Childhood Poetry

I see the sun, shining bright
I hear children, happily playing
The chatter I know so well
The joy that permeates the air

We live only for play
On and on, ’til the light fades away
To live in the moment
Is endless joy

Here are my friends
We run, play, have fun
For to play with friends
Brings endless hapiness

We know not of the future
Of time, of the years
Of the outside world
Or of the pressure of peers

Here I still dwell
The joy is still there
But the chatter have faded away
Into the mind

I still want to play
Still live in the moment
But none else feel this
They have moved to the future

I am alone
With only my thoughts
With my memories
Of a childhood, lost

A Girl I Met On Holiday

I’ve never really talked to anyone about this before. In fact, I don’t think about it much myself – not much reason to really. But I remembered about it when talking to one of my friends about childhood, a subject which, as you may know, I have a particular preoccupation with. It’s about a girl I met on holiday.

When I was about seven or eight, me and my family went on holiday, in France, in St Jean-de-Monts. We spent it at a camp-site in a caravan (not a towed caravan or camper-van that is, a proper big caravan, you know, the ones they have permanently at these sites. While I was there me and my siblings made friends with this girl that was in another caravan across the road.

It’s kinda embarrassing, to be honest. I clearer liked her – we have a video of me saying “I met a pretty girl” (cringe!). However, given my age that was possibly more a statement of fact rather than that I found her attractive. Nevertheless, we exchanged details and she sent me a letter and a picture of herself. Her name was Narelle (or it could be Norell) and I think she was a few years older than me.

Being a seven or eight year old with friends now I was back home, I evidently lost interest – I’m not sure I even replied to her letter. I even lost the letter and the photo. But I didn’t forget exactly. This was mostly because my Dad, for years afterwards, whenever we talked about girls, used to mention her, using the witty phrase “Narelle, Narelle, bloomin’ hell” (how very droll). But I didn’t really think about her again, properly, until now.

I did try to find her on Facebook once, but with little to go on except her first name, it was a fruitless search. I’d like to contact her again, see if she remembers me. She probably wouldn’t. I mean, I don’t really remember her, it was only the video that kept her in my memory, really. But it would be nice to catch up – well, to get to know each other, again. I know it seems silly, but I’d like to know what she is doing now. I’d really like to find that photo and letter, to try and get some leads. But I fear to mention it to my parents, since my Dad’s reaction would probably be the same, even now, so many years later. I also suspect that it would not give me any real clues as to how to find her again, and would only lead to disappointment. I also wonder if we even have it any more.

If nothing else, I would like to read the letter and see the picture, to cherish it as a lost piece of my childhood rediscovered. If possible, I would like to try and contact her again. I know it’s silly, but it is something I want to do. One day soon I will pluck up the courage to try and find it, to try and reconnect with a bit of my past I have lost, and some time soon. I can only hope that I find it, and I find her. If you’re out there, Narelle, I will try and find you. One day.

One Of My Best Friends Is Back From Uni For The Weekend!

One of my best friends, E, is back from uni for the weekend and she’s going to come over for the afternoon on Sunday. I can’t wait! Every time we’re talking on MSN we’re both like “miss you!”, it’s so lovely. It does occasionally get a bit ridiculous though. We are such close friends, it’s really nice to have a friend you’re that close to.

It’s so funny, when I was talking to her on MSN she said she liked serveral guys at uni, and every time I talked to her after that I kept exaggerate the figure. I eventually stopped when we agreed that if anything changes in each of our relationships-with-the-opposite-sex situations changes we’ll tell each other, instead of both asking each time, and each time saying “no change”. I also teased her about if she ‘liked’ any girls instead. She just said “oh, you’re so funny! ” (sarcasm by the way). I love annoying her, well, anyone, all the time. Sometimes I have to stop because I do it too much, but she doesn’t mind mostly. Especially teasing her about boys.

