Won’t Stop ‘Til The End Of The Day

This is something I felt like writing, sort of a Tenacious D-type (0r Lonely Island) comedy song/poem about sex. Hope you enjoy it lol.

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Sitting here
I can’t control the urge
To grab myself
Not stop ’til I splurge

I can’t stop
‘Til the end of the day
When I see those girls
I drop my pants and I pray

Whether in a video
Or in a pic
When I see that skin
I can’t help but click

I’ll never get a fitty
In real life
So I keep clicking
As I stare at their kitty

Sitting here
I can’t control the urge
To grab myself
Not stop ’til I splurge

Lessons from The I.T Crowd

1. Turning it on and off again practically always works…

“Hello IT. Yuhuh. Have you tried forcing an unexpected reboot? You see the driver hooks a function by patching the system call table so it’s not safe to unload it unless another thread is going to jump in there and do its stuff and you don’t want to end up in the middle of invalid memory… Hello?”

2. The best way to hide from cops is to kiss
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_a375fMUzVc

3. Memory is RAM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EiRxkFWb_3o

4. You can email the fire brigade
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqQ6Z-HmAqY

5. Cleaners get more recognition than the I.T staff
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGWt3SNDdNM

I Wish I Could Just Get On A Plane…

Last night, when trying to get to sleep, I suddenly thought ‘I wish I could just get on a plane and visit her’. What probably prompted this thought was when my friend J said that him and M were going to visit Bulgaria and joked (I think it was a joke anyway) that I could come along with them and see J-O. However, looking back on it I’m not even sure he said that. The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that I dreamt he said that, or imagined it somehow. Anyway, I would love to visit her in Bulgaria. I have time – 3 months (from today) to be exact in which I could do it.

There are only several major problems with this idea. Firstly, how to explain about J-O to my parents and then convince them to go on my own or with J and M (if it turns out I didn’t dream J saying that). If that wasn’t difficult enough, I’d have to then organise it, spend lots of money on flights and converting currency to spend while I’m there. (Oh yeah and I’ve talked to J-O and she said I could stay at hers rather than stay in a hotel, so that would save a lot of money) And I’d have to ask work if they’d give me a week off, which I’m not sure they will do even though they’re always very accommodating.

And this is all presuming J-O’s parents can be convinced to let a-random-stranger-that-their-daughter-has-only-met-on-the-internet stay in their house, probably in her room(!),for a few days (not the whole week – J-O suggested we go away to the beach for a few days you see). Yeah, that sounds like an easy obstacle to get over. Not. (And similarly with my parents, letting their son go to a far-away country on his own to meet some random girl (who may not be who she says she is!).)

It’s a nice idea. But it’s never going to more than an idea, a pipe dream.

To Tell Or Not To Tell

(Yes, another J-O post, sorry)

For the past few days I’ve been considering how I’m going to tell my parents about J-O. I can’t exactly say “oh yeah, by the way, I’ve met this girl on the internet, I asked her out and she said yes. Oh, she’s from Bulgaria and is hoping to get into Solent.” That does not sound good at all, to a parent. You know all the internet safety issues that such a conversation would bring up. Not to mention that I don’t really like talking to my parents about my ‘love life’, or lack thereof (as it used to be, and may well revert to, if all doesn’t go well). Also it would be pretty pointless if I told them but then (heaven forbid) she doesn’t get in – it would only create a lot of bother, which I don’t want.

I think the best thing to do would be to wait and see if she makes it over, wait until I meet her and make sure she still wants to go out with me. (Although I think she will – I mean, we’re acting more like boyfriend/girlfriend every day. Well, in as much as you can do over the internet. And no, I’m not talking about steamy webcam sessions of anything superficial like that. Not that she even has a webcam. But I digress.) Then I’ll explain everything. That way, I’d be pre-empting any ‘internet safety’ talk (having actually safely met her already, although I suspect I might get a telling-off for it anyway) and ensuring that I only tell them about her once it is going ahead for sure, minimising how much I have to discuss it with them.

I just really hope she makes it… I like her so much. ❤

Quick Little Note III

I’ve decided that since I’ve fallen for J-O so badly, it would be best not to update my blog on every little event that happens when I’m talking to her that I find significant. So, in order not to bug my readers with this I’ve decided to keep these minuscule musings to my ‘micro-blog’ over at Twitter. See, it does make a sort of sense, to keep short blog posts to a social networking site that was invented for precisely this purpose – small blog updates. For those who don’t follow me on Twitter, my feed can be found on the right hand side of this page or here on Twitter itself.

It’s probably pretty sad that I’ve fallen for her so much given that we’ve never met in person, but I can’t help it.

On A Wave Of Happiness

Apart from that hiccup yesterday (which was fine in the end) I’ve been really happy since J-O said that, yes, she would like to go out with me. Every time I think about her, I smile. Every time I remind myself this is the first girl I liked that actually liked me back, I smile. I’m so happy right now. I was especially happy after I got my first text from her (we exchanged numbers yesterday). She called me “honey”. That was a pleasant surprise.

At the same time, though, it feels like I’m sort of in a limbo. She said yes, so in a way she is my girlfriend. But since she doesn’t come over for several months, so really she isn’t. It’s a bit disconcerting.

When she actually meets me in person she might not like me anyway, or I may not like her. However, I don’t really think that will happen. I hope. I suppose I can only wait and see. I really can’t wait to see her now, I cannot wait for the experience of having a girlfriend.

There is another problem I’m experiencing now though. On Monday night (Monday was when I asked her out), when I was trying to get to sleep, I kept thinking about having sex with her (or, “making love”, as she would say). I feel really ashamed of myself that the first thing I think of after I asked her out is that. Believe me though, even if we do do that eventually, I will only do it if it feels right, if I am ready and if we are ready, if we are close enough for it to mean something and not just be ‘casual’ sex.

