Principles & Taking Advantage

The other day the girlfriend of one of my best friends posted on fb that she was single. My first thought was, naturally, that it was a terrible shame – they’ve been together for 4 years or so, seem really happy together and are so cute together. Yet less than an hour later I’d had another thought about it; of how I’d kinda liked her a little and this could be an opportunity for me. I rather offended myself with that thought. I pride myself on being a ‘principled’ person and in my book, even if you do fancy your friend’s girlfriend or only-just-ex-girlfriend, then you should not act on it. To do so would not just make the friendship awkward but also be a violation of the manly code of conduct where you must be respectful of the man’s feelings when it comes to women. Okay, it may be an outdated concept and seem a little silly, but it simply makes sense. You wouldn’t want it have done to you, so you should not do it to others. In that way, everybody wins in the long run.

Thoughts on the 3rd J-O Meet-Up

Here are some random thoughts concerning my 3rd meet-up with J-O.

When I was crying, she said (something along the lines of) “don’t be upset, everyone has to go through it, I did before and I know it’s difficult”. Why does something have to happen, if it is bad, just because it has happened before? Why is it that she seems to think that I have to suffer like this because she once did?

Every time we have talked about how we can’t be together now, she has always brought up about how we can’t sleep together because she’s in a shared room. I thought it was strange that a girl worried more about sleeping together, about having sex, more than a guy (I) did.

I can’t believe how nice it was just to lay there on the bed with her (covered by her blanket, not the covers though). My arm was underneath her head, her head resting on it. Several times she hugged me more tightly. It was so soothing to feel the warmth of her body against mine, her head touching close to my chest, where I could kiss her on the cheek and forehead. I could have stayed like that all day, were it not for her dropping the “just friends” bombshell and her having to get on with her work. After she dropped that bombshell I asked, and I still wonder, if why she enjoyed that if she really wanted us to be ‘just friends’. ‘Just friends’ don’t cuddle up like that.

At one point she decided to change into different clothes. When she said it to me, I asked if I should look away, but she said it was ok. I couldn’t believe it. Though she only changed her 1st top (she had something else underneath it) so I didn’t see much there, she did change her trousers, and all she had on underneath was panties and this second top thing, which if it was all she had on, would have been a very sexy bit of nightwear, shall we say. I’m not sure how to explain exactly what it was, but hopefully you get the idea. It was over quickly but was still sexy, and, to be honest, given what she said later (about being friends), was a bit of a tease.

One of J-O’s flatmates came down to the common room and sat with me, and pulled the blanket over to her to cover herself (it was still covering me too). She asked what was I going to do after the movie was over, and I said that I would probably be saying bye to J-O and leaving. She was surprised at this. When I went back up to see J-O, she came in with me and asked her, suggestively, “what are you going to do with him?”. J-O ignored the suggestion and said she would walk me to the Tube station.

Note: I may come back and add to this if I remember anything while I’m trying to get to sleep tonight.

Thoughts on the Body

Okay, this is going to be a strange post for me because I usually don’t delve into this area on here and deals with, frankly, disgusting things (to be discussing at least). As such, I’m going to leave the rest of the piece, once I’ve told you what I’ll be talking about, behind a ‘read more’ link so you can’t say I didn’t warn you!

It’s about my body.

My Current Fear

Today J-O started her new life as a university student, and thinking about that lead me to a new fear. I fear that as she makes new friends and meets a lot of nice, interesting guys, she won’t have any need for me at all.

Here’s my reasoning (as such): most of the time we were ‘together’ online, it was at a time when she had finished high school and all her friends were starting university, either in another country or another city. She was lonely. Therefore she latched onto me, who was just nice enough, to keep her company for that time. It meant she wasn’t alone. But now, she’ll have new friends and more interesting people around her. She won’t need me to keep her company, and the other guys will be much more interesting to be with and will be more knowledgeable about relationships and therefore better to be with.

I dunno, I’m probably being a tad paranoid and I’m certainly being characteristically defeatist. But it doesn’t mean I’m wrong.

The Wink

I’m in the pub
I go to the loo
Once I’d done
What I’ve got to do
I went to wash my hands

But in the mirror
Something winks
A flashing blue light
I stop, puzzled
I turn around

There’s a machine
A vendor of rubbers
Each choice has a light
That flashes
In the night

It seems to wink
Come, buy me
It seems to say
You need me
Use me

I turn away
There’s no point
I say
You won’t be used

Not for some years
I expect
So no
Wink at someone
Who needs you

The Player

He’s got it
He knows it
He can use it
I can envy it

He’s wants them
He gets them
He uses them
I can scorn them

He has fun with them
He’s on to the next one
He has fun with them
I envy him

To have them, I want
To have them, I need
But to use, I will not
To discard, I will not