It’s a real shame that she hasn’t settled down in a nice long-term relationship with anybody yet, like my other friends M and J (see this post). She really deserves somebody nice to have a great relationship with, as she’s unbelievably nice, fun to be around, and quite pretty. I’m sure Mr Right will appear one day soon and sweep her off her feet, and I’ll be there to say “awww.”

I can’t wait for to see her

A Genuine Connection Between Friends

There’s this girl I’ve known for around two years now, I’ll call her M on here, and I got to know her because she is going out with one of my best friends. We are a lot alike and I think we share a genuine connection, something rare between friends, that was clear almost instantly.

I feel like I can talk to her about anything, pretty much, and she’ll always be willing to listen and she’ll completely understand where I’m coming from with my problems. I felt I could trust her with anything from pretty early on in our friendship, it was kinda strange. It sort of reminded me of Doctor Who when people say “I don’t know why I trust him, I just do”, even if they’ve only just met him.

One thing that shows the strength and trust in our friendship is that she admitted that she did used to fancy me before she started going out with my best friend, and I also admitted that a small part of me (about 1%) did fancy her, but this didn’t change our friendship or view of each other, we simply took it as a compliment and something to show how much we trusted each other with anything we wanted to say. It takes special friends to have that level of understanding, I feel.

She’s had some bullying problems in her past, which is something I can relate to, but she’s the nicest person you’d ever hope to meet. Sometimes she can be too nice though, and not see people’s flaws, but I can’t fault her for that, it’s a nice way to be.

She said something to me the other day which really touched me, and I must say I feel the same way about her. She said “you seem like my long lost childhood friend that i always wanted”. Yes I did have childhood friends but the connection we have, the personality traits we share makes it seem like I have known her since childhood, and for her friendship I am truly grateful.

Guys and Girls Can Just Be Friends

When reading this post on somebody’s blog an interesting topic, one I know a lot about, came up, on the subject of: Can guys and girls just be friends? I made a few comments there and decided to post them here also to share my opinion on the subject.

I know guys and girls can just be friends, I have a best friend, E, who is a girl. I’ve known her for most my life and I’ve never had any other thoughts than being friends with her. I’ve known her since the beginning of primary school, pretty much and I ‘love’ her. But I love her as a friend, not in any other way. The Greeks would say it’s philiac love, (which I’ve mentioned before in my blog) as ‘lifelong friends’.

It can get annoying though, when you’re that close friends with a girl. I get a lot of flak from people saying “do you want to go out with her”, “ask her out”, “you love her” e.t.c when it isn’t like that at all. I won’t deny that my subconcious, my body does very occasionally respond to her in a different way, but that is not how I think of her, and I certainly won’t let a few stray chemicals rule my actions. Of course your animal instict is still going to be slightly attracted to her because of the mere fact she is of the opposite sex, but if your mind still sees her as only a friend, that’s what you will be happy with, and that is the way it can stay, without any trouble. I know, I’ve experienced it myself. Don’t be afraid to be friends with the opposite sex – it can, and does, happen!

Friendship Speech

Well my special primary school best friends are coming over today. I’m definatly going make that speech this time. This is what I plan to say:

“I would just like to say that if I ever hurt our friendships, I’m really sorry. I would never intentionally hurt our friendship, because you guys are my best friends. You’ve always been there for me, no matter what, and I hasvn’t always done the same. I just want to say that you’re like brothers and sisters to me, I love you guys. I just thought I’d say it, because I felt it something I need to say. I’d hate to lose you guys, I’d be completely lost without you.”

I’m crying about it just writing it. I don’t know why it gives me such a strong response. All I can say is that I mean every word of it.

My ‘Best Friends’

This is a slightly expanded version of this post basically, becuase I’ve been thinking about it again.

There are these three people I have known since I was about 4. I’ll call them J, A and E so as to keep with the ‘anonymous’ nature of this blog.