Facebook Shows I’ve Wasted My Life

I had a realisation of something, about ten minutes ago. I’ve wasted my life so far, and Facebook shows it. I spend far too much time on there, joining pages and groups, commenting on and ‘liking’ people’s status’ e.t.c. I need to get out into the real world more. I don’t know how to go about doing that, surprise, surprise.

I’ve been this way since before Facebook came along though. Before, I used to visit lots of Star Wars forums and have a good ol’ chat with fans and nerds e.t.c. But with the beginning of college, I got bored of the nerd life and moved on to the ‘social’ world of Facebook. But soon that became an obsession too.

I dunno what to do. I’m stuck at home, away from the uni I attend, with no uni social life because of that. I only have a social life when my old friends come back during the holidays. I won’t be able to change this situation, it’s too late for that, stupid me. I think I may join the Conservative Party at some point after the election, hopefully meet some like-minded people and do something interesting. And maybe next (academic) year I will join more societies and actually attend them, too.

It’s a start, I suppose…

Omegle

Yesterday I was talking to one of the people that regularly comment on my blog about J-O and relationship and stuff when she recommended I go on Omegle to loosen myself up, you know, when it comes to girls. After a bit of confidence-versus-scared-as-hell battled it out in my head, I decided to give it a go. So, I started out easy, on text chat, and I got disconnected several times because I was a guy and so where they. I did eventually come upon a girl (oh god I just realised what an awful innuendo that was, sorry, but you know what I mean) but after several minutes talking she said “well uhh i’m horny so im guna go find someone else to tallkto[:”. Typical. That’s the problem with these things, full of horny teenagers.

So, not getting anywhere with text chat, I moved on to video chat. Big mistake! The first 20 or so people were just guys jerking off. Not what I wanted to see, but not exactly surprising either, considering. Anyway, I eventually got to a session where there were two girls at their computer. I considered this for a second (I hadn’t allowed the site to access my webcam yet so they couldn’t see me), then pressed ‘disconnect’. I’m just not ready for that type of thing, and I’m not sure I trust the site with accessing my webcam, either. So I stopped using it. I felt relieved. I may try again another day when I’m feeling more brave, but can’t handle it at the moment. Besides, jerking to random women goes against my principles. Girl’s aren’t just ‘a bit of meat’, as the phrase goes. Although it would be nice haha. Yeah, I’m just a bit hypocrite really, since I use porn sites all the time. But when it’s actually happening live, for real, in front of you (on your computer, I mean – that’s not really ‘real’, obviously, in the sense of having a ‘real’ woman actually in front of you. If you see what I mean), that’s different. Somehow. To me anyway. Perhaps I’ll try again another day and have more luck. With myself (my fear of women) and with the not-seeing-guys-jerking-off.

Random Skype Messages

Okay, what I’m about to tell you will probably make you worried, I know. The other day somebody randomly contacted me on Skype, and we started talking. I know, it’s the cardinal rule of internet safety not to talk to strangers who message you, but I did reply. I should have probably blocked her straight away, I know, but I thought I’d at least check if this was a genuine person. I didn’t do it with my guard down – I was ready to block her the moment she looked like a spambot, e.g posting links, asking for money, personal details e.t.c. But I did still want to check if it was a real person reaching out to me, for whatever reason. The first part of the conversation went as follows, and as you can see, I have questioned her about why she contacted me and have retained scepticism of her motives:

me: who is this?

her: my name is (——)

are u there

me: what do you want?

her: are you from Southampton ?

me: yes

her: i am going to study in the Southampton Solent Uni

me: oh right

her: you know

and i just would like to spek with someone who lives there to get to know

some new information something like that

(she lives in Bulgaria)

me: oh right

how did u get my skype, out of interest?

her: i just was looking for anyone from there

nothing special

me: oh right

her: 🙂

So, to my mind, she seems genuine – she even added me on Facebook and it seems to be a proper profile, and we have talked several times on Skype since. However, I am not yet entirely convinced – I’m not stupid (one of my friends has advised me to stay away, saying she might be a honey-trap). If she does turn out to be trying to get something from me, I will block her. I’ve been using the internet since I was about 13, so I’m not going to be hoodwinked.

But she does seem genuine, so, for the moment, I’m going to keep in contact with her. She seems like a nice person, and seems genuinely interested in what Southampton is like, as well as generally talking about stuff. However, she has once or twice used the ‘kiss’ emoticon when talking to me, which would support my friends honey-trap theory. When she did that, I just put ‘lol’ – even if she is being genuinely nice, or likes me or whatever, I’m not used to it and am certainly not returning the gestures.

So what do you guys think – am I right or wrong to keep talking to her? Has the fact this is a girl, willing talking to me, clouded my judgement on this one? Or am I just too nice?

Reunion!

Everyone is back from uni for Christmas, yay! I held a party at my house and it was awesome. We had a lot of fun and nothing was broken or puked on, which was good. It was so great to see everybody again, although I’ll probably now miss them even more after Christmas because of it.

I couldn’t believe how many people brought cameras, there were 4 flying around the place (not literally of course), ensuring everyone who forgot things in their drunken state could be reminded of them in the coming days. I suppose it’s really more to do with showing off on Facebook, which is where all pictures end up, even the more risqué ones (I’ll explain in the coming days in other posts). Drunken amnesia is a thing of the past, due to it being carefully documented on camera (especially since all digital camera now record video too) but embarrassing photos certainly aren’t!

P.S Before I go, quick shout-out to boysandbooks for mentioning me on her Twitter account, thanks very much 🙂