I envy the power
I cannot wield
I will not wield
No matter how much I want

I don’t have it
I know it
I can use it
He’ll rue it

Some Male Life Conventions

Firstly, can I just say that yes, I do realise this has been covered a billion times over the internet. But I want to make my own list so
Here I’m going to list a select few conventions (rules, if you will) of male life. They are:

• Phone conversations: If talking to another guy, they should be used only to impart information, and should last less than two minutes. It is acceptable to talk for longer about other stuff if talking to a female or family member.
• Urinals: You must always have a one urinal gap in between each man. If there are no available gaps, and you’re desperate, then it is acceptable to go next to someone providing you look at the wall in front of you and nowhere else.
• Emotions: Emotions cannot be displayed at any time, except when hit in the balls or drunk, although in both instances your friends hold the right to laugh at you for it for the rest of their lives.
• Hugs: Only ultra-cool guys can give out hugs, and such hugs can be accepted with visible enthusiasm. If hugged by an uncool person you are required to show severe discomfort afterwards.
• Music: High School Musical et al is expressly forbidden, upon pain of being called ‘gay’. This also goes for most mainstream, bland pop.

Girls and Their Phones

Girls love their phones don’t they? I don’t mean as a fashion accessory, I mean as a communication device. It’s a rare male phone conversation that goes over two minutes – important information is quickly discussed and imparted, a conclusion made, and that’s it. It’s a tool to get arrangements sorted, nothing more. Long chats are reserved for an evening down the pub. With girls it’s different. They spend ages on the phone talking about everything, and nothing – what they’ve been up to, funny stories, advice and gossip. They hardly ever meet up to discuss these things while having a good time – it’s all very serious.

Take yesterday evening, for example. M phoned me to try and catch a lift back from the pub tonight (and bunch of us are going), as her friend who’s house she was going to stay round now can’t come. We got that sorted fine, but even that took five minutes to sort out – if it was a guy I’d been talking to, the conversation would have been finished in two minutes, and the call promptly ended.

Not with M though. She started talking to me about going to visit J at his uni, and how they’d gone to a pub with his mates and some random person at the bar had started hitting on her. I’m all for talking about such things, but over the phone it seemed… unnatural. Impersonal. Like I said, guys would want to talk about that in person, so you could have a right laugh about it amongst ourselves. This way just seems so… artificial. Without proper connection. Could she not have waited until tonight to tell me about it? Then we could have a proper laugh about it together, and have another good topic of conversation. In total, the call lasted around twenty minutes – 20 minutes! Like I said, I’m all about having long chats, but on the phone, it somehow doesn’t feel right.

So yeah, that’s girls and their phones.

(P.S: She also mentioned something kinda disturbing, this funny story about how she banged her head on a shelf while having sex with J. I didn’t say about it at the time (I just said it was indeed a funny story), but I really didn’t want to know that. I mean, I know we’re very open and comfortable talking to each other about stuff, but I think that goes a bit too far.)

I Still Think About Her

Hey, it’s yet another post about that girl I used to like. Boring, I know. Anyway, I still think about her. It’s so stupid. As I said before, it’s really just because she is really fit that I liked her. Every time I see her or think about her, I always think how great it would be to her as my girlfriend, someone that so incredibly sexy. But I know there was never a chance of that – I knew that from the beginning. (All this is against my ‘principles’, I know).

I still kind of hate her. Well, I don’t really. I hate myself for thinking I had a chance. I hate myself for thinking of her only in terms of her body. I hate how, even now, I cannot get over the fact she rejected me. What is wrong with me, seriously? Is is because she is the last person that I fancied, that I need someone new to enter my sights to get rid of this cloud that hangs over me.

Arg!!

Don’t Tell Me Love Is Bad

I was talking to one of my friends on MSN the other day and she was telling me how her boyfriend cheated on her. He kissed several girls at my party that I told you about around a month ago, I didn’t know because they slept in the living room downstairs while I slept in my room. She asked my advice and I simply said she should do what she thinks is right. She said she won’t dump him because she loves him, but also said:

her: never fall in love, it’s crap me: aww don’t say that her: it is so overratated its true it brings nothing but pain and trouble me: lonliness is worse her: it’s an ache but at least it’sconsistant. u never really know what love’ll do 2 u next, like boxing below the belt lol me: well at least u have got somebody her: like i sed, i dnt no wat will happen nxt nemore, living in constant fear he’ll do it again or go furthur it’s not gd 4 u loneliness is healthier

I just thought “don’t tell me that!”. Love can’t be like that, most of the time. If that’s what she thinks love is, then she isn’t feeling love at all. She may ‘love’ him, but resentment isn’t love, as far as I know. I feel kinda sorry for her, that she feels like he may cheat on her in the future, yet cannot bear to break up with him. And we all know where that kinda situation eventually leads, and it’s not a happy place.