In A Bad Place
I am in a bad place right now. Recent revelations, of J-O’s new relationship, has sent me into a tailspin. I thought I was moving on, but once more I realise that I have yet to do any such thing. One year on, the wound is yet to heal. I’m not sure how I even feel about the whole thing. I want to be her friend, because I still care about her as a friend, yet I am not fully over her as more than a friend. I have spent this last year with few emotional outlets, save this blog. Most of all I miss just having her to talk to. I miss having any friends to talk to. It sounds stupid but she was my world for such a long time. Without her to chat to, I am not sure what would have happened to me during university. Before her, I had nobody else; after her, I have nobody else. Since university finished at the beginning of June all I have done is sat at home, trying to apply for jobs but getting nowhere, not even getting a single interview. My current part-time job is becoming so mind-numbingly boring and frustrating that I can barely summon the strength to do anything while there. When I am at home I stay in my room, blobbed in front of my laptop or PS3, and I sometimes spend about 5 mins staring into space thinking of things to do. It’s got to the point where I can’t even be bothered to play MW3, and playing the latest CODs online 24/7 has been my favorite pastime for the last 5 years. I want to move to a different city, to have a new and interesting job, but instead I’m stuck at my parents house with nothing to do and nothing I want to do. I keep meaning to start writing something, maybe a novel, but I can’t be bothered, even though I have nothing else to do.
What I would like, if nothing else, is a hug. A nice long hug that makes me feel like I’m not alone. A nice long hug that says, hey, everything may seem bad now, but it can only get better, right?