirt on her shoe. I thought, ‘well, if that’s how she does feel, then I’m better off without her anyway, the b*tch. In the end I concluded I was overreacting though.

Five minutes later I then started to feel very upset. I’d thought about talking to her about her insult, but then I got into thinking what else I’d say, like “all I want to do is make you happy. if us just being friends makes you happy, then I’m ok with that”. But of course, I wasn’t. I started crying. I thought ‘I thought I actually had something there, I thought I actually had a chance.’ Even typing this is bringing back the tears. I thought ‘oh god, thinking about my reaction, I think I might have actually more or less loved her’. That made me cry even more.

I eventually stopped and managed to get to sleep again, but that was one night I won’t soon forget.

Late Night MSN Chats & Finally Something Goes My Way!

Last night on MSN there were some revelations concerning that girl I like. It’s kinda complicated and sounds like something straight out of a film, but it’s true.

What I found out was that the girl I like fancies someone, who I’ll call G for the purposes of this blog. But someone else, L, liked him too. As if by magic the next morning, I went on Facebook and G and L were going out!

Finally, something goes my way! The girl I like posted a cryptic status update that (I’m pretty sure, like, 99% sure) shows that she wasn’t too happy about the revelation. Still, this means that he is out of bounds and by the time I get to ask her out, she’ll (hopefully) be over it. It’s win-win – well, except for her, unfortunatly.

But as they say, all’s fair in love and war.