Trying to Hold Firm

I’m sat here
staring out the window
as the world rushes by
as it always has

I’m sat here
trying to weather the storm
as waves of despair crash over me
more intense than ever before

I’m sat here
trying to stay in control
as my stomach slowly churns
as my mouth turns dry

I’m sat here
my will is failing
I put my hand over my face
as my eyes gently weep

I’m sat here
hoping nobody notices
as the train pulls into the station
my eyes force themselves dry

I step out the door
I draw myself up
it’s time for another day
as I slowly wither inside

The Inexperienced Lament

They tease me with their skin
They tempt me with their curves
They torture me with their smiles
They torment me with their moves

Please release me from this hopeless life…

What Can You Say?

What can you say
When the hope flies away
Once more

What can you say
When the weather turns grey
Once more

What can you say
When your heart is astray
Once more

What can you say
When your life drains away
Once more?

All I Want

All I want is someone to share my life with
All I want is somebody to love me
All I want is somebody to love

All I want is someone to hold me
All I want is somebody to hold
All I want is to not be alone

All I want is these dark thoughts lifted
All I want is the sun shining through
All I want is an happy dawn

All I want is a life worth living

Why Is Yourself Not Enough?

Why do we need company?
Why do we seek gods?
Why do we seek love?

Why can’t we be happy alone?

Why do we need attraction?
Why do we enjoy touching?
Why do hugs feel so good?

Why can’t I be happy alone?

Apathy

She is slipping from my grasp
I simply hold ever tighter
In fact she is gone
Holding made her slip faster

Friends are slipping from my grasp
I simply can’t fight it
In my mind they’re gone
They’ll fade in the wind

Caring is slipping from my grasp
My mind is bathed in apathy
Opportunities have slipped from my grasp
My thoughts are full of bitterness

Stuck

All my happiness
Is invested in you
That’s why I can’t let you go
You’re no longer mine
And probably never can be
You only bring sadness

All this I know
But I cannot let go
Because your smile lights my heart
You make out it’s my fault
It is because I love you
But you no longer love me

The love we once had
Shined so bright
It fires me still
But not for you.
It was only
A fleeting light

I know I deserve better
In the depths of my heart
But it seems impossible
While I’m stuck in this hole
I wish I’d not known you
As I wallow in despair

Fighting My Feelings

Separated by 1750 miles
We were strong together
Yet separated by 75
You could not handle it

We’re now part-time lovers
With it you have no issue
I’m finding it hard to fight it;
I really, really miss you

When all we did was kiss
It was easier to bear
Now I’ve spent the night with you
My feelings don’t compare

Longing again fills me
My thoughts of you are warm
My love is resurrected
My mind is now a storm

I managed to keep my head
After our connection before
But now I’ve been that close to you
I can’t help wanting more

Our First Night Together

You lay there in bed
Watching me passively
I take off my trousers and
Look at you nervously

I pull back the covers
I lay down tentatively
You pull me close and
Put my arm around you

The warmth of your body
Flowed through my skin
The feeling of companionship and
Togetherness warmed my heart

After waiting so long
For this moment to come
My dream had come true and
It was even nicer than thought

To just lie there with you
Our bodies entwined
Was the greatest feeling;
I was content in my mind

Highs and Lows

Nothing can compare
To the depths of my despair
I thought I was sad then
I am brought to new lows now

I did not know what I missed
In the depths of love trysts
What joy could be found
Emotions dwelling unbound

I longed for a lover
To share like no other
My deepest thoughts
My darkest secrets

What it meant I could not imagine
It’s reality I could not fathom
It’s highs I could not think of
I did not dare to dream

Once I knew those highs
I should have realised
What goes doubly high
Must come likewise down

When all is lost