J is a brilliant friend but I feel we’ve drifted apart, but I don’t know how to reverse this. In primary school we were great friends because we didn’t have that many other strong friends there, apart from these other two people. In secondary school there was a lot more people so we kind of drifted apart. It was my fault becuse I started becoming better friends with other people, that were his friends as well but we kind of stayed apart. When we got into college I thought it would change because people stick together in a group in college, but this hasn’t really materialised as he got a girlfriend after a short time and she takes up most of his attention. I totally understand this, but I still feel that we should be better friends.

A is also a brilliant friend but I fell out with him 5 years ago, I had blocked it out but I had a moment of clarity and apologised for what I did. We’re friends again now, and when we all had a get together one day, J, A and E, it was like we’d never been apart. However, I haven’t seen him since then so I can’t say we’re actually friends again. He hasn’t changed a bit though, since I was last friends with him in primary school.

E is a brilliant friend also but I endangered this by something I said during a confusing period of my adolesence . I’m pretty sure she has come to terms with it now. She’s the only one of these three that I can still legitimatly call a best friend.

I feel that I value their friendships higher then they value mine, but I think this is because my relationship with them is stuck in 2001.  I still see them as my best friends, because we knew each other inside and out. I’ve just realised though, this isn’t the case anymore, so they don’t see me in that way. I think it’s becuase I assume that as we’ve been friends practically forever, then I don’t have to make the effort to stay good friends with them. I will always love them though, no matter what happens. I will be forever in their debt, for always being by my side.

I regret that in the get-together I mentioned earlier in the post, I planned to say something but didn’t, and I really regret it now. I wanted to say:

I know I haven’t always shown it, but I love you guys. You’ve always been there for me and although I haven’t always been there for you, I do and will try to.

But I chickened out, and I’ll always regret it, because I really mean it and want my friends to know how much I appreciate them.

I think what I need to do is to have another get-together, and make more of an effort generally towards them, if I want to bring it back to how it was in 2001, the last year of primary school. No more complacency, only effort will bring my best friends back to really being my best friends.

My Friend and Alcohol

One of my friends turned 18 recently and she seems to have decided that at every social event (well, party, that is) she has to get drunk.

Firstly this is strange because this person, as I know her, isn’t the sort of person to do something just because she can, especially something as morally questionable as drinking. She is an alter sever at her local parish church, after all.

Secondly, I don’t understand why anyone would want to anyway. These parties, you can have as much fun, probably more fun, if you’re sober. If you’re drunk – well, if she’s drunk – she’ll just start talking about random things and falling over, and I think that interacting with friends, playing games, talking e.t.c is much more fun than staggering around with people laughing at you, and no remembering everything you did that night.

Just my opinion, obviously she doesn’t see it that way.

Was I Mistaken, Or Is It Something Else I’m Missing?

On Friday our college has a Christmas Ball on and one of my friends is going but it having trouble getting there. I said my parents would be happy to give her a lift. Actually, I’m getting a lift with a friend and I suggested she get a life with him too. But she said no, because it ‘would be weird’.

I’m just wondering if it’s because of this (this friend I’m talking about is called ‘E’ in that post) which is not good becuase I thought she’d gotten over that and realised the mistake I made (this post was they day I was sure she was fine about it). I’m now because concerned again that I was midtaken, but I hope not.

If it may be the case, when I ask her again in a few days if she’s got a way to get there (apart from the bus, which she said she might do, with indicates to me how big a problem this might be) and she still says no but she still doesn’t want to come with us, I may have to say something along the lines of the thing I chickened out of saying before (see this post).

Perhaps the problem is something I don’t know anything about. That would be a relief.

One Regret Of Many

One day when me and my three best friends (the ones that I’ve talked about before) got back together after 5 years kind of apart, as I stopped being friends with one for some time, I planned to something but didn’t and really regret it now. I wanted to say:

I know I haven’t always shown it, but I love you guys. You’ve always been there for me and although I haven’t always been there for you, I do try.

But I chickened out, and I’ll always regret it, because I really mean it and want my friends to know how much I appreciate them.