An Injustice (J-O)

This morning when I woke up I had a thought. A thought about one major injustice in my recent life. That me and J-O were ‘together’ for over a year and yet I never had sex with her, whereas this new boyfriend of hers has not known her nearly as long, nor will have been in a relationship with her for anywhere near as long, yet will probably get to have sex with her soon, if they haven’t had sex already. I think that’s fundamentally wrong, wouldn’t you agree? Okay, so by the time we actually met, we’re weren’t really ‘together’ any more. But I think I did deserve to have sex with her for the more than a year of waiting for her, being all lovey-dovey all to get nothing out of it except a few make-out sessions and sleeping in her bed with her a few times.

Okay, I must admit, seeing that in writing makes it sound a bit… I dunno, shallow and entitled. But I think it’s only a fair thing to think. I gave her a lot of my time and energy to her and I got hardly anything out of it. I didn’t even get to see her naked! It would have been great if my first time was with her, because she was pretty hot. Instead I’ll probably have to wait ages until somebody else comes along, and I’ll still be a virgin and it’ll be very embarrassing. I just can’t believe the injustice of it all.

Probably part of the reason I’m saying this is because I’m tired of wanking. (I really can’t believe I’m writing this on the open internet, but there it is). I just want to have sex. I just want to know what it’s like to put my penis in a lady’s vagina. (I hope you realise that sentence is partly a joke). Is that too much to ask? I’ve had enough of sitting alone in my room, watching porn, and wanking. Just sick and tired of it. Yet I can’t stop doing it. I’m just so bloody fed up of my stupid life. I just wished that J-O would have let me fuck her that first night we slept together. That would have made me so pleased…

  1. 19/07/2012 at 10:25 am

    You don’t “buy” the right to sleep with someone with affection, time, curtsey’s or whatever. That kind of thinking is frankly quite scary. You’re never entitled to another persons sexuality, no matter how much invested you have in the relationship. And one could wonder if all that effort put in was only to get in her pants? You really need to stop focusing on sex.

    • 19/07/2012 at 10:36 am

      You think I want to think this? I don’t. But I can’t help it. Nobody is perfect. Everybody has their darker side. Most are just normal enough to keep it to themselves.

    • 19/07/2012 at 10:46 am

      I can make excuses but then I probably do have a problem. Just not sure how to solve it…

  2. 20/07/2012 at 8:59 pm

    I feel the need to write here as opposed to twitter because it really disappoints me how you’re reacting to everything now. Whatever sympathy and respect you may have had from your readers and followers, I can guarantee has gone down. You can call it haters and judgmental people, but it’s the truth. We aren’t feeling better about ourselves when you write something like, we feel sorry. I can’t speak for others, but I genuinely wanted you to succeed, move on and become a better person. But by being stuck on a girl who has obviously moved on, by putting emphasis on girls and sex, you’re missing out on some of the best years of your young life.

    1. This girl has moved on. It sucks but staying stuck on that same page isn’t doing you any favors. Who knows, maybe you’ll reconnect down the road, but you actually have to get there to even see. I’m not saying to hold onto hope that she’ll be there, rather grasp that hope that the future is better and there are better things in life to worry about than trying to be that one and only for that girl.

    2. This post is pretty disgusting. You say shallow and entitled, but it’s even worse than that. It’s being an arrogant and, pardon my language and offensiveness, an asshole. Reading through your blog, I know you are capable of a lot better than that. I’m just a person on twitter and on wordpress that came upon your blog around a year ago so I’m not sure how seriously you’ll take this post. However, if you really do read this all and understand what I’m saying, I really suggest you write a blog post apologizing to all your female readers. You objectify them in this post and the entitlement of returns for investing in another person, a female, is just in poor taste and form (it’s being the cliche chauvinistic male). You want to find a special someone? This type of thinking won’t get you anywhere. Even if you don’t say it out loud, just thinking like this is going down a bad road and will jeopardize future relationships.

    3. There’s so much more to a relationship than sex. In fact, it’s actually the last thing I put on my priorities when it comes to being in a relationship. Physical interaction is momentary, intellectual and emotional bonds last forever. The type of intimacy involved is built up and makes everything about that relationship and what it entails worthwhile. Treasure it.

    A while ago, you said you were turning the corner. You weren’t an anonymous “teenager” anymore. Yet, you are acting even more like a teenager lately. I may sound like a jerk, but grow up. Shit happens, people come and go, you’ve had time to be sad, now be productive and become a better person. Don’t say I’ll try, just do. Don’t say I don’t know, say I’m figuring out/learning how to. This was a long blog post but it was an accumulation of thoughts, opinions, criticism, and advice from over a long while. I hope you take into consideration what I’ve said.

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